(no subject)
Senior year is coming to a quick close, and I'm still not sure where I'm going to be for the next 4-6 years of my life. I'm sure there are many people in the same boat as me, and lets face it I think we're all experiencing a little anxiety over having such an uncertain future. Or maybe youre not, I don't know. Things have been going really well. Gatherings with friends are happening on a weekend-long basis. There was a three week gap inbetween the good stuff, room enough to squeeze in a small period of depression. Enough to let every detail bother you or enough to snap that rubber band around your wrist. Fortunately things are lifting up even if the seams are tearing with them. Texas holdem night with the girls has become a much anticipated event. Things with Alex are what they are and have been since he moved- tolerating the blur of the week for 6 blissful hours of love and suppressed feelings. Not to be mistaken for any normal relationship because I've the arrogance to believe we are something more than that, having struggled against sucky situations. And with much help from life and its curve balls, it seems a few months from now we will regress to never seeing eachother until the breaks corresponding between the army and college. There are some things in life I suppose that just need to be accepted, like the death of a pet or losing the basketball game. But saying goodbye to someone you love feels like something no one should ever have to do. But like we part with someone who has died, or someone who is leaving, we make the same choice, and that is to either accept the card your dealt and play it to your ability, or to fold. I'm not talking life or death here. Making the the best of what we have, perhaps with some sacrifice along the way. This calls for some Tool lyrics.
A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this
A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this