The letters
Dear Juliana,
I am writing to you as I've had these thoughts on my mind and I have been struggling to keep them bottled up. So I have just decided to come out and say it: bananas are my deepest love. But, they were never truly available, and at times I resorted to other fruit produce and negligible chocolate biscuits. The ultimate of course being Terry's Chocolate Orange. However, none of these suitably satisfy my desires for bananas. I cried.
Now I turn to you. In a bank account in Nigeria, I found several thousand million dollar notes, with which I have funded the creation of my orbital satellite, where I hope to create the ultimate banana producing farm in space. However, I have hit a snag, and require to transfer my funds via Sonic the Hedgehog to a British bank account. I found your name, address, telephone number, sex, email address, weight, bust size, education, date of birth, name of dog, previous acquaintances and a list of your favourite ice cream flavours. I believe that you are a respectable person, and with this in mind, I have decided that you are the chosen one! Of course, no deed will go unrewarded and $10 of the money I wish to exchange to your account will be left for you.
I would deeply like to speak with you more on this matter and I will be ready to reply to any queries you may have about this arrangement. You can get back to me by replying to this message at any point.
Love,
George Foreman.
Dear Tazer-bot,
I would be very much interested in purchasing your software products at
such greatly reduced prices. However, I do wish to inform you that I
have no fingers and no willy. Please send help. I may not last the
night.
Simon Cowell.
Hey Mavis,
I was wondering if you picked up the loaf from the bakers yet because the kids are getting hungry and quite unrestly. If you can, drop it off by Friday because I have no legs as you know.
Michael
We also need some hand. My god, where are my arms!?!
Michael
Only four days ago I happened to come across several thousand million dollars in a bank in Nigeria. It was just lieing there, how could I resist? I don't want to give it to you or anything, I just thought I'd email you to keep you informed on my new financial wealth. Of course, had there been any bananas on hand, I could have armed myself and lanched the spear into the roof, but alas - the roof was on fire, and I only had grapes in my pockets.
Well, pleasure knowing you and all.
Richard the Third.
I feel like I need to apologise for the way I treated you the other day. It was harsh and rash, and I'm sure you were offended. However, I deeply regret my sudden moves and I hope you can find it in your generous heart to forgive me. Oh, and by the way, I stole your chocolate. Bananas never were my thing anyway.
Reynolds.
I am writing to you as I've had these thoughts on my mind and I have been struggling to keep them bottled up. So I have just decided to come out and say it: bananas are my deepest love. But, they were never truly available, and at times I resorted to other fruit produce and negligible chocolate biscuits. The ultimate of course being Terry's Chocolate Orange. However, none of these suitably satisfy my desires for bananas. I cried.
Now I turn to you. In a bank account in Nigeria, I found several thousand million dollar notes, with which I have funded the creation of my orbital satellite, where I hope to create the ultimate banana producing farm in space. However, I have hit a snag, and require to transfer my funds via Sonic the Hedgehog to a British bank account. I found your name, address, telephone number, sex, email address, weight, bust size, education, date of birth, name of dog, previous acquaintances and a list of your favourite ice cream flavours. I believe that you are a respectable person, and with this in mind, I have decided that you are the chosen one! Of course, no deed will go unrewarded and $10 of the money I wish to exchange to your account will be left for you.
I would deeply like to speak with you more on this matter and I will be ready to reply to any queries you may have about this arrangement. You can get back to me by replying to this message at any point.
Love,
George Foreman.
Dear Tazer-bot,
I would be very much interested in purchasing your software products at
such greatly reduced prices. However, I do wish to inform you that I
have no fingers and no willy. Please send help. I may not last the
night.
Simon Cowell.
Hey Mavis,
I was wondering if you picked up the loaf from the bakers yet because the kids are getting hungry and quite unrestly. If you can, drop it off by Friday because I have no legs as you know.
Michael
We also need some hand. My god, where are my arms!?!
Michael
Only four days ago I happened to come across several thousand million dollars in a bank in Nigeria. It was just lieing there, how could I resist? I don't want to give it to you or anything, I just thought I'd email you to keep you informed on my new financial wealth. Of course, had there been any bananas on hand, I could have armed myself and lanched the spear into the roof, but alas - the roof was on fire, and I only had grapes in my pockets.
Well, pleasure knowing you and all.
Richard the Third.
I feel like I need to apologise for the way I treated you the other day. It was harsh and rash, and I'm sure you were offended. However, I deeply regret my sudden moves and I hope you can find it in your generous heart to forgive me. Oh, and by the way, I stole your chocolate. Bananas never were my thing anyway.
Reynolds.