(no subject)
wow im sooo tired... not just physically tired, but mentally...
like there has been so much crap going on and just constant confusion this past month or so... its ridiculous...
why cant anything ever just fall into place and work? it seems to do that for other people, but for me i have to be faced with all these hard choices and decisions constantly.. it makes me crazy!!!
i'm about to drive to fayetteville to work until friday night wheni come back... that is just tiring, i do love my job htere though and i am def. staying put there, but its getting to me, all this driving... but besides that job... i have to decide whether or not to go and work for sami again, it would only be one day aweek and she's being really sketchy about it and i just dont know if i want to put myself in that whole situation again... so i need to decide that by this weekend, then one of the mom's from the studio and me are supposed to meet next week to kinda discuss ideas of possibly going into partnership together and working on opening up a new studio.. just an idea now, but we're gonna meet about it.... and then i dont know whats going on with me working with jackie... and then my dad said that if i moved to kentucky he'd open up a studio for me and manage it and help me out, so i have like a million options and have absoloutely no clue whatsoever what i should do... i mean how do u figure out waht is the best thing to do???/ i am just confused as usual... seems i always get back to confusion... things start to fall into place and then other shit happens, and it starts all over again.... urghhhh
so then there is trey.... this weekend we figured it all out and were doing great again... but then come to find out he didnt remember a thing from this weekend cause as usual he was drunk, so then we got into it last night again and i kicked him out in the rain, so he goes home and then calls and wants to talk, so after i decided that i was done for good after i kicked him out, i give in and go ovr there to talk , and then we come back here and he ends up staying, but it wasnt the same at all... like i really cared about him, but basically all this fighting and not seeing eye to eye has wore me out and i honestly cant do it anymore... like i have said that a million times since ive been with trey( at least once a week.. haha) and i keep giving in and forgiving and going back and then he makes it seem like its my fault, etc... and its just this vicious cycle.... i keep thinking it will get better and it doesnt, it always goes back to the same shit... and ive reached my breaking point. he doesnt give me what i need emotionally... and i have too much other stress and shit to worry about to worry about his ass on top of it all. so he's supposed to call later and we're supposed to hang out again when i get back this weekend and drink as usual... but i honestly dont even know if im gonna answer or return his calls for alittle while, i need to breath and think and get away... that is why im going ot fayetteville a day early... bout to leave in a little bit... i need to clear my head before i have to teach tomorrow and friday... hopefully tara will give me some good advice as always! ok time to pack and go! peace....
like there has been so much crap going on and just constant confusion this past month or so... its ridiculous...
why cant anything ever just fall into place and work? it seems to do that for other people, but for me i have to be faced with all these hard choices and decisions constantly.. it makes me crazy!!!
i'm about to drive to fayetteville to work until friday night wheni come back... that is just tiring, i do love my job htere though and i am def. staying put there, but its getting to me, all this driving... but besides that job... i have to decide whether or not to go and work for sami again, it would only be one day aweek and she's being really sketchy about it and i just dont know if i want to put myself in that whole situation again... so i need to decide that by this weekend, then one of the mom's from the studio and me are supposed to meet next week to kinda discuss ideas of possibly going into partnership together and working on opening up a new studio.. just an idea now, but we're gonna meet about it.... and then i dont know whats going on with me working with jackie... and then my dad said that if i moved to kentucky he'd open up a studio for me and manage it and help me out, so i have like a million options and have absoloutely no clue whatsoever what i should do... i mean how do u figure out waht is the best thing to do???/ i am just confused as usual... seems i always get back to confusion... things start to fall into place and then other shit happens, and it starts all over again.... urghhhh
so then there is trey.... this weekend we figured it all out and were doing great again... but then come to find out he didnt remember a thing from this weekend cause as usual he was drunk, so then we got into it last night again and i kicked him out in the rain, so he goes home and then calls and wants to talk, so after i decided that i was done for good after i kicked him out, i give in and go ovr there to talk , and then we come back here and he ends up staying, but it wasnt the same at all... like i really cared about him, but basically all this fighting and not seeing eye to eye has wore me out and i honestly cant do it anymore... like i have said that a million times since ive been with trey( at least once a week.. haha) and i keep giving in and forgiving and going back and then he makes it seem like its my fault, etc... and its just this vicious cycle.... i keep thinking it will get better and it doesnt, it always goes back to the same shit... and ive reached my breaking point. he doesnt give me what i need emotionally... and i have too much other stress and shit to worry about to worry about his ass on top of it all. so he's supposed to call later and we're supposed to hang out again when i get back this weekend and drink as usual... but i honestly dont even know if im gonna answer or return his calls for alittle while, i need to breath and think and get away... that is why im going ot fayetteville a day early... bout to leave in a little bit... i need to clear my head before i have to teach tomorrow and friday... hopefully tara will give me some good advice as always! ok time to pack and go! peace....