A Tour To Treasure
Disclaimer: This is a total figment of my imagination and any resemblance to reality must is a mistake.
Fränk sighed at stared at his glass while Alberto watched him. “Fabian cares about you,” Alberto pointed out.
He wasn’t sure if he wanted support, encouragement or to insult Fabian in as many ways as possible. He had thought they were getting somewhere earlier but apparently he had been mistaken. He didn’t understand what had happened with Tom but Fabian had seemed to be accepting of his touch.
Why had he kissed him again? It had just seemed so natural even with all the press lingering that could have snapped a picture. It had been instinct, Fabian had been upset and he’d wanted to provide comfort.
The crash had been an accident and sure it had been the first one of the Tour but that didn’t warrant what had happened. It hadn’t been deliberate and if he’d been planning on crashing into something he wouldn’t have done it when the team were on the front working hard. He sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair. “I doubt that,” he finally responded.
“He was worried and after what Tom apparently said I wouldn’t blame him if it pushed him too far.”
Fränk looked across at his friend. “I haven’t heard that particular piece of gossip.”
Alberto shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “You know, that we spent last night together and that you’d moved on from Fabian after finding out the sex was diabolical.”
“Diabolical?”
“It was my word to use for today.”
Fränk wouldn’t be surprised if that was what had been discussed between Fabian and Tom but there was definitely more going on between the two of them than just that. That sort of grudge came with a lot of history.
Fabian was sending mixed signals and it was starting to drive him a bit crazy. Granted if he had any self control when he was around Fabian then the signals wouldn’t be mixed but that was beside the point. Last night and this morning and done nothing but confuse him. Fabian didn’t seem to be averse to being kissed on the cheek by him. Maybe he would find some self-control somewhere along the way.
Jens appeared at the table beside him seemingly out of nowhere. “Hey Alberto, how’s it going?”
“Good.”
Fränk thought that 'good' was probably the one thing that things were not for Alberto right now but the Spaniard didn’t know Jens so a polite answer to an equally polite enquiry would be the way to solve that problem. He looked at his team-mate. “Do you mind if I borrow Fränk for a minute?”
Maybe Fabian wasn’t the only one who thought they’d had sex last night. Obviously he hadn’t been loud enough last time he’d had drunken sex. That or they had lousy memories which seemed unlikely given how much grief he’d got for the rest of the week and the following months about it.
Alberto got up from the table and grabbed his glass. “There are some people I want to talk to so you can sit here.”
Fränk watched Alberto walk away and debated briefly whether it would be acceptable to beg his friend not to leave. Jens sat down opposite him and they sat in awkward silence. “Could you not just stick to congratulating Fabian on his performance in the TT?”
“How many times do I have to explain it was an accident?” he snapped.
Jens didn’t really seem satisfied with his answer but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. He really didn’t understand what the big deal was; it was bound to have happened at some point so it was better to get it over with at the start. Fabian’s win yesterday hadn’t been an entirely unexpected result but that hadn’t affected the celebrations afterwards.
“He was waiting for you to congratulate him for nearly an hour before you went over there.
Fränk snorted in disbelief. “I highly doubt he noticed I wasn’t there, he certainly looked like he was enjoying himself.”
The relevance of what happened yesterday and how it related to his crash today eluded him. They were both likely events so for there to be a big fuss about them was just bizarre. “You know that’s not true,” Jens stated. “Fabian threw his lion across the bus!”
“I was there,” he felt the need to say.
Obviously everyone on the team thought he was blind. “Fabian, who dresses for dinner and respects all the rules and protocols that come with the Tour, threw the lion he got for keeping the yellow jersey across the bus.”
Fränk hadn’t got the point the first time so Jens repeating it again, only longer this time, didn’t really help him. He wasn’t really in the mood to think about Fabian any more today, it was only making matters worse. The stage was over and much like yesterday he just wanted to forget about it. At least yesterday he didn’t have road rash. He looked around for Alberto and saw him having a conversation with one of the other Spanish riders.
Obviously getting help ending this conversation wasn’t going to happen. “You missed out that he nearly punched Tom and beat up the team car,” he pointed out helpfully.
Fabian had looked so distressed this morning and Fränk wasn’t sure he was in a much better state this evening. “Where is he?” he asked
“Officially he’s in his room recovering from today’s stage.”
That wasn’t the answer he expected and he found himself unable to stop himself from asking the question that he was apparently meant to. “Unofficially?”
“He’s hiding and you’re not there to drag him out of his room.”
He wasn’t sure when he’d been appointed to keep Fabian happy by the rest of the team but apparently he had. Fränk wasn’t sure he’d have much more success getting Fabian to leave his room than anyone else would. This morning had made it obvious that there was a lot with regards to Fabian’s past that he hadn’t been acquainted with. “He’ll be fine tomorrow,” he dismissed.
He saw Jens frown and knew that he wasn’t going to be allowed to end the conversation there. “So you’re going to do something stupid just to hurt him?”
“He turned me down so I can do what I want.”
“Why don’t you tell Uncle Jens what happened and then we’ll fix it.”
Fränk considered the offer carefully. Andy and Alberto had been just what he’d needed the past few days. Jens however had been around for longer and could possibly provide him with the answers he was looking for. If the German chose to that is and he’s not entirely sure that Jens can do anything about the mess he’s got himself in. Possibly even more humiliating than the interruption to his seduction by his brother was that once he’d started telling Jens what happened he couldn’t stop.
Once he’d recounted the details of this morning he promptly shut up. Jens’ expression had softened the more he talked and now there was a definite look of understanding on his face. “He didn’t reject you,” Jens finally said.
That was not exactly helpful information, if anything it would make the situation more complicated than it was already. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Fränk said.
Jens was polite enough not to contradict his statement by pointing out that’s exactly what he’d just been doing. He’d needed to talk about it and now he was feeling better about the whole thing he realise his German team-mate was never going to be able to tell him things would be all right. “He got burned pretty bad last time, you know?”
Fränk hadn’t anticipated that being let down by Jens was going to be this painful. He couldn’t compete with Fabian’s fear of being hurt again. Hell on the ride from the finish line he hadn’t been able to persuade Fabian not to hate his guts. When he learned to stop throwing himself at the Swiss rider then he’d be able to forget about it. “Look I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better but -”
“Damn it, Fränk,” Jens interrupted. “He’s crazy about you! Why do you think he was so worried when you took ages to get back to the team after your crash?”
He thinks that maybe he preferred it when Jens was doing a bad job of letting him down gently because at least then it was less disorientating. He understood the words Jens was saying but he couldn’t seem to comprehend the meaning. Fabian had turned him down so he obviously didn’t want anything more than friendship. No matter what Jens was saying it just made absolutely no sense.
Then he remembered the way Fabian had acted when Fränk had looked at Alberto last night at the bar. He’d stopped to talk to Alberto on the way back to the team which could help explain Fabian’s mood on the bus back to the hotel. Was it possible that Fabian was sending mixed signals because he thought that’s what he was getting?
Jens’ words finally started to make more sense to him and he sat back in his seat. It still seemed utterly ridiculous that Fabian would turn him down when he was naked in bed waiting if that was what the Swiss really wanted. “I don’t understand.”
“He’s trying to pretend he doesn’t feel the way he does because if it all goes wrong he’ll end up with nothing.”
All of a sudden he began to wonder if maybe there was a small chance after all. “Explain to me why I should give him another chance to reject me,” he said in a rush.
“Surely you’ve heard the rumours?”
Fränk frowned. “About Fabian?”
He tried to think back and work out what rumour Jens was referring to. There had been the usual ones when Fabian had joined CSC from Fassa Bortolo regarding the reasons behind the move. Ivan and Fabian had been close but as far as Fränk could tell that’s as far as it went. He’d been involved with someone at the time so it was always possible that he’d just been too distracted to notice. “That if you want to commit career suicide he’s the guy to go to for relationship advice,” Jens explained.
He didn’t think there was anyone in the peloton who hadn’t heard that particular rumour but Fränk hadn’t paid that much attention to it. He’d gotten to know Fabian fairly well by then and had dismissed it as utterly ridiculous and without basis. Apparently that had been a mistake. “Why would someone hurt him like that? He’s just so...” Fränk wasn’t entirely sure what word he was looking for. “Fabian,” was all he could come up with.
His answer however seemed to please Jens because the German smiled. “He is.”
“Going to fill me in on what I apparently missed?”
Jens seemed to hesitate briefly as though trying to decide if answering that question would be beneficial. “He was involved with Basso when the whole Operation Puerto kicked off.”
For someone who adored going fast like Fabian being involved with someone caught doping was a big deal. What with the whole ‘friend of Birillio’ sample it would explain a lot of the looks being cast in Fabian’s direction last year. It was then that Fränk remembered his own unfortunate history with Dr Fuentes. “When Ivan ended their relationship he had a fling with Boonen.”
Tom who had tested positive for cocaine for the third time in April. Fränk was suddenly starting to get a very clear picture of the reason why Fabian might be a good example of someone trying to commit career suicide. It also highlighted a number of reasons why his attraction to Fabian was never going to meet with a positive response. “Why not let me do something stupid with Alberto? Or at least let Fabian think that’s what I’m doing. It’s not as if he’s going to give me a chance.”
“Fränk,” Jens warned.
“You know I have history as far as Operation Puerto is concerned, he won’t overlook that.”
The look that crossed Jens’ face made Fränk suddenly very worried for his safety. “You’re not the only one interested in Fabian,” the German pointed out.
He knew that, God how he knew that, and now his feelings stood no chance of being returned he was going to have to watch someone else get the opportunity he so desperately wanted. His stomach twisted into knots as he contemplated the two men he’d considered his biggest rivals for Fabian’s affections. Bradley would possibly make more sense with his success on the track and now trying to make the transition to the road. Then again if he wanted to distance himself from Ivan and Tom then David would be the most likely candidate. There were so many possibilities and one morning he was going to find one of them coming out of Fabian’s room.
Until now he hadn’t realised just how much he’d pushed aside his feelings of rejection when given the possibility a more positive outcome by Fabian. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew Fabian wasn’t likely to remain single for long unless by choice but he could’ve done without the images. He concluded that Jens should never be sent anywhere to make someone feel better because it would without doubt be a complete and utter failure. “I understand..”
Jens lent forward across the table so they were closer. “I don’t think you do,” the German said. “We’ve watched the two of you fall in love this past year and we, Team Saxo Bank, feel we’ve got a lot invested in your relationship.”
“I’m not in love!” Fränk protested.
Jens ignored his outburst “We’ve all decided that you could do with a little help in getting exactly what we all want for the both of you.”
“You approve?” Fränk asked.
“We do, but if you hurt him...” Jens let the sentence trail off.
Fränk had no intention of hurting Fabian deliberately but that aside he decided he didn’t really want to think about what the team would do to him if that happened. It was probably an advisable reaction although Tom had apparently escaped the team’s wrath.
He wasn’t sure what sort of ‘help’ they could provide him with. “You have a suggestion?”
“Tell him there’s nothing going on with Alberto.”
“He won’t believe me,” Fränk responded.
There was nothing he could say that would make this situation any better. “Be straight with him and give him time to believe you.”
“Jens, I know you think you’re helping but you’re really not.”
“Be patient and when he realises you’re not going anywhere you’ll have to opportunity to get what you want.”
There was a question nagging at the back of his mind. “How bad did it get, Jens?”
The German looked like he didn’t want to answer that question. Fränk wanted to push for an answer but the silence was telling enough. “Bad enough.”
That was apparently all Jens was comfortable saying and if he wanted to know anything else he was either going to have to find another source or ask Fabian himself.
Fränk walked down the corridor on the way to his room with the beginnings of a headache. There was just so much information he wasn’t sure where to begin. As he approached Fabian’s room however his pace slowed and he gave into the demand to knock. When he pushed the door open he saw Fabian lying on his bed staring forlornly at the lion he’d thrown across the team bus earlier.
He entered the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Where’s Stuey?”
Fabian didn’t look away from the soft teddy. “Decided he couldn’t face looking at me any longer.”
Fränk’s hand came out to rest on Fabian’s back as it did so often when they were out riding. When it wasn’t immediately shrugged off he lent over so his head was closer to Fabian’s, his other arm resting on the bed in front of him. He didn’t move, just stayed watching Fabian.
After a while he saw brown eyes flick in his direction before returning to the lion. “Bad day.”
He didn’t respond, just waited to see if that was all he was being trusted with. When nothing more seemed to be forthcoming he pondered what to say. “I’m okay.”
“Hmmm.”
“Apparently I can’t fly.”
That brought a small half smile to Fabian’s face which was progress at least. “Bjarne would tell you if something bad happened,” he continued, “and if he didn’t then Andy would.”
He never wanted Fabian to worry he wouldn’t know if anything bad happened to him. “I know.”
He looked down when he felt Fabian’s hand come to rest on his arm. Fränk couldn’t believe he was about to take relationship advice from Jens but apparently he was. “Berto wanted to know when I thought Andy might be vacating his bed.”
That made Fabian look away from the lion and at him instead. “What did you say?”
“To check with me after the team TT and he figured that he could probably last that long with his team without injuring anyone.”
“I see.”
“Well I could crash somewhere else since there is a spare bed but it would be odd not sharing a room with Andy,” he explained.
“You’re not...?” Fabian didn’t directly ask the question but it was implied.
“Sleeping with Alberto? No.”
“Really?”
Fabian shifted so he could get onto the bed as well. He hesitated as he began to wonder whether this was accomplishing anything. “There’s nothing going on, we’re just friends. If his team want to think there is and that’s why Alberto’s spending a lot of time here, then I’m not going to correct them.”
As if to underline his assertion he shifted forward and kissed Fabian on the cheek. When he moved back the eyes watching him closely were cautious. Last night could’ve been excused as drunken behaviour, this morning was to provide comfort but there was no explanation for that kiss other than he’d wanted to.
Normally they stopped before they could do anything that could come under the heading of ‘compromising’ if caught on camera somewhere. Fränk was tired of stopping there when he wanted so much more. “What did Tom say?” he asked in an attempt to distract himself from the need to kiss Fabian again.
“To pass his congratulations to you on your relationship with Alberto.”
“Were you involved with him long?” he asked.
Fabian’s expression became more guarded but he didn’t refuse to answer the question. “Six weeks,” he replied. “With the occasional night after that.”
“Who ended it?”
“It wasn’t that sort of relationship. One day he just left and I never called him again after that.”
Something about that didn’t sound right. “That’s all it was?”
“I have a short shelf life as a lover.”
Fränk didn’t believe that for a second but he didn’t contradict the statement. He tried to remember what Jens had said about being patient but he really wanted to ask about Ivan. He wanted to know what was going on between them and if it was going anywhere. Fränk wasn’t sure he could do this no matter how much he wanted it. Not without some indication that progress was being made.
“The soigneurs had trouble trying to hide the bruises,” Fabian murmured quietly.
Fränk wasn’t sure how to respond to that but he knew he had to get it right. “Tom was rough?”
“He likes that sort of thing and it was just after my relationship with Ivan had ended.”
“Were you with Ivan long?”
“Four years or so,” Fabian answered.
He watched the other man closely and was given the distinct impression that now would be a good time to change the subject. “Andy has a crush on Lance.”
He felt Fabian relax and it wasn’t until that happened that he noticed the tension had been there in the first place. “You’ve been holding out on me!”
“Not really, he’s been denying it ever since he moaned Lance’s name while he was asleep.”
Fabian laughed. “I’m sure that was fun for you.”
“I did really enjoy teasing him about it.”
Fabian’s thumb rubbed over his wrist making him shiver. Such a simple touch shouldn’t have such an obvious affect on him, it was embarrassing. Fabian repeated the motion and this time the sensation was stronger. Fränk sucked in a breath and wondered when his body had become this susceptible to being touched.
The fifth time it happened it became obvious it wasn’t an accident. Fabian was deliberately provoking the reaction and he didn’t know how to interpret that. He didn’t want to dissuade Fabian from doing it again by pulling away but at some point he’d begin to want more and that wasn’t likely to be offered. “I’m sure you did.”
“We’re going to attempt to take a trip after the team TT.”
Fabian lifted Fränk’s wrist to his mouth and rubbed it against his stubble-covered jaw. The roughness made Fränk’s skin prickle and not for the first time he wondered where this was going. “Where to?”
He was shocked when Fabian placed a kiss on his wrist. “We were thinking maybe....” the air rushed from his lungs when he felt the rasp of Fabian’s tongue across his wrist. “That maybe....” he gasped as Fabian blew cold air across the wet skin. “I... we... that... Fabian,” he moaned as the process was repeated all over again.
Fränk felt like he’d touched a live wire and all he could do was respond to the onslaught of pleasurable sensations. His other hand gripped tightly at Fabian’s t-shirt as he reminded himself he had to be quiet. The touch was so focused and it had been such a long since he’d been touched this way. He lent forward to bury his face in Fabian’s t-shirt, making it impossible for the caress to continue as he gasped for breath. His heart was racing and he tried to calm it. Fabian’s arm came around him and held him close.
What did this mean for them now? Fränk wanted to ask but he was afraid of what the answer would be. He shifted so he could hear the reassuring thump of Fabian’s heart and decided that he could wait for that answer until he’d calmed down.
Fränk woke the following morning warm and contented. He made a happy sound and tried to burrow further into his pillow. He didn’t want to get up; he wanted to stay right where he was. The alarm started beeping annoyingly but he decided to ignore it. Andy eventually turned it off which meant he could go back to sleep for a bit longer.
He went to stretch which he regretted when he felt himself falling out of bed. He landed on the floor with a bump. He heard a chuckle from the bed next to him but he still refused to open his eyes. “See if I share my water with you later,” he groused.
The laughter grew louder then. “That’s a nice offer Fränk, but since I’m probably the one who’s going to have to get it I’ll just make sure I get my own.”
Fränk’s eyes opened widely and he sat up hastily. “Stuey,” he murmured. “Where’s Andy?”
He rubbed a hand over his face and attempted to wake up. “Still in bed I presume.”
Stuart gestured with his head so Fränk turned and looked in that direction. Fabian was lying on his stomach on the other tiny bed. He looked between the two men until it finally dawned on him that his pillow hadn’t really been a pillow. “I have pictures if you don’t believe me,” Stuart said.
Fränk scrambled to his feet. “I need to-”
“Relax, I told Andy where you were.”
Now he was standing he could see the damp patch on Fabian’s t-shirt where he’d obviously had his head. Maybe he should leave right now before Fabian could wake up and realise what had happened. “I thought Jens was meant to be explaining to you why you should be patient and not rush things,” Stuart continued.
Why was everyone blaming him? If Fabian hadn’t decided to tease him then none of this would’ve happened. He had tried to keep things casual but that hadn’t worked. Stuart seemed to take pity on him and picked up his mobile. After pressing a few buttons the screen was held in Fränk’s direction. He looked at the image of the two of them.
Obviously at some point after they’d fallen asleep they’d shifted position and stayed like that all night. He was half lying over Fabian, his head resting on a very comfortable shoulder as his arm wrapped around Fabian the best that it could. Stuart pressed a button and another picture came onto the screen. He stepped back when he saw it as his mind began to race. “I have to go,” he said all of a sudden.
“Fränk!”
He rushed from the room and came to a stop just outside. The image of their joined hands seemed to be burned into his brain. Even though at some point before they’d woken his hand had been released Fabian had been holding it securely before then.
His heart thumped in his chest and he wanted to go back so he could be there when Fabian woke. Instead he forced himself to go back to his room so he could prepare for the day ahead. As the door swung shut behind him it finally registered that the pair on the bed were kissing and he was most definitely interrupting. He walked straight into the bathroom and closed the door loudly.
Andy and Alberto? When had that happened? His heart began to ache as he realised he might never get the opportunity to be woken by Fabian that way. One night wasn’t enough, he wanted more but mostly he just wanted Fabian to kiss him.
Last night should never have happened, they weren’t ready for it. Fabian wouldn’t even kiss him but apparently sex might not be totally out of the question. It wasn’t what he wanted and it would never satisfy him. Fränk sat down on the edge of the bath and began to wonder how he was going to get himself out of this mess.
When he eventually emerged from the bathroom Andy and Alberto were sitting on the bed fully dressed. “Fränk-” Andy started.
He waved his hand in dismissal; he didn’t want to talk about this now. “You have messages,” Alberto supplied helpfully.
He went and picked up his phone which was resting on the table by the bed. He picked it up, pressed a few buttons and then suddenly he was looking at Stuart’s photos again. The phone slid from his hand and landed on the bed. “Fränk?”
Andy had crossed the room and wrapped comforting arms around him. “You looked so happy I didn’t want to wake you.”
It was too much but he really didn’t know why he was behaving this way. It wasn’t as if anything happened! Alberto got up from the bed and came to see what all the fuss was about. The Spaniard picked up the phone and looked at it. He felt his friend’s hand come to rest on his shoulder. “Looks like someone had fun last night.”
“Alberto!” Andy admonished.
Fränk couldn’t blame Alberto, he should really be happy about the events of yesterday. He didn’t understand why he wasn’t. He’d spent the night with Fabian, curled around the body he’d admired from afar for so long. Fabian had been holding Fränk’s hand close to him, as though he wanted to know the instant anything disturbed them.
Andy kissed his cheek. “He’s just being cautious.”
“Really want this,” Fränk said barely above a whisper.
“I know.”
“You don’t understand-”
Andy grasped his head firmly. “I know, Fränk.”
Fränk sighed at stared at his glass while Alberto watched him. “Fabian cares about you,” Alberto pointed out.
He wasn’t sure if he wanted support, encouragement or to insult Fabian in as many ways as possible. He had thought they were getting somewhere earlier but apparently he had been mistaken. He didn’t understand what had happened with Tom but Fabian had seemed to be accepting of his touch.
Why had he kissed him again? It had just seemed so natural even with all the press lingering that could have snapped a picture. It had been instinct, Fabian had been upset and he’d wanted to provide comfort.
The crash had been an accident and sure it had been the first one of the Tour but that didn’t warrant what had happened. It hadn’t been deliberate and if he’d been planning on crashing into something he wouldn’t have done it when the team were on the front working hard. He sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair. “I doubt that,” he finally responded.
“He was worried and after what Tom apparently said I wouldn’t blame him if it pushed him too far.”
Fränk looked across at his friend. “I haven’t heard that particular piece of gossip.”
Alberto shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “You know, that we spent last night together and that you’d moved on from Fabian after finding out the sex was diabolical.”
“Diabolical?”
“It was my word to use for today.”
Fränk wouldn’t be surprised if that was what had been discussed between Fabian and Tom but there was definitely more going on between the two of them than just that. That sort of grudge came with a lot of history.
Fabian was sending mixed signals and it was starting to drive him a bit crazy. Granted if he had any self control when he was around Fabian then the signals wouldn’t be mixed but that was beside the point. Last night and this morning and done nothing but confuse him. Fabian didn’t seem to be averse to being kissed on the cheek by him. Maybe he would find some self-control somewhere along the way.
Jens appeared at the table beside him seemingly out of nowhere. “Hey Alberto, how’s it going?”
“Good.”
Fränk thought that 'good' was probably the one thing that things were not for Alberto right now but the Spaniard didn’t know Jens so a polite answer to an equally polite enquiry would be the way to solve that problem. He looked at his team-mate. “Do you mind if I borrow Fränk for a minute?”
Maybe Fabian wasn’t the only one who thought they’d had sex last night. Obviously he hadn’t been loud enough last time he’d had drunken sex. That or they had lousy memories which seemed unlikely given how much grief he’d got for the rest of the week and the following months about it.
Alberto got up from the table and grabbed his glass. “There are some people I want to talk to so you can sit here.”
Fränk watched Alberto walk away and debated briefly whether it would be acceptable to beg his friend not to leave. Jens sat down opposite him and they sat in awkward silence. “Could you not just stick to congratulating Fabian on his performance in the TT?”
“How many times do I have to explain it was an accident?” he snapped.
Jens didn’t really seem satisfied with his answer but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. He really didn’t understand what the big deal was; it was bound to have happened at some point so it was better to get it over with at the start. Fabian’s win yesterday hadn’t been an entirely unexpected result but that hadn’t affected the celebrations afterwards.
“He was waiting for you to congratulate him for nearly an hour before you went over there.
Fränk snorted in disbelief. “I highly doubt he noticed I wasn’t there, he certainly looked like he was enjoying himself.”
The relevance of what happened yesterday and how it related to his crash today eluded him. They were both likely events so for there to be a big fuss about them was just bizarre. “You know that’s not true,” Jens stated. “Fabian threw his lion across the bus!”
“I was there,” he felt the need to say.
Obviously everyone on the team thought he was blind. “Fabian, who dresses for dinner and respects all the rules and protocols that come with the Tour, threw the lion he got for keeping the yellow jersey across the bus.”
Fränk hadn’t got the point the first time so Jens repeating it again, only longer this time, didn’t really help him. He wasn’t really in the mood to think about Fabian any more today, it was only making matters worse. The stage was over and much like yesterday he just wanted to forget about it. At least yesterday he didn’t have road rash. He looked around for Alberto and saw him having a conversation with one of the other Spanish riders.
Obviously getting help ending this conversation wasn’t going to happen. “You missed out that he nearly punched Tom and beat up the team car,” he pointed out helpfully.
Fabian had looked so distressed this morning and Fränk wasn’t sure he was in a much better state this evening. “Where is he?” he asked
“Officially he’s in his room recovering from today’s stage.”
That wasn’t the answer he expected and he found himself unable to stop himself from asking the question that he was apparently meant to. “Unofficially?”
“He’s hiding and you’re not there to drag him out of his room.”
He wasn’t sure when he’d been appointed to keep Fabian happy by the rest of the team but apparently he had. Fränk wasn’t sure he’d have much more success getting Fabian to leave his room than anyone else would. This morning had made it obvious that there was a lot with regards to Fabian’s past that he hadn’t been acquainted with. “He’ll be fine tomorrow,” he dismissed.
He saw Jens frown and knew that he wasn’t going to be allowed to end the conversation there. “So you’re going to do something stupid just to hurt him?”
“He turned me down so I can do what I want.”
“Why don’t you tell Uncle Jens what happened and then we’ll fix it.”
Fränk considered the offer carefully. Andy and Alberto had been just what he’d needed the past few days. Jens however had been around for longer and could possibly provide him with the answers he was looking for. If the German chose to that is and he’s not entirely sure that Jens can do anything about the mess he’s got himself in. Possibly even more humiliating than the interruption to his seduction by his brother was that once he’d started telling Jens what happened he couldn’t stop.
Once he’d recounted the details of this morning he promptly shut up. Jens’ expression had softened the more he talked and now there was a definite look of understanding on his face. “He didn’t reject you,” Jens finally said.
That was not exactly helpful information, if anything it would make the situation more complicated than it was already. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Fränk said.
Jens was polite enough not to contradict his statement by pointing out that’s exactly what he’d just been doing. He’d needed to talk about it and now he was feeling better about the whole thing he realise his German team-mate was never going to be able to tell him things would be all right. “He got burned pretty bad last time, you know?”
Fränk hadn’t anticipated that being let down by Jens was going to be this painful. He couldn’t compete with Fabian’s fear of being hurt again. Hell on the ride from the finish line he hadn’t been able to persuade Fabian not to hate his guts. When he learned to stop throwing himself at the Swiss rider then he’d be able to forget about it. “Look I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better but -”
“Damn it, Fränk,” Jens interrupted. “He’s crazy about you! Why do you think he was so worried when you took ages to get back to the team after your crash?”
He thinks that maybe he preferred it when Jens was doing a bad job of letting him down gently because at least then it was less disorientating. He understood the words Jens was saying but he couldn’t seem to comprehend the meaning. Fabian had turned him down so he obviously didn’t want anything more than friendship. No matter what Jens was saying it just made absolutely no sense.
Then he remembered the way Fabian had acted when Fränk had looked at Alberto last night at the bar. He’d stopped to talk to Alberto on the way back to the team which could help explain Fabian’s mood on the bus back to the hotel. Was it possible that Fabian was sending mixed signals because he thought that’s what he was getting?
Jens’ words finally started to make more sense to him and he sat back in his seat. It still seemed utterly ridiculous that Fabian would turn him down when he was naked in bed waiting if that was what the Swiss really wanted. “I don’t understand.”
“He’s trying to pretend he doesn’t feel the way he does because if it all goes wrong he’ll end up with nothing.”
All of a sudden he began to wonder if maybe there was a small chance after all. “Explain to me why I should give him another chance to reject me,” he said in a rush.
“Surely you’ve heard the rumours?”
Fränk frowned. “About Fabian?”
He tried to think back and work out what rumour Jens was referring to. There had been the usual ones when Fabian had joined CSC from Fassa Bortolo regarding the reasons behind the move. Ivan and Fabian had been close but as far as Fränk could tell that’s as far as it went. He’d been involved with someone at the time so it was always possible that he’d just been too distracted to notice. “That if you want to commit career suicide he’s the guy to go to for relationship advice,” Jens explained.
He didn’t think there was anyone in the peloton who hadn’t heard that particular rumour but Fränk hadn’t paid that much attention to it. He’d gotten to know Fabian fairly well by then and had dismissed it as utterly ridiculous and without basis. Apparently that had been a mistake. “Why would someone hurt him like that? He’s just so...” Fränk wasn’t entirely sure what word he was looking for. “Fabian,” was all he could come up with.
His answer however seemed to please Jens because the German smiled. “He is.”
“Going to fill me in on what I apparently missed?”
Jens seemed to hesitate briefly as though trying to decide if answering that question would be beneficial. “He was involved with Basso when the whole Operation Puerto kicked off.”
For someone who adored going fast like Fabian being involved with someone caught doping was a big deal. What with the whole ‘friend of Birillio’ sample it would explain a lot of the looks being cast in Fabian’s direction last year. It was then that Fränk remembered his own unfortunate history with Dr Fuentes. “When Ivan ended their relationship he had a fling with Boonen.”
Tom who had tested positive for cocaine for the third time in April. Fränk was suddenly starting to get a very clear picture of the reason why Fabian might be a good example of someone trying to commit career suicide. It also highlighted a number of reasons why his attraction to Fabian was never going to meet with a positive response. “Why not let me do something stupid with Alberto? Or at least let Fabian think that’s what I’m doing. It’s not as if he’s going to give me a chance.”
“Fränk,” Jens warned.
“You know I have history as far as Operation Puerto is concerned, he won’t overlook that.”
The look that crossed Jens’ face made Fränk suddenly very worried for his safety. “You’re not the only one interested in Fabian,” the German pointed out.
He knew that, God how he knew that, and now his feelings stood no chance of being returned he was going to have to watch someone else get the opportunity he so desperately wanted. His stomach twisted into knots as he contemplated the two men he’d considered his biggest rivals for Fabian’s affections. Bradley would possibly make more sense with his success on the track and now trying to make the transition to the road. Then again if he wanted to distance himself from Ivan and Tom then David would be the most likely candidate. There were so many possibilities and one morning he was going to find one of them coming out of Fabian’s room.
Until now he hadn’t realised just how much he’d pushed aside his feelings of rejection when given the possibility a more positive outcome by Fabian. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew Fabian wasn’t likely to remain single for long unless by choice but he could’ve done without the images. He concluded that Jens should never be sent anywhere to make someone feel better because it would without doubt be a complete and utter failure. “I understand..”
Jens lent forward across the table so they were closer. “I don’t think you do,” the German said. “We’ve watched the two of you fall in love this past year and we, Team Saxo Bank, feel we’ve got a lot invested in your relationship.”
“I’m not in love!” Fränk protested.
Jens ignored his outburst “We’ve all decided that you could do with a little help in getting exactly what we all want for the both of you.”
“You approve?” Fränk asked.
“We do, but if you hurt him...” Jens let the sentence trail off.
Fränk had no intention of hurting Fabian deliberately but that aside he decided he didn’t really want to think about what the team would do to him if that happened. It was probably an advisable reaction although Tom had apparently escaped the team’s wrath.
He wasn’t sure what sort of ‘help’ they could provide him with. “You have a suggestion?”
“Tell him there’s nothing going on with Alberto.”
“He won’t believe me,” Fränk responded.
There was nothing he could say that would make this situation any better. “Be straight with him and give him time to believe you.”
“Jens, I know you think you’re helping but you’re really not.”
“Be patient and when he realises you’re not going anywhere you’ll have to opportunity to get what you want.”
There was a question nagging at the back of his mind. “How bad did it get, Jens?”
The German looked like he didn’t want to answer that question. Fränk wanted to push for an answer but the silence was telling enough. “Bad enough.”
That was apparently all Jens was comfortable saying and if he wanted to know anything else he was either going to have to find another source or ask Fabian himself.
Fränk walked down the corridor on the way to his room with the beginnings of a headache. There was just so much information he wasn’t sure where to begin. As he approached Fabian’s room however his pace slowed and he gave into the demand to knock. When he pushed the door open he saw Fabian lying on his bed staring forlornly at the lion he’d thrown across the team bus earlier.
He entered the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Where’s Stuey?”
Fabian didn’t look away from the soft teddy. “Decided he couldn’t face looking at me any longer.”
Fränk’s hand came out to rest on Fabian’s back as it did so often when they were out riding. When it wasn’t immediately shrugged off he lent over so his head was closer to Fabian’s, his other arm resting on the bed in front of him. He didn’t move, just stayed watching Fabian.
After a while he saw brown eyes flick in his direction before returning to the lion. “Bad day.”
He didn’t respond, just waited to see if that was all he was being trusted with. When nothing more seemed to be forthcoming he pondered what to say. “I’m okay.”
“Hmmm.”
“Apparently I can’t fly.”
That brought a small half smile to Fabian’s face which was progress at least. “Bjarne would tell you if something bad happened,” he continued, “and if he didn’t then Andy would.”
He never wanted Fabian to worry he wouldn’t know if anything bad happened to him. “I know.”
He looked down when he felt Fabian’s hand come to rest on his arm. Fränk couldn’t believe he was about to take relationship advice from Jens but apparently he was. “Berto wanted to know when I thought Andy might be vacating his bed.”
That made Fabian look away from the lion and at him instead. “What did you say?”
“To check with me after the team TT and he figured that he could probably last that long with his team without injuring anyone.”
“I see.”
“Well I could crash somewhere else since there is a spare bed but it would be odd not sharing a room with Andy,” he explained.
“You’re not...?” Fabian didn’t directly ask the question but it was implied.
“Sleeping with Alberto? No.”
“Really?”
Fabian shifted so he could get onto the bed as well. He hesitated as he began to wonder whether this was accomplishing anything. “There’s nothing going on, we’re just friends. If his team want to think there is and that’s why Alberto’s spending a lot of time here, then I’m not going to correct them.”
As if to underline his assertion he shifted forward and kissed Fabian on the cheek. When he moved back the eyes watching him closely were cautious. Last night could’ve been excused as drunken behaviour, this morning was to provide comfort but there was no explanation for that kiss other than he’d wanted to.
Normally they stopped before they could do anything that could come under the heading of ‘compromising’ if caught on camera somewhere. Fränk was tired of stopping there when he wanted so much more. “What did Tom say?” he asked in an attempt to distract himself from the need to kiss Fabian again.
“To pass his congratulations to you on your relationship with Alberto.”
“Were you involved with him long?” he asked.
Fabian’s expression became more guarded but he didn’t refuse to answer the question. “Six weeks,” he replied. “With the occasional night after that.”
“Who ended it?”
“It wasn’t that sort of relationship. One day he just left and I never called him again after that.”
Something about that didn’t sound right. “That’s all it was?”
“I have a short shelf life as a lover.”
Fränk didn’t believe that for a second but he didn’t contradict the statement. He tried to remember what Jens had said about being patient but he really wanted to ask about Ivan. He wanted to know what was going on between them and if it was going anywhere. Fränk wasn’t sure he could do this no matter how much he wanted it. Not without some indication that progress was being made.
“The soigneurs had trouble trying to hide the bruises,” Fabian murmured quietly.
Fränk wasn’t sure how to respond to that but he knew he had to get it right. “Tom was rough?”
“He likes that sort of thing and it was just after my relationship with Ivan had ended.”
“Were you with Ivan long?”
“Four years or so,” Fabian answered.
He watched the other man closely and was given the distinct impression that now would be a good time to change the subject. “Andy has a crush on Lance.”
He felt Fabian relax and it wasn’t until that happened that he noticed the tension had been there in the first place. “You’ve been holding out on me!”
“Not really, he’s been denying it ever since he moaned Lance’s name while he was asleep.”
Fabian laughed. “I’m sure that was fun for you.”
“I did really enjoy teasing him about it.”
Fabian’s thumb rubbed over his wrist making him shiver. Such a simple touch shouldn’t have such an obvious affect on him, it was embarrassing. Fabian repeated the motion and this time the sensation was stronger. Fränk sucked in a breath and wondered when his body had become this susceptible to being touched.
The fifth time it happened it became obvious it wasn’t an accident. Fabian was deliberately provoking the reaction and he didn’t know how to interpret that. He didn’t want to dissuade Fabian from doing it again by pulling away but at some point he’d begin to want more and that wasn’t likely to be offered. “I’m sure you did.”
“We’re going to attempt to take a trip after the team TT.”
Fabian lifted Fränk’s wrist to his mouth and rubbed it against his stubble-covered jaw. The roughness made Fränk’s skin prickle and not for the first time he wondered where this was going. “Where to?”
He was shocked when Fabian placed a kiss on his wrist. “We were thinking maybe....” the air rushed from his lungs when he felt the rasp of Fabian’s tongue across his wrist. “That maybe....” he gasped as Fabian blew cold air across the wet skin. “I... we... that... Fabian,” he moaned as the process was repeated all over again.
Fränk felt like he’d touched a live wire and all he could do was respond to the onslaught of pleasurable sensations. His other hand gripped tightly at Fabian’s t-shirt as he reminded himself he had to be quiet. The touch was so focused and it had been such a long since he’d been touched this way. He lent forward to bury his face in Fabian’s t-shirt, making it impossible for the caress to continue as he gasped for breath. His heart was racing and he tried to calm it. Fabian’s arm came around him and held him close.
What did this mean for them now? Fränk wanted to ask but he was afraid of what the answer would be. He shifted so he could hear the reassuring thump of Fabian’s heart and decided that he could wait for that answer until he’d calmed down.
Fränk woke the following morning warm and contented. He made a happy sound and tried to burrow further into his pillow. He didn’t want to get up; he wanted to stay right where he was. The alarm started beeping annoyingly but he decided to ignore it. Andy eventually turned it off which meant he could go back to sleep for a bit longer.
He went to stretch which he regretted when he felt himself falling out of bed. He landed on the floor with a bump. He heard a chuckle from the bed next to him but he still refused to open his eyes. “See if I share my water with you later,” he groused.
The laughter grew louder then. “That’s a nice offer Fränk, but since I’m probably the one who’s going to have to get it I’ll just make sure I get my own.”
Fränk’s eyes opened widely and he sat up hastily. “Stuey,” he murmured. “Where’s Andy?”
He rubbed a hand over his face and attempted to wake up. “Still in bed I presume.”
Stuart gestured with his head so Fränk turned and looked in that direction. Fabian was lying on his stomach on the other tiny bed. He looked between the two men until it finally dawned on him that his pillow hadn’t really been a pillow. “I have pictures if you don’t believe me,” Stuart said.
Fränk scrambled to his feet. “I need to-”
“Relax, I told Andy where you were.”
Now he was standing he could see the damp patch on Fabian’s t-shirt where he’d obviously had his head. Maybe he should leave right now before Fabian could wake up and realise what had happened. “I thought Jens was meant to be explaining to you why you should be patient and not rush things,” Stuart continued.
Why was everyone blaming him? If Fabian hadn’t decided to tease him then none of this would’ve happened. He had tried to keep things casual but that hadn’t worked. Stuart seemed to take pity on him and picked up his mobile. After pressing a few buttons the screen was held in Fränk’s direction. He looked at the image of the two of them.
Obviously at some point after they’d fallen asleep they’d shifted position and stayed like that all night. He was half lying over Fabian, his head resting on a very comfortable shoulder as his arm wrapped around Fabian the best that it could. Stuart pressed a button and another picture came onto the screen. He stepped back when he saw it as his mind began to race. “I have to go,” he said all of a sudden.
“Fränk!”
He rushed from the room and came to a stop just outside. The image of their joined hands seemed to be burned into his brain. Even though at some point before they’d woken his hand had been released Fabian had been holding it securely before then.
His heart thumped in his chest and he wanted to go back so he could be there when Fabian woke. Instead he forced himself to go back to his room so he could prepare for the day ahead. As the door swung shut behind him it finally registered that the pair on the bed were kissing and he was most definitely interrupting. He walked straight into the bathroom and closed the door loudly.
Andy and Alberto? When had that happened? His heart began to ache as he realised he might never get the opportunity to be woken by Fabian that way. One night wasn’t enough, he wanted more but mostly he just wanted Fabian to kiss him.
Last night should never have happened, they weren’t ready for it. Fabian wouldn’t even kiss him but apparently sex might not be totally out of the question. It wasn’t what he wanted and it would never satisfy him. Fränk sat down on the edge of the bath and began to wonder how he was going to get himself out of this mess.
When he eventually emerged from the bathroom Andy and Alberto were sitting on the bed fully dressed. “Fränk-” Andy started.
He waved his hand in dismissal; he didn’t want to talk about this now. “You have messages,” Alberto supplied helpfully.
He went and picked up his phone which was resting on the table by the bed. He picked it up, pressed a few buttons and then suddenly he was looking at Stuart’s photos again. The phone slid from his hand and landed on the bed. “Fränk?”
Andy had crossed the room and wrapped comforting arms around him. “You looked so happy I didn’t want to wake you.”
It was too much but he really didn’t know why he was behaving this way. It wasn’t as if anything happened! Alberto got up from the bed and came to see what all the fuss was about. The Spaniard picked up the phone and looked at it. He felt his friend’s hand come to rest on his shoulder. “Looks like someone had fun last night.”
“Alberto!” Andy admonished.
Fränk couldn’t blame Alberto, he should really be happy about the events of yesterday. He didn’t understand why he wasn’t. He’d spent the night with Fabian, curled around the body he’d admired from afar for so long. Fabian had been holding Fränk’s hand close to him, as though he wanted to know the instant anything disturbed them.
Andy kissed his cheek. “He’s just being cautious.”
“Really want this,” Fränk said barely above a whisper.
“I know.”
“You don’t understand-”
Andy grasped his head firmly. “I know, Fränk.”