Fic: Never Alone
Title: Never Alone
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: PG-ish
Characters: Kurt, Carole, Finn, and a mention of Burt
Warnings: talk of death, a wee bit of language, and angst.
Word count: 2174
Summary: Carole tries to do something nice for Kurt, to bad it backfires. Badly.
A/N: This is a prompt that was done for odd_one_around over at glee angst. They wanted a fic in which Carole decides to do a bit of cleaning and alters Kurt's Mother's dresser. This was my fill for that.
Once the Hudson’s had moved in, Carole decided she would help around the house. As it was, Kurt had been doing everything, and while he did a fantastic job (Hell, it was cleaner than her house!) she thought he needed time to just be a kid. The transition had been a little awkward, Kurt was use to doing things around the house and making most of the meals, and it had been a little strange trying to work everything out. It didn’t help much that Kurt and Finn seemed to be having some sort of tiff at the moment either.
When she finds the old broken dresser, she decides that while the perfume that lingers on it is lovely, it should probably go and with a little bit of work, could in theory, be good as new. She knew it was Burt’s wife’s dresser, and she thought maybe after it had been spruced up Kurt may like to have it. She had just scrubbed away what seemed like the last of it when she heard Kurt’s voice from the doorway.
“Hey Carole…what are you doing?” She turns with a smile, but it falls when she sees how horrified he looks.
“I was just…I thought I would clean up the dresser, fix it up, I thought you may want it…” She trails off, because she thinks she may have made a really a big mistake. Kurt is pale enough that she’s worried he may pass out, and she’s on her feet and moving towards him before her brain catches up with her feet.
“You washed away her perfume.” His voice is so tiny and lost that Carole briefly wishes that Burt wasn‘t out of town. She steals herself and reaches out to him, a little upset when he flinches back.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” She apologizes even if she isn’t quite so sure why he’s upset.
“That was all I had left.” His voice is still tiny and he looks so stricken that Carole is a little afraid he might have a full on panic attack. He swallows compulsively, but she can see his eyes are a little to wet and she unthinkingly pulls him against her.
“I’m sorry Kurt, I didn’t realize. I shouldn’t have.” He stiffens in her hold, before pulling back and averting his eyes before shaking his head.
“Dude, it’s just a dresser.” Finn says from behind, and it isn’t until Kurt’s back tenses up that Finn realizes he doesn’t really know what’s going on.
“Kurt,” Carole tries again, because he’s shutting down fast, and it‘s kind of scaring her. “I should have asked first, that was you’re mother’s…”
“No,” He clears his throat, but she can still hear the tears. “No, it’s good, moving on and all that right? I’m going to go now, homework and…stuff.” His voice cracks in the middle of it, and he’s gone faster than she can process, darting around Finn and down the stairs to his basement with record speed.
“Wait,” Finn says suddenly before chewing on his lower lip. “His mom’s dresser?” That was ringing some sort of bell, something he was pretty sure was important and he couldn’t quite recall what it was. It isn’t until his mother reaches for the cleaning supplies that it suddenly strikes him. “Kurt told me once that his mother’s dresser still smelled like her. Sometimes he would open the drawers and lay in front of it…I don’t know, I think its like, his coping thing, or whatever.” He blurts out.
“Oh no.” Carole thinks she might cry. Finn really takes a minute to think about that, how hard it was for him to even let Burt sit in his dad’s chair, but he had never known his dad. Kurt could remember his mother, vaguely, but he could. That must have been, like, his last link to her. Suddenly his words seemed really callous. It didn’t matter if they were arguing at the moment, that was uncalled for, even if he had completely misunderstood the situation.
“I’m going to go talk to him…you may want to call Burt.” He says and his mother looks like she’s going to protest, but instead just nods and heads towards the phone. Finn would normally knock, but he’s pretty sure Kurt wouldn’t actually let him in, so he just barges in instead. He doesn’t see Kurt at first, but he’s still and quiet and hears a retching sound coming from the bathroom. He makes a face but heads to the door anyway, because he kinda hates it that Kurt’s so upset he’s throwing up. He raps gently on the door, before pushing it open.
“Kurt,” He says feeling dismayed, Kurt’s slumped against his bathtub, looking wane and tired, but mostly he just looks sad, and it kills him to see him like that. “Dude, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just shot my mouth off. My mom didn’t mean-”
“I know she didn’t.”
“I totally get why you’re upset, but my mom feels really bad about it.” Finn says shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sure your dad will understand too.”
“I’m sure he will.” Kurt agrees, and Finn ventures a little farther into the room. Something about the flat monotone Kurt was talking to him in was seriously freaking him out.
“Are…Are you ok?” Finn knows it’s a dumb question, and Finn knows a lot about dumb questions.
“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” His words are soft, unbelievable, and made even less so by the fact that he’s crying. Finn feels horrible, and wishes he had some sort of answer for him that wouldn‘t just throw the events of the past few minutes back in his face.
“Come on; let’s get out of the bathroom ok?” And for the briefest moment, Kurt looks like he’s going to argue. Tell him no, and to get out. Instead he simply stands up, makes a half-hearted shooing motion with his hand, before flushing the toilet and rinsing out his mouth. Finn waits on Kurt’s bed until he comes back out.
“You don’t have to say anything, I’m fine.” Kurt tells him, and Finn wonders if he even realizes he’s crying.
“Kurt, seriously, even I’m not stupid enough to think you’re fine, do you even know you’re crying?” Kurt’s hand automatically comes up to swipe at the tears, but he turns away from Finn.
“I’ll get over it.”
“Kurt,” Finn starts uneasily.
“It’s ok.” Kurt cut in, but it wasn’t really ok, and tears are still wetting his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. “You’re mom tried to do something nice for me. I should be grateful for that.”
“She didn’t mean for it to upset you, like you said she was trying to do something nice, she didn’t know man.”
“I know she didn’t.” Kurt repeats, and suddenly, Finn’s annoyed. He’s trying to talk to Kurt, but all he’s doing is giving him flat monotone answers, and all he wants to do is help!
“It’s not like she actually washed your mom away, just her old perfume.” Finn wishes he could take it back the instant it left his lips. Kurt sinks down onto the seat of his vanity, back to Finn, but the bigger boy can see Kurt’s reflection, and it hurts his heart.
“I get it Finn, I’m not mad at your mom, could you please go? Like right now?”
“I didn’t mean that,” Finn starts feeling helpless. “I know it was like your coping thing and all.”
“You don’t have any idea.” Kurt’s voice is still soft, but it’s also sad and resigned.
“What?”
“I get it, really I do. I mean ten years is a long time, I’m glad my dad is dating and all, because he needs to be happy again. But, the more he’s with your mom, the less he remembers her, and I know I’m the odd piece here. I know I’m not like you or my dad, and I like you’re mom, but we don’t exactly click either, I’m the piece of the puzzle that doesn’t fit.”
“What?” Finn repeats, because holy hell, this is getting heavy and Kurt looks like he might just start sobbing instead of just crying.
“It just felt like I still had someone.” Kurt says and he’s talking to himself, Finn is pretty sure of that. “That I could open the drawers and just tell her stuff and I wouldn’t be judged for it.”
“Dude, you talk like your dad died or something, he’s still totally there. And you can totally talk to me.” The look Kurt sends him makes Finn feel incredibly guilty all of a sudden, like he intruded on something he shouldn’t be around for.
“Like I said, I don’t blame your mom. It was an honest mistake, and I’ll get over it.”
“You shouldn’t have too.”
“Such is life.” Before Finn can respond, Carole calls from the top of the stairs.
“Kurt, your dad wants to talk to you.” They meet halfway, and Finn trudges up to stand with his mother as Kurt disappears into the house.
“Burt’s upset too, but he understands.” Carole tells him. “I think he’s more concerned for Kurt than actually upset.”
“He said he doesn’t fit in.” Finn said frowning. “That when he had the dresser, it was like he had his mom, someone who wouldn’t judge him. He kept saying he doesn’t blame you though, and that it was a mistake.”
“Oh, that poor boy.” Carole groans slightly feeling even worse. The stand quietly next to each other, before Kurt comes trudging back down, pausing when he sees them blocking his path.
“I’d like to lie down for a while.” He informs them, and they wordlessly shift to the side and let him into his room, quietly traversing the stairs into the house.
“Has he been crying long?” Carole asked.
“Since I went down to talk to him, I don’t think he realizes he is.”
“Maybe I should try talking to him.” Finn shrugs helplessly and watches as his mother descends the stairs.
******************
Kurt is quite possibly the quietest crier that Carole has ever known. She wouldn’t have even known he was crying if she hadn’t seen it upstairs. Kurt’s lying on his stomach, head facing away from her when she enters. She sits gently on the edge of the bed and hesitantly puts her hand on his back, rubbing gently.
“I’m sorry.” She tells him again, and it’s painfully sincere. “I shouldn’t have touched her dresser. I had the best of intentions, but you know what they say about the best intentions, they pave the road to hell.”
“I know you didn’t mean to do it.” Kurt’s voice is muffled. “I know I’m being stupid and selfish, and I’m sorry, I just need a little bit of time to pull myself back together again.”
“You are not being stupid or selfish Kurt!” Carole scolds, feeling slightly mortified that’s what he was thinking. “It was your mother’s dresser. Something that brought you comfort. I should have asked before I touched it. I just…I thought I could clean it up, and fix it, so you could have it. I thought you’d want it, because it was your mothers, I never stopped to consider that the perfume was important.”
“I don’t think it is to anybody but me. I’m not mad at you Carole, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just…” and he hesitates before continues very softly. “I miss my mom.”
“Oh Kurt,” Carole sighs, rubbing his back soothingly.
“I know, it’s childish and kinda dumb, but that dresser, the perfume…it was like a little piece of her was still there. Like I said, it’s dumb.”
“That’s not dumb Kurt, and I’m so sorry I took that from you.”
“No, you didn’t-” Kurt starts to protest, but Carole cuts him off gently.
“Yes I did however well intentioned it may have been. I can’t fix it either, I can’t make the smell of her perfume come back, but I can fix the broken leg. I can still fix the dresser itself, if you want it. Or if you just want me to leave it alone, and never touch it again, I can do that too.” Kurt’s quiet for several long moments, and Carole begins to wonder if she said the wrong thing before he starts speaking again.
“I think I would like to have it, thank you.”
“Don’t thank me for anything.” Carole tells him, feeling guilty. “Why don’t you take a nap for a while?” She suggests, “I’ll wake you up when it’s dinner time.” Kurt just nods tiredly, and she feels his muscles relax slightly as he tries to get comfortable. She quietly makes her way up the stairs, flicking his lights out when she gets to the top.
Once Burt gets home, she’ll ask what perfume his late wife use to wear, because if she can find a bottle, she’d gladly dump the whole damn thing over the dresser if she thought it would help.
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: PG-ish
Characters: Kurt, Carole, Finn, and a mention of Burt
Warnings: talk of death, a wee bit of language, and angst.
Word count: 2174
Summary: Carole tries to do something nice for Kurt, to bad it backfires. Badly.
A/N: This is a prompt that was done for odd_one_around over at glee angst. They wanted a fic in which Carole decides to do a bit of cleaning and alters Kurt's Mother's dresser. This was my fill for that.
Once the Hudson’s had moved in, Carole decided she would help around the house. As it was, Kurt had been doing everything, and while he did a fantastic job (Hell, it was cleaner than her house!) she thought he needed time to just be a kid. The transition had been a little awkward, Kurt was use to doing things around the house and making most of the meals, and it had been a little strange trying to work everything out. It didn’t help much that Kurt and Finn seemed to be having some sort of tiff at the moment either.
When she finds the old broken dresser, she decides that while the perfume that lingers on it is lovely, it should probably go and with a little bit of work, could in theory, be good as new. She knew it was Burt’s wife’s dresser, and she thought maybe after it had been spruced up Kurt may like to have it. She had just scrubbed away what seemed like the last of it when she heard Kurt’s voice from the doorway.
“Hey Carole…what are you doing?” She turns with a smile, but it falls when she sees how horrified he looks.
“I was just…I thought I would clean up the dresser, fix it up, I thought you may want it…” She trails off, because she thinks she may have made a really a big mistake. Kurt is pale enough that she’s worried he may pass out, and she’s on her feet and moving towards him before her brain catches up with her feet.
“You washed away her perfume.” His voice is so tiny and lost that Carole briefly wishes that Burt wasn‘t out of town. She steals herself and reaches out to him, a little upset when he flinches back.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” She apologizes even if she isn’t quite so sure why he’s upset.
“That was all I had left.” His voice is still tiny and he looks so stricken that Carole is a little afraid he might have a full on panic attack. He swallows compulsively, but she can see his eyes are a little to wet and she unthinkingly pulls him against her.
“I’m sorry Kurt, I didn’t realize. I shouldn’t have.” He stiffens in her hold, before pulling back and averting his eyes before shaking his head.
“Dude, it’s just a dresser.” Finn says from behind, and it isn’t until Kurt’s back tenses up that Finn realizes he doesn’t really know what’s going on.
“Kurt,” Carole tries again, because he’s shutting down fast, and it‘s kind of scaring her. “I should have asked first, that was you’re mother’s…”
“No,” He clears his throat, but she can still hear the tears. “No, it’s good, moving on and all that right? I’m going to go now, homework and…stuff.” His voice cracks in the middle of it, and he’s gone faster than she can process, darting around Finn and down the stairs to his basement with record speed.
“Wait,” Finn says suddenly before chewing on his lower lip. “His mom’s dresser?” That was ringing some sort of bell, something he was pretty sure was important and he couldn’t quite recall what it was. It isn’t until his mother reaches for the cleaning supplies that it suddenly strikes him. “Kurt told me once that his mother’s dresser still smelled like her. Sometimes he would open the drawers and lay in front of it…I don’t know, I think its like, his coping thing, or whatever.” He blurts out.
“Oh no.” Carole thinks she might cry. Finn really takes a minute to think about that, how hard it was for him to even let Burt sit in his dad’s chair, but he had never known his dad. Kurt could remember his mother, vaguely, but he could. That must have been, like, his last link to her. Suddenly his words seemed really callous. It didn’t matter if they were arguing at the moment, that was uncalled for, even if he had completely misunderstood the situation.
“I’m going to go talk to him…you may want to call Burt.” He says and his mother looks like she’s going to protest, but instead just nods and heads towards the phone. Finn would normally knock, but he’s pretty sure Kurt wouldn’t actually let him in, so he just barges in instead. He doesn’t see Kurt at first, but he’s still and quiet and hears a retching sound coming from the bathroom. He makes a face but heads to the door anyway, because he kinda hates it that Kurt’s so upset he’s throwing up. He raps gently on the door, before pushing it open.
“Kurt,” He says feeling dismayed, Kurt’s slumped against his bathtub, looking wane and tired, but mostly he just looks sad, and it kills him to see him like that. “Dude, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just shot my mouth off. My mom didn’t mean-”
“I know she didn’t.”
“I totally get why you’re upset, but my mom feels really bad about it.” Finn says shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sure your dad will understand too.”
“I’m sure he will.” Kurt agrees, and Finn ventures a little farther into the room. Something about the flat monotone Kurt was talking to him in was seriously freaking him out.
“Are…Are you ok?” Finn knows it’s a dumb question, and Finn knows a lot about dumb questions.
“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” His words are soft, unbelievable, and made even less so by the fact that he’s crying. Finn feels horrible, and wishes he had some sort of answer for him that wouldn‘t just throw the events of the past few minutes back in his face.
“Come on; let’s get out of the bathroom ok?” And for the briefest moment, Kurt looks like he’s going to argue. Tell him no, and to get out. Instead he simply stands up, makes a half-hearted shooing motion with his hand, before flushing the toilet and rinsing out his mouth. Finn waits on Kurt’s bed until he comes back out.
“You don’t have to say anything, I’m fine.” Kurt tells him, and Finn wonders if he even realizes he’s crying.
“Kurt, seriously, even I’m not stupid enough to think you’re fine, do you even know you’re crying?” Kurt’s hand automatically comes up to swipe at the tears, but he turns away from Finn.
“I’ll get over it.”
“Kurt,” Finn starts uneasily.
“It’s ok.” Kurt cut in, but it wasn’t really ok, and tears are still wetting his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. “You’re mom tried to do something nice for me. I should be grateful for that.”
“She didn’t mean for it to upset you, like you said she was trying to do something nice, she didn’t know man.”
“I know she didn’t.” Kurt repeats, and suddenly, Finn’s annoyed. He’s trying to talk to Kurt, but all he’s doing is giving him flat monotone answers, and all he wants to do is help!
“It’s not like she actually washed your mom away, just her old perfume.” Finn wishes he could take it back the instant it left his lips. Kurt sinks down onto the seat of his vanity, back to Finn, but the bigger boy can see Kurt’s reflection, and it hurts his heart.
“I get it Finn, I’m not mad at your mom, could you please go? Like right now?”
“I didn’t mean that,” Finn starts feeling helpless. “I know it was like your coping thing and all.”
“You don’t have any idea.” Kurt’s voice is still soft, but it’s also sad and resigned.
“What?”
“I get it, really I do. I mean ten years is a long time, I’m glad my dad is dating and all, because he needs to be happy again. But, the more he’s with your mom, the less he remembers her, and I know I’m the odd piece here. I know I’m not like you or my dad, and I like you’re mom, but we don’t exactly click either, I’m the piece of the puzzle that doesn’t fit.”
“What?” Finn repeats, because holy hell, this is getting heavy and Kurt looks like he might just start sobbing instead of just crying.
“It just felt like I still had someone.” Kurt says and he’s talking to himself, Finn is pretty sure of that. “That I could open the drawers and just tell her stuff and I wouldn’t be judged for it.”
“Dude, you talk like your dad died or something, he’s still totally there. And you can totally talk to me.” The look Kurt sends him makes Finn feel incredibly guilty all of a sudden, like he intruded on something he shouldn’t be around for.
“Like I said, I don’t blame your mom. It was an honest mistake, and I’ll get over it.”
“You shouldn’t have too.”
“Such is life.” Before Finn can respond, Carole calls from the top of the stairs.
“Kurt, your dad wants to talk to you.” They meet halfway, and Finn trudges up to stand with his mother as Kurt disappears into the house.
“Burt’s upset too, but he understands.” Carole tells him. “I think he’s more concerned for Kurt than actually upset.”
“He said he doesn’t fit in.” Finn said frowning. “That when he had the dresser, it was like he had his mom, someone who wouldn’t judge him. He kept saying he doesn’t blame you though, and that it was a mistake.”
“Oh, that poor boy.” Carole groans slightly feeling even worse. The stand quietly next to each other, before Kurt comes trudging back down, pausing when he sees them blocking his path.
“I’d like to lie down for a while.” He informs them, and they wordlessly shift to the side and let him into his room, quietly traversing the stairs into the house.
“Has he been crying long?” Carole asked.
“Since I went down to talk to him, I don’t think he realizes he is.”
“Maybe I should try talking to him.” Finn shrugs helplessly and watches as his mother descends the stairs.
******************
Kurt is quite possibly the quietest crier that Carole has ever known. She wouldn’t have even known he was crying if she hadn’t seen it upstairs. Kurt’s lying on his stomach, head facing away from her when she enters. She sits gently on the edge of the bed and hesitantly puts her hand on his back, rubbing gently.
“I’m sorry.” She tells him again, and it’s painfully sincere. “I shouldn’t have touched her dresser. I had the best of intentions, but you know what they say about the best intentions, they pave the road to hell.”
“I know you didn’t mean to do it.” Kurt’s voice is muffled. “I know I’m being stupid and selfish, and I’m sorry, I just need a little bit of time to pull myself back together again.”
“You are not being stupid or selfish Kurt!” Carole scolds, feeling slightly mortified that’s what he was thinking. “It was your mother’s dresser. Something that brought you comfort. I should have asked before I touched it. I just…I thought I could clean it up, and fix it, so you could have it. I thought you’d want it, because it was your mothers, I never stopped to consider that the perfume was important.”
“I don’t think it is to anybody but me. I’m not mad at you Carole, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just…” and he hesitates before continues very softly. “I miss my mom.”
“Oh Kurt,” Carole sighs, rubbing his back soothingly.
“I know, it’s childish and kinda dumb, but that dresser, the perfume…it was like a little piece of her was still there. Like I said, it’s dumb.”
“That’s not dumb Kurt, and I’m so sorry I took that from you.”
“No, you didn’t-” Kurt starts to protest, but Carole cuts him off gently.
“Yes I did however well intentioned it may have been. I can’t fix it either, I can’t make the smell of her perfume come back, but I can fix the broken leg. I can still fix the dresser itself, if you want it. Or if you just want me to leave it alone, and never touch it again, I can do that too.” Kurt’s quiet for several long moments, and Carole begins to wonder if she said the wrong thing before he starts speaking again.
“I think I would like to have it, thank you.”
“Don’t thank me for anything.” Carole tells him, feeling guilty. “Why don’t you take a nap for a while?” She suggests, “I’ll wake you up when it’s dinner time.” Kurt just nods tiredly, and she feels his muscles relax slightly as he tries to get comfortable. She quietly makes her way up the stairs, flicking his lights out when she gets to the top.
Once Burt gets home, she’ll ask what perfume his late wife use to wear, because if she can find a bottle, she’d gladly dump the whole damn thing over the dresser if she thought it would help.