Lessons
Today I learned something at work. Although I went into work a little frustrated for many reasons beyond what I can usually intake, I learned how to communicate myself a little bit better. One of my co-workers (one of whom I am trying to get closer to as a personal friend) saw how I was and could determine that I wasn't exactly having "one of my better days". Although I felt I kept a low profile, she could tell. But she didn't try and approach it with me through out the day due to the fact we're in Christmas mode in the store (which I appreaciated 'cause I was really focus while I was working today) but towards the end of the night, it seemed better and she had left (her shift ended early in the afternoon) but she came back around the evening to re-pack a gift and also, to speak to me. SO when she came in we spoke & I had assumed for a while that she and I weren't going to speak anymore (which was killing me internally!!!) 'Cause, okay, let me give you the lo-down on this girl. Her name is Alaine and she is amazingly selfless and good hearted and I am crazy about her! (as a friend) I know that in the first entry or so, I mentioned her but if you guys (ppl) could meet her, "you'd fall in love with her so quick." What's not to love??? So anyhow, she and I had this like incredible night in her car (okay, get you're mind's out of the gutter ppl, think clear here! Beside's, "remember me? The guy that is dealing with homosexuality?? Not a lot happening in that department with women, sorry ladies :( ) and we talked about a lot. And it was great because we had like a serious, comical and entertaining conversation in the parking lot of our friend Jon's house, on the way home, then in front of my house! After that night, we never spoke again. (And I assumed the worst.) I started thinking to myself, maybe she and I shouldn't have overstepped some boundaries last night in our conversation? Maybe I should've kept more thing's to myself??? So with all these thoughts consuming my brain throughout the past few days and me feeling overwhelmed by my situations and having no one to vent to, I decided to just ignore her today and I felt so bad. I never felt so bad before about ignoring anyone!! It's like she would try to talk to me and I felt like I couldn't understand her for not calling me after that night or trying to make conversation after that either. "Maybe I was expecting too much?" Yep, I was. We spoke tonight and got a lot of thing's out of the way and it turn's out the both of us didnt understand what happened. It seemed as though we dropped the ball on our communication without us wanting to. We commensed it on a great note and then just left it in the air on a pause. But now that we have resumed ourselves and our conversations, I am so now relieved and relaxed. I just feel she is going to be someone very special to me and I don't want to NOT give that a chance. I'm willing to risk knowing her in spite of everything I've been through with "friends" I feel as if she is different from the rest. The point is, "It's not always good to assume without proper communication no matter what kind of relationship you're in with the other person. Communication is key. And that in itself, is a lesson learned."