(no subject)
so JD tells me that u have to hurt sometimes to make u see the person that u want to spend your time with and so the next time you wont hurt as bad. But i think this is crap... i dont want to hurt i want to have a heart of ice. no, disregard that i dont want a heart i want an empty void. that sound so much more appealing. i want a Smith Jerrod, someone who will shave their head with me if i have cancer. i dunno at the moment i think love is a myth truly designed by hallmark card sellers who want to make money on Valentines day.
On the other shitty note of my evening i feel as though i am getting kicked out of my house. Not that is being pressed on me but more of ... i am leaving therefore i will be in my house on holidays and maybe the summer months but it really isnt ever going to be my "home" anymore is it? it is simply this place where my parents live. i am growing up. soon i am goign to have to pay off the college loans get a job have a mortage. i like the way things are i like sleeping in my room i like my crazy old dressers that i completely killed but setting water glasses on them. i like these things they are comfort to me. and it is not the going to college thing that bothers me but more the what ifs... like what happens to my grandpa when i am not home to take him out to lunch and dinner and no one else is home? i guess more than anything i hate that life will go on without me... and i will want to be here and there all at the same time.
On the other shitty note of my evening i feel as though i am getting kicked out of my house. Not that is being pressed on me but more of ... i am leaving therefore i will be in my house on holidays and maybe the summer months but it really isnt ever going to be my "home" anymore is it? it is simply this place where my parents live. i am growing up. soon i am goign to have to pay off the college loans get a job have a mortage. i like the way things are i like sleeping in my room i like my crazy old dressers that i completely killed but setting water glasses on them. i like these things they are comfort to me. and it is not the going to college thing that bothers me but more the what ifs... like what happens to my grandpa when i am not home to take him out to lunch and dinner and no one else is home? i guess more than anything i hate that life will go on without me... and i will want to be here and there all at the same time.