just some thoughts i've been having
a: i feel as if life has thrown me so many curve balls that i could be the next stand in for barry bonds. i know that many of my falls have been because of my own loss of balance in my life but i always want to dance on my tip toes. when i look back on the mishaps and happy times in my life i realise that the bad still doesn't out wiegh the great. yes i've spent many days alone in my bedrooom, yes i've spent many days crying for hours because of the loss of love you felt for her, but i've done so much more. i' ve made friendships that i know could last forever, i've met people who showed me what it means to love, and i've made stories that i know i will tell my kin.
b: i'm scared of what all the chaos in my life may make me follow when i'm older. she loves to runaway. she loves to have change. she loves the unpredictablity in her life. and she loves to be a kid. whenever a problem arises, her answer is to just leave. to move. to change. because in her eyes, that will make life better. but it never does. and because she is the puppeter of my childhood life, i do the same. she can't handle me, she sends me away. she doesn't like my school, she sends me to another one. i've never had an inch of stability given to me in my life, and my biggest fear is that i'll follow what i saw, and i'll make the moves like you do with your pawns.
c: i guess i don't really love you, i just love the thought of us. you know, us. because i know at some point in our lives we'll meet up again. i'll say i missed you. you'll say you know. and things will take off. and like we said.. if we knew eachother 10 years ago, and still do, we'll know eachother 10 years to come. 10 years is a long time, but i honestly believe it. that will be the day that i become "that girl", and now i understand.
d: you really are a great person, you have the kindest heart and the deepest soul. i know we have the same bruises, and i know you think i can mend yours, and i could. but i cant, because at this point in my life i need to be on my own. i need to get better. i need to find out what i want to do with my life. and more than anything, i need to grow up. but this has nothing to do with you, its person... myself me and i.