(no subject)

[touch_of_innoc]

I keep dreaming about Michael, yet I don't want to talk about him or hear about him right now. I don't want to care!..yet I do, which sucks. why the fuck did Robby have to come!?!? he brought everything back! jdkjdk! I'm just verry annoyed with this whole "you should tell him" "no don't tell him" thing. I'm gonna end up doing whatever the fuck I want anyway! GAWD!!!! I'm just verry tired, I should stop making excuses. I'm actually really confused about everything. I want to move away, somewhere far, where no one can reach me. I want to disapear for a while. NOT GONNA HAPPEN I KNOW! which sucks. I don't want to think about this anymore, I wasn't thinking about it for a long time UNTIL he decided to jump back into my life. ugh! I should just ignore the fact that he was here. NOT SO EASY! I'm getting really annoyed with everyone who tryes to talk to me about the situation, like my mom, and MY AUNT! yeah my aunt. She came up with some bullshit about me not letting her love me enough...WHAT THE FUCK?!?! she's crazy! literally! aaaand I'm not really the kind to go to someone (family) and just tell them my "life story".(DR.)Greg is basically the only one I've trusted with everything, I just dumped all my drama on him. And it felt good to say everything out loud for once. It's always different saying it rather then typeing it or whatever. I'm just so confused about this whole thing! ahh! Wanting things to change isn't going to make them change, unless I act on it. And theres no use to "act" on it if I DON'T KNOW HOW!!! I was doing so well with just takeing things as they came my way. THIS WASN'T SUPPOSE TO COME MY WAY! lol, I annoy my self with how inmature I can be about alot of things. UGH!!! I feel so unprepared for so many things, and that kiiinda scares me, I feel like "how the hell am I gonna teach my kid to be a good person when I don't even know what the hell I'm doing?!" ok I'm gonna stop. My head hurts. Thinking too much dose that to me...all I'm really thinking about is how much I want this kid out! I want to hug him and see who he looks like! lol. The whole Idea of not getting kicked in the ribs is good too.
I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! literally!