Lah WHo Suh HEr!
Well for some reason I have been a heinous bitch to the ones that I love and I really dont know why. I think that I probably really need a psych evaluation so that I can get some happy pills and contain my contentment. I am kind of upset at the way things are going right now, feel like my feet are cemented and that I cant go anywhere, that I cant get away. It's bothering me and still I feel that there is not much that I can really do about it.
I have all these negative feelings that I think but I know in my heart that everything is bullshit, and things are okay. I have just been EXTREMELY irritable this whole week and its killing everything. I just want to be left alone by everyone and cared for and loved and held, in the next breath. I cry at the drop of a hat anymore, (sometimes more then my usuall one day a week bawl fest) I tell you all that I have not been right since the first of this year. Before 2004 i was a goof and I was always happy and smiling, now, I feel like I am always gnarling my teeth at everyone. Its not anyones fault, its just my own. I'm not unhappy with any"one" just certain aspects of issues, i'm unhappy with my self that I care about stupid things.
Is there something wrong with you when you spill milk on the bed and then have a breakdown because instead of just thinking that "its just milk on the bed" my minds tangles around the fact that Im now going to have to wash it, its going to smell, it costs 7$ to was at a laundry mat because its a huge ass king size comforter, (placed on a twin sized bed mind you), and that then i will have to spend over an hour at the laundry mat waiting for the thing to wash and to dry and then take it back home and hope that I dont do the same damn thing over again because i just dont think that i can take it........Whhoooooo........
All I want right now is to go off in a little corner all by myself, get all the tears out of my eyes and try to come back to life and be happy again. I wish that I could make everyone in my family proud of me, i wish that i was in the loop. "I" "I" "I" am supoosed to be the one to call to say hi, and to see how everyones doing, why is it always me? Lay the guilt trip on thick.
Oh and I am always so tired, every night this week i have gone home and went to bed, sleep wake up sleep wake up eat sleep wake up, oh look someones messing with me, losing it.......
well i am almost done working, now i get to go "home". Think that I am going to gmas tonight, to hang out. more later.
ashwee
I have all these negative feelings that I think but I know in my heart that everything is bullshit, and things are okay. I have just been EXTREMELY irritable this whole week and its killing everything. I just want to be left alone by everyone and cared for and loved and held, in the next breath. I cry at the drop of a hat anymore, (sometimes more then my usuall one day a week bawl fest) I tell you all that I have not been right since the first of this year. Before 2004 i was a goof and I was always happy and smiling, now, I feel like I am always gnarling my teeth at everyone. Its not anyones fault, its just my own. I'm not unhappy with any"one" just certain aspects of issues, i'm unhappy with my self that I care about stupid things.
Is there something wrong with you when you spill milk on the bed and then have a breakdown because instead of just thinking that "its just milk on the bed" my minds tangles around the fact that Im now going to have to wash it, its going to smell, it costs 7$ to was at a laundry mat because its a huge ass king size comforter, (placed on a twin sized bed mind you), and that then i will have to spend over an hour at the laundry mat waiting for the thing to wash and to dry and then take it back home and hope that I dont do the same damn thing over again because i just dont think that i can take it........Whhoooooo........
All I want right now is to go off in a little corner all by myself, get all the tears out of my eyes and try to come back to life and be happy again. I wish that I could make everyone in my family proud of me, i wish that i was in the loop. "I" "I" "I" am supoosed to be the one to call to say hi, and to see how everyones doing, why is it always me? Lay the guilt trip on thick.
Oh and I am always so tired, every night this week i have gone home and went to bed, sleep wake up sleep wake up eat sleep wake up, oh look someones messing with me, losing it.......
well i am almost done working, now i get to go "home". Think that I am going to gmas tonight, to hang out. more later.
ashwee