wow...
so tonite has got to be possibly the worst nite of my life!! well it started out good because i thought brent and i were working things out. We wanted to hang out and so we went to cold stone and then were gunna watch a movie back at my house. Well i screwed up big time like always but whats new!?! i really hate myself and the things i do..i feel like pulling the covers over my head, crying, and wishing everything away...but thats not possible is it? I guess theres no such thing as a "break" in a relationship..cause it just doesnt work out. i wish i could go back in time, or take back what i said, or say the things i really wanted to say. Yea well my world feels like it just tumbled down and like i have nothing left. But this is exactly how dana wants me to feel cause she wants me to say shes right and that i did make a mistake. do u ever feel like nobodys there or nobody cares or nobody understands?? well i feel like that and that i just lost the 2 most important people in my life!! what am i supposed to do now?? ive tried to make things right with dana but nothing i say seems to work, she doesnt care, she doesnt want me anymore. she gave up on me. but now without brent what do i do?. all i think about is brent and what we had...all our good times and bad but even with all the bad times we always got through them..nothing ever seperated us. i think of all the things he said that really meant something to me and if he really felt that way?? or if i was just being played? if i really like him i wouldnt have made out with another guy right?? WRONG!! i do like him i love him ive never felt like this...doing that showed me how much i like him..and noone understands..and unfortunately he doesnt either...i guess only time can work these things out. Dana will someday have to forgive me right? she can't hold a grudge forever right? guess only god knows these answers cause im havin nooooo luck answering them...i guess from now on ill just keep my mouth shut and say nothing at all cause it seems whatever i say is wrong. if anyone knows the definition of a real friend then let me know because i guess i need to know these things or else ill be missing out on a friendship that ended and thats not what i want....
....ill be fine...right??...i mean who needs friends in their life anyways right?? wrong..friends are the ones that support you through rough times and are always there for through thick and thin no matter what...a true friend goes out to eat with you after your breakup with ur boyfriend...a true friend wants to know all about your day and if your okay or not...we were "rebels" in biology cause we moved to the back of the room...a true friend puts up with your daily shit of ditching and lieing...but one day this true friend will have enough and call it quits..and u deserve it cause u left her for this guy u were so in love with...ull realize in a minute that everything she says is right and u were possibly the worst friend a friend could have..but what will you do now?? nothing...u cant do anything because everthing you do is dumb and worthless....u dont want pity u want ur best friend back...what will it take? anything...ull have to do anything to get her back...and THATS WHAT ILL HAVE TO DO THEN....
..i love brent i will and always will...no matter what anyone says whether im stupid for likeing him and not moving on..maybe i should move on...but its not that easy when ur so in love with him and everything about him....i <3 him...
basically im sorry for every action and every word i dont kno what else to say...
kisses <3
....ill be fine...right??...i mean who needs friends in their life anyways right?? wrong..friends are the ones that support you through rough times and are always there for through thick and thin no matter what...a true friend goes out to eat with you after your breakup with ur boyfriend...a true friend wants to know all about your day and if your okay or not...we were "rebels" in biology cause we moved to the back of the room...a true friend puts up with your daily shit of ditching and lieing...but one day this true friend will have enough and call it quits..and u deserve it cause u left her for this guy u were so in love with...ull realize in a minute that everything she says is right and u were possibly the worst friend a friend could have..but what will you do now?? nothing...u cant do anything because everthing you do is dumb and worthless....u dont want pity u want ur best friend back...what will it take? anything...ull have to do anything to get her back...and THATS WHAT ILL HAVE TO DO THEN....
..i love brent i will and always will...no matter what anyone says whether im stupid for likeing him and not moving on..maybe i should move on...but its not that easy when ur so in love with him and everything about him....i <3 him...
basically im sorry for every action and every word i dont kno what else to say...
kisses <3