don't die in me.
my lungs are giving out on me. covered in dust and mold from the basement room that for a short moment felt nostalgic because of its teenage qualities. i'm over it. its now....shit. two more days and i can start re-arranging myself in relation to all of my things and begin watching where the light hits the floor from the two windows in my room.
fuck am i glad to be back downtown. i've spent hours walking the last two days, reaquainting myself with familiar routes, and dreaming myself back into westend-ness. i play glory by liz phair on repeat. i love feeling so contently alone. i was craving that for a long time. maybe i'm convincing myself of something, out of temporary nessecity, but i kind of feel like i've been catapulted out of this geographically induced state of overly dramatic self inflicted misery. i feel dirtier, but i also feel lighter.
everything about my new place is imperfect, its gross, and neglected, broken and worn, and instantly comfortable as a result. its kind of like a kid blanket that has been dragged along pavement, and then sucked on, and then ripped, but so well loved that its only amazing. i'm not into living in pristine and sterile, those kinds of spaces never match my mood.
maybe i'll go out tonight. gamble away my health with another late night. try to bargain with 2:00am, my grown up job, my ailing geriatric chest cavity.
fuck am i glad to be back downtown. i've spent hours walking the last two days, reaquainting myself with familiar routes, and dreaming myself back into westend-ness. i play glory by liz phair on repeat. i love feeling so contently alone. i was craving that for a long time. maybe i'm convincing myself of something, out of temporary nessecity, but i kind of feel like i've been catapulted out of this geographically induced state of overly dramatic self inflicted misery. i feel dirtier, but i also feel lighter.
everything about my new place is imperfect, its gross, and neglected, broken and worn, and instantly comfortable as a result. its kind of like a kid blanket that has been dragged along pavement, and then sucked on, and then ripped, but so well loved that its only amazing. i'm not into living in pristine and sterile, those kinds of spaces never match my mood.
maybe i'll go out tonight. gamble away my health with another late night. try to bargain with 2:00am, my grown up job, my ailing geriatric chest cavity.