(no subject)
it's 10:52p and i can't sleep. not because i'm wide awake (well, i was, but, not some much anymore). i probably should be sleeping because i haven't slept much in the last few nights, probably for the same reason i can't now.
i love him. i do. i haven't told him and have no intention of telling him for a long while because i've never actually wanted to say it before. i mean, i've said it, sure, but always back, with the "too" at the end. i was never the first to say "i love you" with any relationship and, for that matter, any conversation within those relationships.
but not telling him isn't why i can't sleep. i'm just weirded out. i'm not ready for this comfort level we've hit yet. weird isn't it? you can love someone but not be ready to be comfortable? i think comfortable takes longer than love. i think love you can just know. comfortable, well, i'm not there yet. and he's going there anyway. i let him go this far, get comfortable. but not like this.
i don't like this. i don't like it at all. it feels creepily like the last relationship, but just in this one situation...sleeping. going to bed. it wasn't like this until a few nights ago. i don't know what happened. and i don't even know quite what bothers me. and it's probably nothing, it's just a level i'm not at yet. funny he's not ready to say "i love you" but he's comfortable enough to just turn over and go to sleep. i've barely seen him today. doesn't really talk, no kiss, not even a "good night." barely moved when i got out of bed because i can't sleep.
"i need to zone out at the computer for a little while, i'm still wired"
"*mumble* k...i don't think i'll last that long."
that's it.
i know i'm being stupid and weird and paranoid. for sure. i'll be the first to admit it. but, he knows better. at least i thought he did.
*sigh*
new relationship. gotta get old sometime i guess.
i would write more, but i thought writing would help. all it's doing is making me feel like an ass. yeah, a paranoid ass who just needs some sleep.
good night.
i love him. i do. i haven't told him and have no intention of telling him for a long while because i've never actually wanted to say it before. i mean, i've said it, sure, but always back, with the "too" at the end. i was never the first to say "i love you" with any relationship and, for that matter, any conversation within those relationships.
but not telling him isn't why i can't sleep. i'm just weirded out. i'm not ready for this comfort level we've hit yet. weird isn't it? you can love someone but not be ready to be comfortable? i think comfortable takes longer than love. i think love you can just know. comfortable, well, i'm not there yet. and he's going there anyway. i let him go this far, get comfortable. but not like this.
i don't like this. i don't like it at all. it feels creepily like the last relationship, but just in this one situation...sleeping. going to bed. it wasn't like this until a few nights ago. i don't know what happened. and i don't even know quite what bothers me. and it's probably nothing, it's just a level i'm not at yet. funny he's not ready to say "i love you" but he's comfortable enough to just turn over and go to sleep. i've barely seen him today. doesn't really talk, no kiss, not even a "good night." barely moved when i got out of bed because i can't sleep.
"i need to zone out at the computer for a little while, i'm still wired"
"*mumble* k...i don't think i'll last that long."
that's it.
i know i'm being stupid and weird and paranoid. for sure. i'll be the first to admit it. but, he knows better. at least i thought he did.
*sigh*
new relationship. gotta get old sometime i guess.
i would write more, but i thought writing would help. all it's doing is making me feel like an ass. yeah, a paranoid ass who just needs some sleep.
good night.