It'd Take Two Words And One Finger To Tell You Exactly What I Think Of You
i've started this entry at least 10 times... unable to figure out exactly what to say... what not to say...
something perfect... something worth reading... something useless, i suppose...
it doesn't matter...
i called a friend last night and asked for advice...
about another friend. one i'd been lying to for months.
in all honesty, i wasn't looking for advice. i was looking for reassurance.
i got it.
i called this "friend" i'd been lying to for months and finally told her the truth.
the truth got the exact response i expected. i was prepared for what she said. i accepted it... two hours later, almost forgot about the whole situation taking place.
but woke up this morning to find that it was still real... still there.
i wonder if it would have been better had i not told her.
if i'd let her walk around in some delusional state of contentment with her "perfect" boyfriend... someone who's not at all what she believes he is.
this all got entirely more complicated than i wanted it to...
anyway... i've managed to lose two more people in my life.
but i'm not sorry for it all.
i'm tired of all the petty nonsense and the bullshit and the two-faced lies that everyone throws around, pretending to be "such good friends"...
*shrugs*
i'm just not sorry...
i've done a lot of things that i'm not too horribly proud of... done a lot of things i shouldn't have...
but i'm not sorry that i made that phone call last night...
and i'm not sorry that i told someone the truth...
and i'm only mildly sad about the fact that the worst thing i've been called is a tremendous cunt...
nothing i haven't heard before...
nothing i won't hear again...
i guess i'm breaking all ties.
i'm tired of holding onto people because i feel obligated to doing so...
i'm tired of saying "i love you" to people who don't have a last name to me...
i was tired of trying to figure out reasons to keep lying to kate about the truth when she simply wasn't my friend anymore...
to tell the truth... we stopped being friends a long time ago. we were simply familiar faces... people who could smile in each other's directions...
it never meant anything...
and as for the other person in the situation...
it doesn't matter what i could say... or what i did say...
i know how this all plays out...
i get told to go fuck myself...
other person gets told "don't do that again"
bad boy...
but that's emotion for you... senseless...
stupid...
fucking moronic...
and it's not my place anymore.
well... i'm done "ranting" about that...
so on to the shit i actually care about:
i'm working on making every entry private... so... this journal's come to a close.
without apology or regret, i have to say...
when i've got everything set up for another account... (which will be, without suprise, a "friend's only" account)
i'll make an update with the information...
until then...
it's been real
~gina~
something perfect... something worth reading... something useless, i suppose...
it doesn't matter...
i called a friend last night and asked for advice...
about another friend. one i'd been lying to for months.
in all honesty, i wasn't looking for advice. i was looking for reassurance.
i got it.
i called this "friend" i'd been lying to for months and finally told her the truth.
the truth got the exact response i expected. i was prepared for what she said. i accepted it... two hours later, almost forgot about the whole situation taking place.
but woke up this morning to find that it was still real... still there.
i wonder if it would have been better had i not told her.
if i'd let her walk around in some delusional state of contentment with her "perfect" boyfriend... someone who's not at all what she believes he is.
this all got entirely more complicated than i wanted it to...
anyway... i've managed to lose two more people in my life.
but i'm not sorry for it all.
i'm tired of all the petty nonsense and the bullshit and the two-faced lies that everyone throws around, pretending to be "such good friends"...
*shrugs*
i'm just not sorry...
i've done a lot of things that i'm not too horribly proud of... done a lot of things i shouldn't have...
but i'm not sorry that i made that phone call last night...
and i'm not sorry that i told someone the truth...
and i'm only mildly sad about the fact that the worst thing i've been called is a tremendous cunt...
nothing i haven't heard before...
nothing i won't hear again...
i guess i'm breaking all ties.
i'm tired of holding onto people because i feel obligated to doing so...
i'm tired of saying "i love you" to people who don't have a last name to me...
i was tired of trying to figure out reasons to keep lying to kate about the truth when she simply wasn't my friend anymore...
to tell the truth... we stopped being friends a long time ago. we were simply familiar faces... people who could smile in each other's directions...
it never meant anything...
and as for the other person in the situation...
it doesn't matter what i could say... or what i did say...
i know how this all plays out...
i get told to go fuck myself...
other person gets told "don't do that again"
bad boy...
but that's emotion for you... senseless...
stupid...
fucking moronic...
and it's not my place anymore.
well... i'm done "ranting" about that...
so on to the shit i actually care about:
i'm working on making every entry private... so... this journal's come to a close.
without apology or regret, i have to say...
when i've got everything set up for another account... (which will be, without suprise, a "friend's only" account)
i'll make an update with the information...
until then...
it's been real
~gina~