*stare*
Good news. My dad was adjudicated. Not guilty of all charges. He started work a couple weeks ago. And he's going to get the 40 days of back pay they owed him for the "relieved of duty" order after he served his suspension when he should have been working. But of course, the department is dragging its feet in paying him.
Oddly, the day he got his first paycheck was the same day they shut off our gas. Also oddly, the day the gas company arrived to turn it, we were both home, there was no knock on the door, the doorbell not rung, and a message was left on our door that said "Sorry we missed you." Would make a lot of people angry, but it incited a little laugh from both of us.
Unfortunately, we've had some really cold (for SoCal) nights here. Overnight lows have been 41, 43, 39, and 41 the last few days. Huzzah for space heaters.
I myself have been in poor health the last month. Partly due to poor eating, (which is to say, way down from my normal intake) eating bad food, lack of sleep, and when I do, disturbed sleep, stress.....probably putting more stress and pressure on myself then I should be, but that's an old habit that's not dying fast enough. Spent most of December and January attempting to job hunt to fill the financial void, and got nowhere as usual. I've either been sick, job hunting, cleaning (not my room of course) ... and that about covers it. And my stress level today just climbed to a huge height.
I made dinner tonight. Watched a show with my dad. He fell asleep in the chair. The look on his face was.. weary. Difficult to describe, mostly becuase I've never seen that look about him before.
Perspective. *shakes head* Perhaps it registered as "not good" in my brain because of the pressure I'm putting on myself, the 'real' pressure I'm under, and the stress and depression I've been in, so it was just a knee-jerk negative. But it does still put a little more reality into perspective, by way of things I need to be getting done, things I've put off, things I'm afraid of that I shouldn't be.
My downward spirals really get out of control when I'm not writing to speak of. I try, but *shrug* Motivation is totally gone. Same with composing music.
I guess the short of all that is; I don't like where I'm going. And no change in physical location will fix it. And I've exhausted all the avenues I can think of on my own to change it. So I guess I just *shrug* roll up my sleeves and keep being me. There is light of a new day over the horizon, it's just too far out of sight yet to see. Until then, I must trust my skills to navigate, and let the wind and current take care of the future and focus on what I need to do now, as opposed to next year, or three years down the road, or ten years.
Oddly, the day he got his first paycheck was the same day they shut off our gas. Also oddly, the day the gas company arrived to turn it, we were both home, there was no knock on the door, the doorbell not rung, and a message was left on our door that said "Sorry we missed you." Would make a lot of people angry, but it incited a little laugh from both of us.
Unfortunately, we've had some really cold (for SoCal) nights here. Overnight lows have been 41, 43, 39, and 41 the last few days. Huzzah for space heaters.
I myself have been in poor health the last month. Partly due to poor eating, (which is to say, way down from my normal intake) eating bad food, lack of sleep, and when I do, disturbed sleep, stress.....probably putting more stress and pressure on myself then I should be, but that's an old habit that's not dying fast enough. Spent most of December and January attempting to job hunt to fill the financial void, and got nowhere as usual. I've either been sick, job hunting, cleaning (not my room of course) ... and that about covers it. And my stress level today just climbed to a huge height.
I made dinner tonight. Watched a show with my dad. He fell asleep in the chair. The look on his face was.. weary. Difficult to describe, mostly becuase I've never seen that look about him before.
Perspective. *shakes head* Perhaps it registered as "not good" in my brain because of the pressure I'm putting on myself, the 'real' pressure I'm under, and the stress and depression I've been in, so it was just a knee-jerk negative. But it does still put a little more reality into perspective, by way of things I need to be getting done, things I've put off, things I'm afraid of that I shouldn't be.
My downward spirals really get out of control when I'm not writing to speak of. I try, but *shrug* Motivation is totally gone. Same with composing music.
I guess the short of all that is; I don't like where I'm going. And no change in physical location will fix it. And I've exhausted all the avenues I can think of on my own to change it. So I guess I just *shrug* roll up my sleeves and keep being me. There is light of a new day over the horizon, it's just too far out of sight yet to see. Until then, I must trust my skills to navigate, and let the wind and current take care of the future and focus on what I need to do now, as opposed to next year, or three years down the road, or ten years.