It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
So, I've been listening to the Hitchhiker's Guide radio series. This would be why;
"Hate, is of course, an almost entirely terrible thing. There is not, say many people, enough love and understanding in the universe. Though the first of these may continue to be a problem, it is in the interest of increasing the general understanding that the following facts will now be revealed:
Sometimes it's much cheaper and easier to make people think that something works, rather than to actually make it work. After all, the result is, in all important aspects, the same.
The Story So Far:
In the beginning, the universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry, and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet. And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with it's identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.
The Babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the entire universe. It feeds on brainwave energy, absorbing all unconscious frequencies and then excreting, telepathically, a matrix formed from from the conscious frequencies of nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain. the practical upshot of which is, if you stick one in your ear, you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech you hear, decodes the brainwave matrix. Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes something like this:
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. Q.E.D."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Cirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as your plastic pal who's fun to be with. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the Cirius Cybernetics Corporation as a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. With a footnote to the effect that the editors would welcome applications from anyone interested in taking over the post of robotics correspondent. Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that fell through a time warp one thousand years in the future defined the marketing division of the Cirius Cybernetics Corporation as a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came.
The Universe:
Some information to help you live in it.
1. Area: Infinite
As far as anyone can make out.
2. Imports: None
It's impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from.
3. Exports: None
See imports.
4. Rainfall: None
Rain cannot fall because in an infinite space there is no up for it to fall down from.
5. Population: None
It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, but that not every one of them is inhabited. Therefor, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds. So, if every population of the earth has a population of zero, the population of the entire universe must also be zero. And any people you actually meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
6. Monetary Units: None
In fact there are three freely convertible units of currency in the universe, but the Alterian dollar has recently collapsed, the Flainian pobble bead is only exchangeable for other Flainian pobble beads, and the Triganic pew doesn't really count as money. It's exchange rate of six ningees to one pew is simple, but since a ningee is a triangular coin six-thousand eight hundred miles long each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one pew. Ningees are not negotiable currency because the galactic banks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise, it's simple to prove the the galactic banks are also the product of a deranged imagination.
7. Sex: None
Well, actually, there is an awful lot of this. Mostly because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, rainfall or anything else that might keep all the non-existant people in the universe occupied. However, it's not worth embarking on a long discussion about it now, because it really is terribly complicated."
-Douglas Adams
"Hate, is of course, an almost entirely terrible thing. There is not, say many people, enough love and understanding in the universe. Though the first of these may continue to be a problem, it is in the interest of increasing the general understanding that the following facts will now be revealed:
Sometimes it's much cheaper and easier to make people think that something works, rather than to actually make it work. After all, the result is, in all important aspects, the same.
The Story So Far:
In the beginning, the universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry, and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet. And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with it's identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.
The Babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the entire universe. It feeds on brainwave energy, absorbing all unconscious frequencies and then excreting, telepathically, a matrix formed from from the conscious frequencies of nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain. the practical upshot of which is, if you stick one in your ear, you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech you hear, decodes the brainwave matrix. Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes something like this:
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. Q.E.D."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Cirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as your plastic pal who's fun to be with. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the Cirius Cybernetics Corporation as a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. With a footnote to the effect that the editors would welcome applications from anyone interested in taking over the post of robotics correspondent. Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that fell through a time warp one thousand years in the future defined the marketing division of the Cirius Cybernetics Corporation as a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came.
The Universe:
Some information to help you live in it.
1. Area: Infinite
As far as anyone can make out.
2. Imports: None
It's impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from.
3. Exports: None
See imports.
4. Rainfall: None
Rain cannot fall because in an infinite space there is no up for it to fall down from.
5. Population: None
It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, but that not every one of them is inhabited. Therefor, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds. So, if every population of the earth has a population of zero, the population of the entire universe must also be zero. And any people you actually meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
6. Monetary Units: None
In fact there are three freely convertible units of currency in the universe, but the Alterian dollar has recently collapsed, the Flainian pobble bead is only exchangeable for other Flainian pobble beads, and the Triganic pew doesn't really count as money. It's exchange rate of six ningees to one pew is simple, but since a ningee is a triangular coin six-thousand eight hundred miles long each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one pew. Ningees are not negotiable currency because the galactic banks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise, it's simple to prove the the galactic banks are also the product of a deranged imagination.
7. Sex: None
Well, actually, there is an awful lot of this. Mostly because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, rainfall or anything else that might keep all the non-existant people in the universe occupied. However, it's not worth embarking on a long discussion about it now, because it really is terribly complicated."
-Douglas Adams