[CLOSED; COMPLETE]
TITLE: Reasons for Living
CHARACTERS: Gino Weinberg [justdecor]
LOCATION(S): Floor 5, room 5.
SUMMARY: A long-winded recount of the initial exchange between Gino and his spectre for the day. Solo log, though it may later open to others if they're interested.
RATING: PG for... possible mild language and scenarios? Not sure.
OTHER: LONG ENTRY IS LOOONNNGGG. Also for the time being I've bullshitted some small details about Gino's maid as his canon gives us nothing to go by. Deal wit' it, holmes.
Gino's heart was aching bad by the time he reached his room for the day. It was all he could do to remain upright as he threw the door open. His legs were shaking, his fingers trembling, jaw quivering. It had been quite awhile since he'd been so broken down like this. Quite awhile since his friends had started dying around him again. He'd gotten unused to it.
Lloyd's death hit him like a tidal wave, and the Knight of Three couldn't be sure if he'd cried enough in his memory or not. But he felt numb, cold, angry, indignant, morose, vengeful. Taking revenge was wrong, he knew it, but the fire in his veins screamed for him to take action against Lloyd's murderer - against this Raivis Galante. And he would. That was why he was here. Why he'd returned to his room instead of going straight to the front desk to locate the bastard. Because he needed his beloved weapon.
He approached the bed, drawing the handgun from his pocket and replacing it with his silver rapier. Even if swords were outdated, he always preferred this when fighting man-to-man. The blade that he'd stolen from his father when he ran away from home... how many years ago, now? Two. Almost three. Ah, and this rapier had served him well in many of his escapades back home and here in Toujours. And it would serve him well in wrangling vengeance-- no, in wrangling justice from the heart of his friend's killer. Yes, yes indeed.
And so, equipped and satisfied, Gino turned back toward the door to leave. As he did so, he was met by a woman in a black and white dress and a maid's cap, her hair long and clipped back, her body slight, short but wispy frame. And doe eyes. Soft brown, large, gentle. There were no eyes like them in the world to Gino aside those of...
"M...Masuyo?!"
The woman smiled, brightly and happily, her hands clasped under her chest. "Gino... you can hear me! You can see me!" A pause, and the smile softened, she almost looked tearful. "Gino..."
The sword in Gino's hand clattered to the floor. He went to her immediately, his eyes wide and watery in his shock, he was shaking all over again. "Masuyo." Standing in front of her and looking down (gosh, she must've been a foot shorter than him), he captured her clasped hands and gripped them in his own. "No way."
"Mm! You can touch, too... nobody else seemed to notice when I- ah, but never mind that. Gino..." She sounded so happy, her voice quavering, also trembling as she beamed up at Gino. And then she giggled. "You're so tall now..."
For what seemed like the hundredth time, Gino's eyes filled with tears. He wasn't sure if these were sad or what they were, but they came on fast and spilled freely before he had the slightest chance at stopping them. Before he knew what he was doing, he was collapsing to the floor, on his knees in front of her, still holding her hands, and burying his face into the front of her dress. "I don't believe it. Masuyo. Masuyo-- it's really you, you're here..."
"Yes! Oh, Gino... don't cry!" She freed one of her hands from his grip and touched his cheek, gently and motheringly brushing the tears away with her fingers. The very touch was like magic, like an instant rewind into the past to Gino. Unfortunately it only drove him to cry harder, leaning his cheek into her hand. "Gino... I'm so happy to be able to see you again. I missed you so much!"
Somehow, Gino found his voice through his sobs and tears. "I missed you too...! My God, I... I-- Masuyo." He just couldn't stop saying her name. He hadn't spoken it in years. It had been a promise to himself: he would speak it when he found her, when he was able to hold her in his arms again. Then he would say it over, and over, and over, and make her truly real again, and wear her name away until all that was left was her. "I looked everywhere for you." And he raised his head up to look up at her, drawn up into her beautiful eyes. Their fingers laced and he squeezed her dainty hands as hard as he could without hurting her.
"I heard of your exploits, Gino! I was so proud... you're the Knight of Three! You're changing the world... it's so amazing." Masuyo's eyes were tearing, too, but she sniffed and stifled them, squeezed Gino's hands in return. "I'm... so very, very proud of you."
He just shook his head. None of that even mattered anymore. His reason for it all, his driving force, his meaning to life, his whole heart was right here in front of him. Finally. "I-I'm so sorry."
"Goodness, for what? You've done so much for the world."
"Not for you... I'm so sorry about what happened with my father. I never got to tell you how sorry I was." Gino shook his head again. The memory was bitter, so very bitter. Watching her be beaten and thrown out into the cold, while he'd been restrained, unable to do anything but scream, cry, and look on in terror. "I wanted to stop them..."
This time, she shook her head. "It wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault, Gino. Just... bad timing."
"Not enough planning. I should have been more careful."
"I don't blame you. It's alright. I'm just glad that I can see you now..."
Gino nodded. Now. Right now, he finally had her, he had found her, after so long, she-- but wait. How had she suddenly shown up here, of all places, when he had spent years searching for her in vain? "How did you get here? And how'd you know that I was here?"
Masuyo visibly hesitated, bit her lower lip and debated. "I'm not sure... I just felt that you were within reach, and so I came into this plane and tried to get you to respond."
"...what?"
"...and it worked. You heard me... you saw me. And you can even touch me without... well..."
"I don't understand."
There was silence between them for a few short moments. A few golden moments that would have been better off never being broken - Gino could feel that just as Masuyo opened her mouth to respond. He dreaded whatever it was she was going to tell him.
"Well, you see..." she began unsurely, trying very hard to maintain her gaze locked on his as she'd been trained to do. It was difficult, with his eyes so wide and earnest, rimmed with tears. Just like so long ago. If she was going to say this, she had to be forthright. So she drew in a breath, held it a second, and said, "I'm a ghost, Gino."
Another moment of silence. Gino considered that maybe this was a joke, or that maybe he hadn't heard her right. But nothing stuck except disbelief and a little disdain. "What?"
This time, she didn't hesitate. Just say it, plain and simple. Don't draw it out, or you'll hurt him even more. "I'm a ghost. I died three years ago, Gino. It was a cold winter that year, and I didn't have anyplace to go--"
"What?!"
"--I caught pneumonia and couldn't find anyplace that would treat me--"
"What?!"
"--I died in the streets of Britannia after about a week of being sick."
Hysterical now, Gino tightened his hold on her hands, breathing hard, shaking, his eyes damp but the tears refused to gather and fall. They just stood there and clouded his vision, blurred her image. "What?! What are you talking about?! You couldn't have died! I searched... I was always searching--!"
"My spirit never did pass on. I wanted to see you and tell you what I needed to tell you, so I became a ghost, I guess you could say. But now that I... now that I've finally found you."
"No! I just-- you're finally here, and I-- this world that I tried to create... just for you..." He could hardly speak now for all the hyperventalating he was doing. His head spun, he swayed on his knees and his vision blurred from the outside in. The only thing that anchored him to his senses, to his conciousness, was the feel of her hands in his. "I did this all for you. All for you, Masuyo. You can't be dead, because then what would I have been fighting for? What would all that I'd done with my life be for, if not for you? If not for you..."
"...but I am, Gino," she answered softly. "I am dead."
"No!"
"But your efforts aren't in vain. Please, don't feel that they are... you were fighting not just for me, but for the rights of everyone, weren't you? So you've still achieved what you--"
"No! I don't care about anyone else!" Gino shouted over her, tossing his head to one side and biting down hard on the inside of his cheek. "When he... when he made me stop and think about what I was really fighting for, I knew that I was doing it just for you! Only for you. Nothing else mattered but protecting what was in my heart and I built my whole world around that..." His voice shrank. "Around my love for you..."
Masuyo took a small step back and knelt down in front of Gino, brought his hands to her lips and kissed the backs of his fingers one by one in a straight row. "That's not true, and I know it isn't. I know that you care about the world and everyone in it. Perhaps I was... your inspiration, but Gino, I know that... you wanted a fair world for all the Elevens."
"Don't call them Elevens!"
"...the Japanese. Look at you, Gino. You're so strong!" She smiled, sniffed again to stop herself from crying. "Look at how far you've come."
"I haven't-- gotten-- anywhere," Gino replied between sobs. "I haven't-- accomplished-- anything!"
"But you have! Maybe the world hasn't changed, but you've grown... so much... you've become such a strong man."
Gino shook his head furiously. "I'm weak. I'm a killer."
"But if that's the price to pay for change... then is it not worth it?"
"The price..." He slowed, lifted his head to look at her again. "Are you calling yourself a sacrifice?"
"What? Gino, you didn't kill me."
"But I did."
"No. It was not your fault."
"It's all my fault!"
Masuyo took her turn at shaking her head, leaned forward and brought Gino close to her, held his head against her chest and rocked him as he cleaved to her and cried. "It's not your fault. You haven't done anything, Gino. You've brought so much good into the world... for yourself, and your friends, and for me... even if I'm no longer alive, Gino, every moment of my existence, I'm thankful."
"No--"
"I'm thankful that you were able to... to love someone like me, Gino. And I'm thankful that... somehow... that love was able to teach you to be strong, and to make a difference and do what's right... that's all I could ever have asked for from you. Ever. So please..."
For this, Gino had no answer. He had no possible way to fathom what she was saying. Not like this, especially... all he could do was cry, and cry, and cry, and silently lament and sink under the weight of all the "if only"s and "what if"s that filled his head. He kept his face hidden against her so that she wouldn't have to see how pathetic he was being, crying like he was nine years old again. When she was being so wise. And so strong, like he could never be. After a good long time of only this, he managed to choke out a strained, "I love you..."
And Masuyo's grip cracked a little at this. She tried hard to withhold her tears, but the words simply made her so happy that she couldn't bare it any longer. Again she freed her hands, took Gino's face in them, and brought him up to her eye level. "I... love you too, Gino."
She leaned in, and he cowed, immediately knowing what was happening - and he was terrified. Terrified for so many reasons, and yet it was exactly what he'd been longing for for so, so long. So he responded, leaned toward her in turn, closed his eyes--
--and suddenly he was on the floor, face-down. He cringed, started in surprise, and quickly scrambled onto his feet once he got ahold of himself. "Masuyo?!"
Gone. She was simply gone. Not a single trace, not a sign at all that she had been there at all. He clenched his fists, bit his cheek and waited for the sting to make sure that he wasn't only dreaming, felt his tears run, cold on his cheeks. No. She really had been there. But now she was gone.
Now she was gone.
CHARACTERS: Gino Weinberg [justdecor]
LOCATION(S): Floor 5, room 5.
SUMMARY: A long-winded recount of the initial exchange between Gino and his spectre for the day. Solo log, though it may later open to others if they're interested.
RATING: PG for... possible mild language and scenarios? Not sure.
OTHER: LONG ENTRY IS LOOONNNGGG. Also for the time being I've bullshitted some small details about Gino's maid as his canon gives us nothing to go by. Deal wit' it, holmes.
Gino's heart was aching bad by the time he reached his room for the day. It was all he could do to remain upright as he threw the door open. His legs were shaking, his fingers trembling, jaw quivering. It had been quite awhile since he'd been so broken down like this. Quite awhile since his friends had started dying around him again. He'd gotten unused to it.
Lloyd's death hit him like a tidal wave, and the Knight of Three couldn't be sure if he'd cried enough in his memory or not. But he felt numb, cold, angry, indignant, morose, vengeful. Taking revenge was wrong, he knew it, but the fire in his veins screamed for him to take action against Lloyd's murderer - against this Raivis Galante. And he would. That was why he was here. Why he'd returned to his room instead of going straight to the front desk to locate the bastard. Because he needed his beloved weapon.
He approached the bed, drawing the handgun from his pocket and replacing it with his silver rapier. Even if swords were outdated, he always preferred this when fighting man-to-man. The blade that he'd stolen from his father when he ran away from home... how many years ago, now? Two. Almost three. Ah, and this rapier had served him well in many of his escapades back home and here in Toujours. And it would serve him well in wrangling vengeance-- no, in wrangling justice from the heart of his friend's killer. Yes, yes indeed.
And so, equipped and satisfied, Gino turned back toward the door to leave. As he did so, he was met by a woman in a black and white dress and a maid's cap, her hair long and clipped back, her body slight, short but wispy frame. And doe eyes. Soft brown, large, gentle. There were no eyes like them in the world to Gino aside those of...
"M...Masuyo?!"
The woman smiled, brightly and happily, her hands clasped under her chest. "Gino... you can hear me! You can see me!" A pause, and the smile softened, she almost looked tearful. "Gino..."
The sword in Gino's hand clattered to the floor. He went to her immediately, his eyes wide and watery in his shock, he was shaking all over again. "Masuyo." Standing in front of her and looking down (gosh, she must've been a foot shorter than him), he captured her clasped hands and gripped them in his own. "No way."
"Mm! You can touch, too... nobody else seemed to notice when I- ah, but never mind that. Gino..." She sounded so happy, her voice quavering, also trembling as she beamed up at Gino. And then she giggled. "You're so tall now..."
For what seemed like the hundredth time, Gino's eyes filled with tears. He wasn't sure if these were sad or what they were, but they came on fast and spilled freely before he had the slightest chance at stopping them. Before he knew what he was doing, he was collapsing to the floor, on his knees in front of her, still holding her hands, and burying his face into the front of her dress. "I don't believe it. Masuyo. Masuyo-- it's really you, you're here..."
"Yes! Oh, Gino... don't cry!" She freed one of her hands from his grip and touched his cheek, gently and motheringly brushing the tears away with her fingers. The very touch was like magic, like an instant rewind into the past to Gino. Unfortunately it only drove him to cry harder, leaning his cheek into her hand. "Gino... I'm so happy to be able to see you again. I missed you so much!"
Somehow, Gino found his voice through his sobs and tears. "I missed you too...! My God, I... I-- Masuyo." He just couldn't stop saying her name. He hadn't spoken it in years. It had been a promise to himself: he would speak it when he found her, when he was able to hold her in his arms again. Then he would say it over, and over, and over, and make her truly real again, and wear her name away until all that was left was her. "I looked everywhere for you." And he raised his head up to look up at her, drawn up into her beautiful eyes. Their fingers laced and he squeezed her dainty hands as hard as he could without hurting her.
"I heard of your exploits, Gino! I was so proud... you're the Knight of Three! You're changing the world... it's so amazing." Masuyo's eyes were tearing, too, but she sniffed and stifled them, squeezed Gino's hands in return. "I'm... so very, very proud of you."
He just shook his head. None of that even mattered anymore. His reason for it all, his driving force, his meaning to life, his whole heart was right here in front of him. Finally. "I-I'm so sorry."
"Goodness, for what? You've done so much for the world."
"Not for you... I'm so sorry about what happened with my father. I never got to tell you how sorry I was." Gino shook his head again. The memory was bitter, so very bitter. Watching her be beaten and thrown out into the cold, while he'd been restrained, unable to do anything but scream, cry, and look on in terror. "I wanted to stop them..."
This time, she shook her head. "It wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault, Gino. Just... bad timing."
"Not enough planning. I should have been more careful."
"I don't blame you. It's alright. I'm just glad that I can see you now..."
Gino nodded. Now. Right now, he finally had her, he had found her, after so long, she-- but wait. How had she suddenly shown up here, of all places, when he had spent years searching for her in vain? "How did you get here? And how'd you know that I was here?"
Masuyo visibly hesitated, bit her lower lip and debated. "I'm not sure... I just felt that you were within reach, and so I came into this plane and tried to get you to respond."
"...what?"
"...and it worked. You heard me... you saw me. And you can even touch me without... well..."
"I don't understand."
There was silence between them for a few short moments. A few golden moments that would have been better off never being broken - Gino could feel that just as Masuyo opened her mouth to respond. He dreaded whatever it was she was going to tell him.
"Well, you see..." she began unsurely, trying very hard to maintain her gaze locked on his as she'd been trained to do. It was difficult, with his eyes so wide and earnest, rimmed with tears. Just like so long ago. If she was going to say this, she had to be forthright. So she drew in a breath, held it a second, and said, "I'm a ghost, Gino."
Another moment of silence. Gino considered that maybe this was a joke, or that maybe he hadn't heard her right. But nothing stuck except disbelief and a little disdain. "What?"
This time, she didn't hesitate. Just say it, plain and simple. Don't draw it out, or you'll hurt him even more. "I'm a ghost. I died three years ago, Gino. It was a cold winter that year, and I didn't have anyplace to go--"
"What?!"
"--I caught pneumonia and couldn't find anyplace that would treat me--"
"What?!"
"--I died in the streets of Britannia after about a week of being sick."
Hysterical now, Gino tightened his hold on her hands, breathing hard, shaking, his eyes damp but the tears refused to gather and fall. They just stood there and clouded his vision, blurred her image. "What?! What are you talking about?! You couldn't have died! I searched... I was always searching--!"
"My spirit never did pass on. I wanted to see you and tell you what I needed to tell you, so I became a ghost, I guess you could say. But now that I... now that I've finally found you."
"No! I just-- you're finally here, and I-- this world that I tried to create... just for you..." He could hardly speak now for all the hyperventalating he was doing. His head spun, he swayed on his knees and his vision blurred from the outside in. The only thing that anchored him to his senses, to his conciousness, was the feel of her hands in his. "I did this all for you. All for you, Masuyo. You can't be dead, because then what would I have been fighting for? What would all that I'd done with my life be for, if not for you? If not for you..."
"...but I am, Gino," she answered softly. "I am dead."
"No!"
"But your efforts aren't in vain. Please, don't feel that they are... you were fighting not just for me, but for the rights of everyone, weren't you? So you've still achieved what you--"
"No! I don't care about anyone else!" Gino shouted over her, tossing his head to one side and biting down hard on the inside of his cheek. "When he... when he made me stop and think about what I was really fighting for, I knew that I was doing it just for you! Only for you. Nothing else mattered but protecting what was in my heart and I built my whole world around that..." His voice shrank. "Around my love for you..."
Masuyo took a small step back and knelt down in front of Gino, brought his hands to her lips and kissed the backs of his fingers one by one in a straight row. "That's not true, and I know it isn't. I know that you care about the world and everyone in it. Perhaps I was... your inspiration, but Gino, I know that... you wanted a fair world for all the Elevens."
"Don't call them Elevens!"
"...the Japanese. Look at you, Gino. You're so strong!" She smiled, sniffed again to stop herself from crying. "Look at how far you've come."
"I haven't-- gotten-- anywhere," Gino replied between sobs. "I haven't-- accomplished-- anything!"
"But you have! Maybe the world hasn't changed, but you've grown... so much... you've become such a strong man."
Gino shook his head furiously. "I'm weak. I'm a killer."
"But if that's the price to pay for change... then is it not worth it?"
"The price..." He slowed, lifted his head to look at her again. "Are you calling yourself a sacrifice?"
"What? Gino, you didn't kill me."
"But I did."
"No. It was not your fault."
"It's all my fault!"
Masuyo took her turn at shaking her head, leaned forward and brought Gino close to her, held his head against her chest and rocked him as he cleaved to her and cried. "It's not your fault. You haven't done anything, Gino. You've brought so much good into the world... for yourself, and your friends, and for me... even if I'm no longer alive, Gino, every moment of my existence, I'm thankful."
"No--"
"I'm thankful that you were able to... to love someone like me, Gino. And I'm thankful that... somehow... that love was able to teach you to be strong, and to make a difference and do what's right... that's all I could ever have asked for from you. Ever. So please..."
For this, Gino had no answer. He had no possible way to fathom what she was saying. Not like this, especially... all he could do was cry, and cry, and cry, and silently lament and sink under the weight of all the "if only"s and "what if"s that filled his head. He kept his face hidden against her so that she wouldn't have to see how pathetic he was being, crying like he was nine years old again. When she was being so wise. And so strong, like he could never be. After a good long time of only this, he managed to choke out a strained, "I love you..."
And Masuyo's grip cracked a little at this. She tried hard to withhold her tears, but the words simply made her so happy that she couldn't bare it any longer. Again she freed her hands, took Gino's face in them, and brought him up to her eye level. "I... love you too, Gino."
She leaned in, and he cowed, immediately knowing what was happening - and he was terrified. Terrified for so many reasons, and yet it was exactly what he'd been longing for for so, so long. So he responded, leaned toward her in turn, closed his eyes--
--and suddenly he was on the floor, face-down. He cringed, started in surprise, and quickly scrambled onto his feet once he got ahold of himself. "Masuyo?!"
Gone. She was simply gone. Not a single trace, not a sign at all that she had been there at all. He clenched his fists, bit his cheek and waited for the sting to make sure that he wasn't only dreaming, felt his tears run, cold on his cheeks. No. She really had been there. But now she was gone.
Now she was gone.