(no subject)
I really cannot wait for the next two weeks to be over...
I just came back from the senior awards ceremony, and I feel so much like a complete waste. Being surrounded by amazing people who have done more in the past four years than you have done in your life can do wonders for your self worth... really. And now I can't help but feel like a fat tub of NOTHING.
I think it was just being around all the people I went to elementary school with, and seeing how far they've come and what amazing things they've done. And I hate to compare myself to them, but I can't help it. We started in the same position and while they've climbed up the mountain, I've slowly spiraled down. I mean it's nice to be recognized for art and all, but I think my teacher just felt obligated more than anything...
It's just hard to see how much everyone has accomplished, and then I look at myself and see that I have done absolutely nothing. And the few talents I do have feel so mediocre, and not enough to really fall back on because I fucked up the last four years.
I think I realized tonight, more than ever, that from here on out I will not have an easy life. I will not go to college and graduate in four years and attain a stable, lucrative job. I won't be able to fall asleep at night knowing for sure that I will earn a degree and become successful. And that uncertainty is what kills me; knowing that I could have been there with everyone, but my life took a different turn and now I'm put on the path most likely leading to nowhere.
I know that in the long run it's up to me, and I can make anything happen if I work hard enough, but I still can't help but feel like I am now, officially, completely worthless.
Fucking high school man.. I can't wait til this shit is done with!
I just came back from the senior awards ceremony, and I feel so much like a complete waste. Being surrounded by amazing people who have done more in the past four years than you have done in your life can do wonders for your self worth... really. And now I can't help but feel like a fat tub of NOTHING.
I think it was just being around all the people I went to elementary school with, and seeing how far they've come and what amazing things they've done. And I hate to compare myself to them, but I can't help it. We started in the same position and while they've climbed up the mountain, I've slowly spiraled down. I mean it's nice to be recognized for art and all, but I think my teacher just felt obligated more than anything...
It's just hard to see how much everyone has accomplished, and then I look at myself and see that I have done absolutely nothing. And the few talents I do have feel so mediocre, and not enough to really fall back on because I fucked up the last four years.
I think I realized tonight, more than ever, that from here on out I will not have an easy life. I will not go to college and graduate in four years and attain a stable, lucrative job. I won't be able to fall asleep at night knowing for sure that I will earn a degree and become successful. And that uncertainty is what kills me; knowing that I could have been there with everyone, but my life took a different turn and now I'm put on the path most likely leading to nowhere.
I know that in the long run it's up to me, and I can make anything happen if I work hard enough, but I still can't help but feel like I am now, officially, completely worthless.
Fucking high school man.. I can't wait til this shit is done with!