Fandom: Firefly/Gundam Wing
Pairing: Simon Tam/Quatre Winner
Prompt: Spanking, Quatre tops
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Completely unfinished. I keep going back to edit it, and I think I just end up making it worse the more I work at it. There are a couple chunks I cut out completely toward the beginning just getting them into bed, and then at the end
(
Read more... )
Comments 9
Reply
Hm. I did do the "well, here the are now" thing, but the part about it that bothered me was, well. How would it have started? I had it with Simon thinking while he's tied up about how they had been talking over something boring on TV and then Quatre suggesting it, but when I went back to read it together with the rest it really didn't fit as well as I had thought, so I cut it out. Now I'm not sure what to put there instead ( ... )
Reply
Mm. For something like this? A coming home from dinner and it being very feverish and rushed (and probably making it easier for Quatre to make the suggestion) comes to mind. Try that, perhaps? If allusions don't work, then you can pull a lazy man and go with the "he doesn't know how it started" route. It's very easy to blur it and get right to what you want to write, and usually, no one is going to really question it.
That should work, then. Less detail will take away focus from it, but don't fall into the other trap of summing it up in two sentences because even if it's not clinical, it's just this moment of dry narrative. I think a way to help with both is to add little things Quatre could do during the lubing, like little kisses or something else. (Though I have an image of him touching the welts the belt left, aha...)
Oh. There are a lot of moments that there's semi-colons where commas could be, but it seems more stylistic? idk, you write so sporadically that I'm not sure if it is or not. >: And I saw a typo ( ... )
Reply
Yes. Maybe highlighting the compromise of it a little more with allusions to how imbalanced they could've gotten in terms of kinks, with Simon trying to start one of his an Quatre taking the lead because it's his turn, damnit. Possibly with something about a prior agreement that they'd do something that night when they got home but it would be whatever Quatre chooses.
...ahaha. You are a mind reader~. Though I was going to juxtapose the whole preparation/lube/whatnot with kissing and maybe biting the welts a little.
You know, I probably did do it to be stylistic but I have no idea why. I'll go ahead and find+replace them since I. Can't see the little dots on semi-colons very well. /omgbliiind >8 ffff yeah, I'll get that. I think I started writing 'cock' and then switched it after the fact.
Reply
Leave a comment