Learning to Hope Again
Title: Learning to Hope Again
Author: tour_treasure
Artist: qafmaniac
Genre: angst, romance.
Pairings: Carlos/Daniel
Word Count: 1,786
Rating: Adult
Warnings: none
Summary: Daniel's determined to do the right thing and end his relationship with Carlos. Unfortunately for him Carlos has other plans and they do not include letting Daniel go.
Daniel walked across the sand towards the sea and hoped that nobody would notice him. Turquoise water rushed over his feet in greeting and he was grateful for the familiar feeling. It didn’t provide the solace it usually did so he just stood there and hoped it would.
This past month had been so perfect and it looked like it was only going to continue. The cruise hadn’t been all fun and games, at the end of the first week he’d been convinced the boat would sink and had wanted to get to dry land as fast as humanly possible. Thankfully that had passed else it’d have been a taxing few weeks after that.
He surveyed the relatively deserted private beach and was thankful for at least some small mercies. It wasn’t as far away from their accommodation as he’d like, he could see the huts suspended out on the water in the distance, but it was better than nothing.
He ran his fingers through his tousled, short brown hair and began to walk along the beach. Was it wrong to wish to be home again? He wanted to be so far from this idyllic paradise that he could quiet the voices inside of him that were clamouring for attention.
Daniel knew he should be happy, he was meant to be celebrating, but all he wanted was to pretend none of this was happening. He wanted to be at work and then spend the evening in the pub with his friends. Daniel looked up at the clear, blue sky and wondered if it was too much to hope for a little rain, a few black clouds and a fierce breeze.
It was long past time to do the right thing, to let Carlos slip through his fingers and return him to a world Daniel knew nothing about. It had come so easy in the beginning, casual kisses from an easy-going man. Kisses that tied him into knots and had persuaded him to bring Carlos back to his flat.
The minute Daniel had laid eyes on Carlos he’d known that he was in trouble. There was something about the shaggy brown hair and the inquisitive eyes. Though to be fair it should’ve been the facial hair that tipped him off, he’d never really been a fan but now all he really wanted was to feel that soft hair pressed against his neck.
No, he wasn’t going to be dissuaded from making the right choice by the fact that Carlos was ridiculously sexy. Their relationship had gone on far too long and it was time to put a stop to it. If it went on any longer then he was going to find it even harder to leave.
Daniel sucked in a breath and looked out across the calm waters. He couldn’t allow himself to be sucked in again because it had hurt too much the last time. “You look like you’re thinking far too hard for such a beautiful day.”
Daniel looked to his left and saw Carlos walking towards him bare-chested, wearing a pair of baggy shorts. He wondered if there would ever be a time he was immune to that sight as Carlos reached for him and joined their lips together in a gentle kiss. “Want to talk about it?”
He adored that accent too, though he should probably not tell Carlos that he found the tone soothing. It wouldn’t earn him any boyfriend points. Not that he was looking to earn any more, it just... Dark eyes roved his face and then Carlos was kissing him again and Daniel was helpless to resist. “Much better,” Carlos sounded smug.
Now was the time to say something, to ignore what had just happened and say what he needed to say, but now Daniel found himself unable to say the words that had been so important to him moments ago. Carlos was so ridiculously pretty, he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away. This was only going to get awkward and he was only going to get his heart broken. He really needed to get better control over himself and stop being distracted by those perfect lips. He reached up to touch and felt a flash of need as his thumb grazed across the mouth he longed to kiss. “If you keep looking at me like that I might just have to persuade you that it’s far too hot to be out here.”
Daniel shivered at the words and Carlos nipped gently at his thumb. “Dan,” Carlos murmured.
He tried to tune out the need in those words, the hunger he knew would stir in him if he let things continue the way they were. It wasn’t a good idea to encourage those thoughts, he was in far too precarious a position as it was. He was having far too much fun and if it kept on he’d only start thinking about things he shouldn’t. “I’m so glad I met you.”
“Carlos-”
This wasn’t good, it wasn’t right, and Daniel felt the panic begin to build inside of him. Why did he have to like Carlos so much? He wasn’t ready for how much this was going to hurt when it ended. He should never have let this start, his confidence was far too shaky for this. “I love you.”
“Maybe we should go for a walk, yeah?” Daniel suggested. “It’s a nice day and there aren’t a lot of people about.”
He heard Carlos sigh resignedly as he turned to walk away but then a hand grabbed firmly at his wrist and caused him to stop. “Are you ever going to trust me, Dan? Are there more hoops I need to jump through before you’ll let me in or is it just something you’re never going to do?”
He pulled at the grip on his wrist but it merely tightened. He felt himself pale and he tugged harder hoping he would be let go. Carlos released his wrist and held his hands up in surrender. Daniel turned away and began walking back the way he came. He didn’t really want to go back to their accommodation but he felt far too exposed here.
He was sat looking out over a vast, clear blue sea when Carlos came back and sat beside him. Neither of them spoke, they just sat there together. It was entirely pleasant yet Daniel was trying to fight the impulse to flee far away along with the desire to reach out and touch Carlos in some way. “I keep on forgetting you’re not used to this,” Carlos said.
“No, it’s okay, it’s my fault-” Daniel babbled until Carlos reached out and put a finger on his lips to silence him.
“I love coming here and I wanted to share that with you, I forgot that you’re still learning to trust me and this is probably the last thing our relationship needs. I got over enthusiastic and lost my head for a moment.”
Daniel can’t imagine Carlos ever losing his head over anything, it just doesn’t seem like the other man. “I’m sorry-”
“Don’t,” Carlos said. “I’m really not in the mood to hear it.”
He’d never expected to hear such a dismissal coming from Carlos, it didn’t seem right. Daniel glanced across at the other man and was surprised to see the look of resignation. It had been so long since he’d been happy, the bone-deep kind that left him with a permanent smile and filled with excitement that was impossible to contain. It was the sort that Carlos prompted, or would be if Daniel would quit running away from it.
He wasn’t sure he had it in him not to, he’d been down this road before and it hadn’t ended well. How was he meant to trust that it wouldn’t end that badly a second time? He was only just recovering from the last time and that had taken long enough. This time would be different because this time he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Carlos was worthy of that type of trust. Daniel wasn’t sure he had that much of himself he could afford to give and risk losing again.
He wished he were somewhere different, somewhere where he could fully appreciate the kind of man Carlos was but he isn’t. He’ll get there, he can already see brief glimmers of hope on the horizon, but every time he reaches out to touch the old fear rises up and makes him stop. Trusting Carlos is a huge leap of faith and he isn’t quite sure he’s ready to make a jump quite that far yet.
Daniel felt something settle in his chest as he admitted that. He wasn’t ready yet and that was okay, except now he wasn’t sure what to do with Carlos. It would’ve made sense for him to have this revelation before he got himself entangled in this relationship. “You’ve been telling me for a while you’re not ready for this and I didn’t listen.”
“When I’m with you I’m myself and it’s been a long time since I’ve been that. I’m not sure I’m ready for it but with you it just happens if I don’t watch what I say. I’m not sure I’m ready to believe all the good things you have to say about me.”
“Daniel-”
“It’s like some sort of paradise here and being with you as well....” he let his words trail off when he couldn’t work out what it was he wanted to say.
“It’s all right to dream, Daniel,” Carlos said.
He looked out across the water and surveyed the idyllic scene before he turned his gaze back to Carlos. “I’m afraid to.”
Carlos leant forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He reached up and threaded his fingers through the shaggy hair. Why couldn’t everything be this simple? Daniel tilted his head and felt himself smile when Carlos took the hint and pressed kisses to his neck. “What is it you want?”
The question and the abrupt loss of contact made Daniel focus back on their present situation. “You,” he confessed and reached out to trail fingers lightly over Carlos’ face. “I just need you to teach me how to dream again.”
Carlos smiles and he can’t help but mirror the action. “Well that’s something I can work with.”
Daniel isn’t sure how this is going to work out with them but he does feel more hopeful than he has for a while. Carlos might not have the patience to wait for him to be ready or he might never learn to hope again, but he wants to try. Maybe for now that’s all that’s important.
Author: tour_treasure
Artist: qafmaniac
Genre: angst, romance.
Pairings: Carlos/Daniel
Word Count: 1,786
Rating: Adult
Warnings: none
Summary: Daniel's determined to do the right thing and end his relationship with Carlos. Unfortunately for him Carlos has other plans and they do not include letting Daniel go.
Daniel walked across the sand towards the sea and hoped that nobody would notice him. Turquoise water rushed over his feet in greeting and he was grateful for the familiar feeling. It didn’t provide the solace it usually did so he just stood there and hoped it would.
This past month had been so perfect and it looked like it was only going to continue. The cruise hadn’t been all fun and games, at the end of the first week he’d been convinced the boat would sink and had wanted to get to dry land as fast as humanly possible. Thankfully that had passed else it’d have been a taxing few weeks after that.
He surveyed the relatively deserted private beach and was thankful for at least some small mercies. It wasn’t as far away from their accommodation as he’d like, he could see the huts suspended out on the water in the distance, but it was better than nothing.
He ran his fingers through his tousled, short brown hair and began to walk along the beach. Was it wrong to wish to be home again? He wanted to be so far from this idyllic paradise that he could quiet the voices inside of him that were clamouring for attention.
Daniel knew he should be happy, he was meant to be celebrating, but all he wanted was to pretend none of this was happening. He wanted to be at work and then spend the evening in the pub with his friends. Daniel looked up at the clear, blue sky and wondered if it was too much to hope for a little rain, a few black clouds and a fierce breeze.
It was long past time to do the right thing, to let Carlos slip through his fingers and return him to a world Daniel knew nothing about. It had come so easy in the beginning, casual kisses from an easy-going man. Kisses that tied him into knots and had persuaded him to bring Carlos back to his flat.
The minute Daniel had laid eyes on Carlos he’d known that he was in trouble. There was something about the shaggy brown hair and the inquisitive eyes. Though to be fair it should’ve been the facial hair that tipped him off, he’d never really been a fan but now all he really wanted was to feel that soft hair pressed against his neck.
No, he wasn’t going to be dissuaded from making the right choice by the fact that Carlos was ridiculously sexy. Their relationship had gone on far too long and it was time to put a stop to it. If it went on any longer then he was going to find it even harder to leave.
Daniel sucked in a breath and looked out across the calm waters. He couldn’t allow himself to be sucked in again because it had hurt too much the last time. “You look like you’re thinking far too hard for such a beautiful day.”
Daniel looked to his left and saw Carlos walking towards him bare-chested, wearing a pair of baggy shorts. He wondered if there would ever be a time he was immune to that sight as Carlos reached for him and joined their lips together in a gentle kiss. “Want to talk about it?”
He adored that accent too, though he should probably not tell Carlos that he found the tone soothing. It wouldn’t earn him any boyfriend points. Not that he was looking to earn any more, it just... Dark eyes roved his face and then Carlos was kissing him again and Daniel was helpless to resist. “Much better,” Carlos sounded smug.
Now was the time to say something, to ignore what had just happened and say what he needed to say, but now Daniel found himself unable to say the words that had been so important to him moments ago. Carlos was so ridiculously pretty, he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away. This was only going to get awkward and he was only going to get his heart broken. He really needed to get better control over himself and stop being distracted by those perfect lips. He reached up to touch and felt a flash of need as his thumb grazed across the mouth he longed to kiss. “If you keep looking at me like that I might just have to persuade you that it’s far too hot to be out here.”
Daniel shivered at the words and Carlos nipped gently at his thumb. “Dan,” Carlos murmured.
He tried to tune out the need in those words, the hunger he knew would stir in him if he let things continue the way they were. It wasn’t a good idea to encourage those thoughts, he was in far too precarious a position as it was. He was having far too much fun and if it kept on he’d only start thinking about things he shouldn’t. “I’m so glad I met you.”
“Carlos-”
This wasn’t good, it wasn’t right, and Daniel felt the panic begin to build inside of him. Why did he have to like Carlos so much? He wasn’t ready for how much this was going to hurt when it ended. He should never have let this start, his confidence was far too shaky for this. “I love you.”
“Maybe we should go for a walk, yeah?” Daniel suggested. “It’s a nice day and there aren’t a lot of people about.”
He heard Carlos sigh resignedly as he turned to walk away but then a hand grabbed firmly at his wrist and caused him to stop. “Are you ever going to trust me, Dan? Are there more hoops I need to jump through before you’ll let me in or is it just something you’re never going to do?”
He pulled at the grip on his wrist but it merely tightened. He felt himself pale and he tugged harder hoping he would be let go. Carlos released his wrist and held his hands up in surrender. Daniel turned away and began walking back the way he came. He didn’t really want to go back to their accommodation but he felt far too exposed here.
He was sat looking out over a vast, clear blue sea when Carlos came back and sat beside him. Neither of them spoke, they just sat there together. It was entirely pleasant yet Daniel was trying to fight the impulse to flee far away along with the desire to reach out and touch Carlos in some way. “I keep on forgetting you’re not used to this,” Carlos said.
“No, it’s okay, it’s my fault-” Daniel babbled until Carlos reached out and put a finger on his lips to silence him.
“I love coming here and I wanted to share that with you, I forgot that you’re still learning to trust me and this is probably the last thing our relationship needs. I got over enthusiastic and lost my head for a moment.”
Daniel can’t imagine Carlos ever losing his head over anything, it just doesn’t seem like the other man. “I’m sorry-”
“Don’t,” Carlos said. “I’m really not in the mood to hear it.”
He’d never expected to hear such a dismissal coming from Carlos, it didn’t seem right. Daniel glanced across at the other man and was surprised to see the look of resignation. It had been so long since he’d been happy, the bone-deep kind that left him with a permanent smile and filled with excitement that was impossible to contain. It was the sort that Carlos prompted, or would be if Daniel would quit running away from it.
He wasn’t sure he had it in him not to, he’d been down this road before and it hadn’t ended well. How was he meant to trust that it wouldn’t end that badly a second time? He was only just recovering from the last time and that had taken long enough. This time would be different because this time he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Carlos was worthy of that type of trust. Daniel wasn’t sure he had that much of himself he could afford to give and risk losing again.
He wished he were somewhere different, somewhere where he could fully appreciate the kind of man Carlos was but he isn’t. He’ll get there, he can already see brief glimmers of hope on the horizon, but every time he reaches out to touch the old fear rises up and makes him stop. Trusting Carlos is a huge leap of faith and he isn’t quite sure he’s ready to make a jump quite that far yet.
Daniel felt something settle in his chest as he admitted that. He wasn’t ready yet and that was okay, except now he wasn’t sure what to do with Carlos. It would’ve made sense for him to have this revelation before he got himself entangled in this relationship. “You’ve been telling me for a while you’re not ready for this and I didn’t listen.”
“When I’m with you I’m myself and it’s been a long time since I’ve been that. I’m not sure I’m ready for it but with you it just happens if I don’t watch what I say. I’m not sure I’m ready to believe all the good things you have to say about me.”
“Daniel-”
“It’s like some sort of paradise here and being with you as well....” he let his words trail off when he couldn’t work out what it was he wanted to say.
“It’s all right to dream, Daniel,” Carlos said.
He looked out across the water and surveyed the idyllic scene before he turned his gaze back to Carlos. “I’m afraid to.”
Carlos leant forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He reached up and threaded his fingers through the shaggy hair. Why couldn’t everything be this simple? Daniel tilted his head and felt himself smile when Carlos took the hint and pressed kisses to his neck. “What is it you want?”
The question and the abrupt loss of contact made Daniel focus back on their present situation. “You,” he confessed and reached out to trail fingers lightly over Carlos’ face. “I just need you to teach me how to dream again.”
Carlos smiles and he can’t help but mirror the action. “Well that’s something I can work with.”
Daniel isn’t sure how this is going to work out with them but he does feel more hopeful than he has for a while. Carlos might not have the patience to wait for him to be ready or he might never learn to hope again, but he wants to try. Maybe for now that’s all that’s important.