(no subject)
The past few days have been a mixture of things. it's been a mix of sadness, anger, stress, relief, happiness and pretty every other adjective you can think of.
Zack broke up with me on thursday..the night right before my Lynn audition.
I called him thursday night on a count of the fact that he had been promising me a long nice conversation like we used to have alot before everything got really hectic with his school work and job and everything. I answered and we started talking for a bit and i noticed that he was acting strangely. The days before hand I had also noticed that he had been acting really differently to me and talking to me less and less but when i asked him about it he assured me that nothing was wrong and that he has just been really sick lately and hasn't been feeling himself. So anyways...
We were talking and i knew something was wrong with him so i asked him "zack..what's wrong with you lately?" and he just told me "alot of things have just been going on in my head". i really wanted to know what was going on inside of his mind so i asked him to let me in and tell him what was going on inside of his head..but he was just like i really don't want to talk about it now. i got a little angry that he wouldn't tell me what was going on so i was just like "can you at least tell me what it has to do with at all?" because i was worried that it had to do with me. So then after arguing a little bit about him not telling me he finally was just like "listen i didn't want to have to do this over the phone and i really wanted to do this in person, but i just don't know if i can be in a relationship anymore. so much shit has been going on with me with school and everything, i just don't think i can be in one. i just need time to think."
at this point i was completely speechless. i didn't answer for a few seconds because i thought that he was just joking. so then after i few seconds i was like "...what are you talking about??". he then started telling me about how he had been feeling differently about me gradually over the past few weeks and just didn't feel as strongly about me anymore.
i was really upset at this point and started crying..he started crying too and kept on saying "i didn't want to have to hurt you tovah..the last thing i wanted was for you to cry. i'm so sorry". so we were basically on the phone for a good 20 minutes going back and forth with this whole thing. our conversation ended with kind of a confusion of where we were at with our relationship because he said that he "wanted a break" but he still wanted to see if he still had feelings for me. after we had talked i was completely heartbroken and was sobbing for a while. I gave almost everything for this kid. It was the worst feeling in the world for someone who i thought loved me more than anything else in the world, or so he said, and claimed that he would do anything for me, and told all of his friends about how much he loved me, just tell me randomly that he just didn't have those feelings anymore. And the fact that he did it so suddenly, without any warning at all, made it that much worse.
After I had gotten off the phone with zack, i called shelby because i needed someone to talk to because i was going absolutely hysterical. After I got off the phone with her, i was feeling better but was still crying like there was no tomorrow. After an hour or so, I called courtney and we talked for a litle while and i decided that i was going to call zack back up and ask him if he wanted to hang out the next day. So the next day, I had my audition and drove back to school and took tri rail with shelby and courtney. I got off of the train and i saw zack and he looked really sad and we hugged for like what seemed like forever and all he could say to me was "I'm so sorry Tovah".
We got in his car and we talked everything over and yeah.
I talked to him about how he said he was doing this because of school, because i knew that wasn't the only reason so i was like "tell me what the real reason is. I know it's not just because of school and i'd feel alot better if you just stopped leading me on and just told me what you really felt about me now". there was a silence for about 15 seconds and then he said "I don't love you anymore."
I felt as if someone had grabbed a fork and stuck it right threw my chest when he said that. I teared up when he said that and he started saying how he thinks he just had a case of puppy love.
.....yeah.
but after we talked for like half an hour, he was like "tovah, i know you probably hate me now and it will probably take you a while before you will want to start talking to me, but i still consider you as my best friend. I can't imagine my life without you and i still want you in my life." so we basically settled everything and we're going to try to still be really good friends.
i don't know how that's going to happen though...
it'll be really difficult to..
but yeah..i've been pretty miserable the past few days but i'm starting to get over it.
it's going to be really hard for me to get over zack though. i don't know how long that'll take...
this has just made me realize that you can't trust any guys.
this whole experience has made me realize how lucky i am to have my friends though.
i wouldn't have been able to get through this weekend without christi, renae, courtney and shelby.
i love you guys.
Zack broke up with me on thursday..the night right before my Lynn audition.
I called him thursday night on a count of the fact that he had been promising me a long nice conversation like we used to have alot before everything got really hectic with his school work and job and everything. I answered and we started talking for a bit and i noticed that he was acting strangely. The days before hand I had also noticed that he had been acting really differently to me and talking to me less and less but when i asked him about it he assured me that nothing was wrong and that he has just been really sick lately and hasn't been feeling himself. So anyways...
We were talking and i knew something was wrong with him so i asked him "zack..what's wrong with you lately?" and he just told me "alot of things have just been going on in my head". i really wanted to know what was going on inside of his mind so i asked him to let me in and tell him what was going on inside of his head..but he was just like i really don't want to talk about it now. i got a little angry that he wouldn't tell me what was going on so i was just like "can you at least tell me what it has to do with at all?" because i was worried that it had to do with me. So then after arguing a little bit about him not telling me he finally was just like "listen i didn't want to have to do this over the phone and i really wanted to do this in person, but i just don't know if i can be in a relationship anymore. so much shit has been going on with me with school and everything, i just don't think i can be in one. i just need time to think."
at this point i was completely speechless. i didn't answer for a few seconds because i thought that he was just joking. so then after i few seconds i was like "...what are you talking about??". he then started telling me about how he had been feeling differently about me gradually over the past few weeks and just didn't feel as strongly about me anymore.
i was really upset at this point and started crying..he started crying too and kept on saying "i didn't want to have to hurt you tovah..the last thing i wanted was for you to cry. i'm so sorry". so we were basically on the phone for a good 20 minutes going back and forth with this whole thing. our conversation ended with kind of a confusion of where we were at with our relationship because he said that he "wanted a break" but he still wanted to see if he still had feelings for me. after we had talked i was completely heartbroken and was sobbing for a while. I gave almost everything for this kid. It was the worst feeling in the world for someone who i thought loved me more than anything else in the world, or so he said, and claimed that he would do anything for me, and told all of his friends about how much he loved me, just tell me randomly that he just didn't have those feelings anymore. And the fact that he did it so suddenly, without any warning at all, made it that much worse.
After I had gotten off the phone with zack, i called shelby because i needed someone to talk to because i was going absolutely hysterical. After I got off the phone with her, i was feeling better but was still crying like there was no tomorrow. After an hour or so, I called courtney and we talked for a litle while and i decided that i was going to call zack back up and ask him if he wanted to hang out the next day. So the next day, I had my audition and drove back to school and took tri rail with shelby and courtney. I got off of the train and i saw zack and he looked really sad and we hugged for like what seemed like forever and all he could say to me was "I'm so sorry Tovah".
We got in his car and we talked everything over and yeah.
I talked to him about how he said he was doing this because of school, because i knew that wasn't the only reason so i was like "tell me what the real reason is. I know it's not just because of school and i'd feel alot better if you just stopped leading me on and just told me what you really felt about me now". there was a silence for about 15 seconds and then he said "I don't love you anymore."
I felt as if someone had grabbed a fork and stuck it right threw my chest when he said that. I teared up when he said that and he started saying how he thinks he just had a case of puppy love.
.....yeah.
but after we talked for like half an hour, he was like "tovah, i know you probably hate me now and it will probably take you a while before you will want to start talking to me, but i still consider you as my best friend. I can't imagine my life without you and i still want you in my life." so we basically settled everything and we're going to try to still be really good friends.
i don't know how that's going to happen though...
it'll be really difficult to..
but yeah..i've been pretty miserable the past few days but i'm starting to get over it.
it's going to be really hard for me to get over zack though. i don't know how long that'll take...
this has just made me realize that you can't trust any guys.
this whole experience has made me realize how lucky i am to have my friends though.
i wouldn't have been able to get through this weekend without christi, renae, courtney and shelby.
i love you guys.