made sure that the needle was clean when i let myself fall asleep.......
i should be doing my hair and getting ready to go to sarahs for tequila mockingbird
but im like freaking out cuz i just realized one of my costumes is short sleeves and im out of coverup for my arms
idk i guess ill just work my arm weird =/
on another note
my mom and i have been planning all of my college visits so we had a long ass talk last night
and as much as i want to get out of here
im scared shitless
im terrified that im not going to be able to make something out of myself
that ill end up like my older brother
i love him but hes 28 and still lives at home and is an alcoholic
i had a tiny breakdown last night after that conversation
im just so stressed out lately
just school and life and the crappy home life right now
my mom keeps saying that my step father has to move out
but he wont
and theres just constant fighting all the time
and the stuff he says makes me h ate him soooo much
but then he comes to be and tells me he'll always love me and ill always be his daughter
and i just break down
and then theres my love life-or shitty chewed up and shitted out remains of it
hes so confusing.
first he told me he thought he wouldnt be a good boyfriend
then he skips out on my sweet sixteen and gets a girlfriend
then lies to me about said girlfriend
then tries to get me to hook up with him again
and is now still denying said girlfriend EVEN THOUGH HIS MYSPACE AND ALL OF HIS AWAY MESSAGES MENTION SAID GIRLFRIEND AND HOW MUCH HE "LOOOOOOOOOOVES" HER
and continues to flirt with me on a daily basis.
school
i get home and just want to slit my wrists and just let myself bleed and bleed and bleed
^cut for graphic content
im just so stressed out by all of my work and just everything
ugh
and then i tell my mom i think i want to go into therapy just for everything considering my stepfather is dying and ive got so much on my plate with school
and she just yells at me and says therapy is nonsense and for the weak and she has no clue why id choose such a profession and ill never become anything if i continue on with becoming a psychologist.
gur
even though i just pretty much poured out my heart
i guarantee nobody is going to read this post
cuz thats just how my life is
oh well
but im like freaking out cuz i just realized one of my costumes is short sleeves and im out of coverup for my arms
idk i guess ill just work my arm weird =/
on another note
my mom and i have been planning all of my college visits so we had a long ass talk last night
and as much as i want to get out of here
im scared shitless
im terrified that im not going to be able to make something out of myself
that ill end up like my older brother
i love him but hes 28 and still lives at home and is an alcoholic
i had a tiny breakdown last night after that conversation
im just so stressed out lately
just school and life and the crappy home life right now
my mom keeps saying that my step father has to move out
but he wont
and theres just constant fighting all the time
and the stuff he says makes me h ate him soooo much
but then he comes to be and tells me he'll always love me and ill always be his daughter
and i just break down
and then theres my love life-or shitty chewed up and shitted out remains of it
hes so confusing.
first he told me he thought he wouldnt be a good boyfriend
then he skips out on my sweet sixteen and gets a girlfriend
then lies to me about said girlfriend
then tries to get me to hook up with him again
and is now still denying said girlfriend EVEN THOUGH HIS MYSPACE AND ALL OF HIS AWAY MESSAGES MENTION SAID GIRLFRIEND AND HOW MUCH HE "LOOOOOOOOOOVES" HER
and continues to flirt with me on a daily basis.
school
i get home and just want to slit my wrists and just let myself bleed and bleed and bleed
^cut for graphic content
im just so stressed out by all of my work and just everything
ugh
and then i tell my mom i think i want to go into therapy just for everything considering my stepfather is dying and ive got so much on my plate with school
and she just yells at me and says therapy is nonsense and for the weak and she has no clue why id choose such a profession and ill never become anything if i continue on with becoming a psychologist.
gur
even though i just pretty much poured out my heart
i guarantee nobody is going to read this post
cuz thats just how my life is
oh well