Fic: Maybe Tomorrow The Good Lord Will Take You Away
Ok, so we're about to leave for our trip, but I thought I'd leave you guys with a little parting gift, a fic! Wish us luck, and hopefully it's successful!
Title: Maybe Tomorrow The Good Lord Will Take you Away
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: R-ish
Characters: Kurt, Puck, Burt, Finn, Carole, Mr. Schue, and mentions of members of the glee club.
Warnings: Language and gore
Word count: 5384
Summary: Kurt just wants to matter too.
A/N: This is a prompt that was done for anon over at glee angst. They wanted an au ending to Laryngitis, where Burt doesn't see Kurt's performance, and goes for Hoagies with Finn. Kurt then gets into a car accident...here's my attempt at that.
Kurt finished the last note, falling into a crouch, before he takes in a deep breath, lets it out real slowly, and straightens. He’s still upset, that hadn’t helped as much as he had hoped it would, but at least he felt a little more balanced. He had already spoken to Brittany, broken off whatever weird, thing, it was that they had. She’d just hugged him and starting telling him about how much she liked chickens. That was about the extent of the good. He takes another deep breath, and it startled by a voice.
“I believe that, way more than the other song.”
“I didn’t know anyone else was in here.” Kurt says discomforted, avoiding looking at where he knows Mr. Schue must be standing.
“Did you want to talk about it?” He’s genuinely concerned for him. He isn’t sure what’s been going on, but he knows enough to know that whatever it is, it’s hurting his student. It’s been hurting him for a while, and he wishes he knew what exactly was going on, if he could stop it for him.
“No.” It’s flat, hard, and even the well-meaning teacher knows to back off.
“My door is open if you change your mind.”
“Thank you, but I’m fine.” Kurt picks up his bag and head off the stage. “I’m sorry for what happened earlier in glee.” And with that, he’s gone, not looking back. Will watches him go with concern, wishing he had been able to do something to ease Kurt’s suffering.
Kurt, for his part, feels like an idiot.
If he had known that Mr. Schue was there, he wouldn’t have just laid it all out like that. But he can’t take that back now. It’s raining, which really, is just the icing he needs on this shitcake of a day. He’s going to ruin his scarf. Of all the times to not be dressed like he raided his dad’s closet, and it’s pouring outside. He makes a mad dash to his SUV, and gets there just in time to be absolutely soaked to the bone. He sits in the car for a minute or two, before starting the engine. He doesn’t look at the school, and he briefly wonders if his dad would even notice if he didn’t come home that night.
He quickly shoves that thought out of his head, because that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone. He sighs, before flicking his headlights on and carefully pulling out into the road. He can barely see, but he’s able to keep it steady, and he thinks if he can just get home, he can lock himself away in his basement and then he can do whatever the hell he wants.
*****************
Puck was waiting under a slight overhang for it to stop pouring. So he gets a front row seat to what’s about to happen. He recognizes Kurt’s SUV as it moves carefully past him, he knows it’s his car from the amount of times he may or may not have vandalized it. He follows it’s movements for a moment, and he sees what’s going to happen, before it actually does. It’s a horrible moment of realization, knowing he couldn’t actually do anything to stop it, but he’s already running forward, not caring about the rain anymore.
The sound of metal on metal is one of the worst sounds he’s ever heard. The horrible crunching sound doesn’t make it much better. There’s shattered glass on the ground, and the owner of the car that just smashed into Kurt’s SUV is staggering out. He’s looking shaken up, but otherwise fine. At first Puck thinks that Kurt hasn’t exited his vehicle because his door is caved in. It isn’t until he gets up to the now non-existent window that he realizes how badly hurt he is.
“Shit, Hummel!” Puck swears loudly and it startles the other man into a rambling babble.
“I hydroplaned, oh my god, I can’t believe that just happened!” Puck tunes out the rest of what he’s saying, because the fact that Kurt is drenched in his own blood, yeah that’s a little more pressing at the moment. There’s a gash up by his hairline, and the left side of his face is bloody. There’s blood on his clothes, but he can’t tell if that’s just dripping from his head, or if there are other injuries, he just can’t see.
Kurt’s left side seems to be meshed in with the twisted metal of the door, and Puck realizes a little sickly, that they’re probably going to have to cut him out of the car. He turns back to the guy, who is still going on about how he can’t believe that just happened, and how it’s a miracle, he isn’t hurt. It hasn’t even occurred to him that he hit another person.
“Calm the fuck down, and be useful!” Puck ends up snapping, more viciously than he actually intended, as he slides his hand through the now glassless window to probe at Kurt’s neck, his fingers slid in blood, and he tries not to shudder. He’s praying there’s still a pulse. There is one, though it seems a little weaker than Puck thinks is normal. It’s then it dawns on the other man that someone else was involved, and he’s shaky again; on the phone, babbling now to what Puck assumes is an emergency service worker.
Kurt isn’t moving, and Puck is starting to panic, even though its pouring rain, he can’t actually get to Kurt from this position, and he isn’t sure if there’s anything he can do. He lets his hand probe a little to see if there’s any other pressing injuries, and when his hand comes away bloody when he touches Kurt’s side, he steels his nerves and cranes his neck to look.
He kind of wishes he hadn’t.
It looks like something, probably part of the car door, has actually stabbed through Kurt’s side. He quickly moves to the passenger side, wrenching open the door and sliding in. He isn’t sure why this hasn’t occurred to him earlier. Kurt stirs a little, and part of Puck feverishly hopes that Kurt will stay unconscious. He must be in agony, and consciousness would only make that worse. Of course, things never go the way Puck wants them too, and Kurt’s eyelids twitch and then flutter open, a small gasp escaping his lips. Puck’s hands reach out before Kurt can move.
“Easy, relax Hummel, there was an accident.” Kurt blinks tiredly, before rolling his head uncoordinatedly to look at Puck. If he’s surprised to see Puck there, it’s overshadowed by the fact that he can’t freaking move. He draws in a shaky breath, and Puck is just grateful he’s breathing. Which is weird, in the grand scheme of things. Sure, he hasn’t thrown Kurt in a dumpster for months, and he hasn’t slushied him in nearly as long. They’d come to a tentative truce really, but they weren’t really friends.
Puck isn’t such a bastard that he can stand such suffering though.
“Are you ok?” And Puck knows it’s a stupid question, Kurt is quite obviously not ok.
“I…I don’t think so.” Kurt admits, and that freaks Puck out even more. This was the same kid who nearly cut his finger off in biology and never made a sound, the fact that he was admitting to pain…it was freaking him out.
“The ambulance is coming!” For once Puck is grateful for the idiot who can’t shut up. And when he bends down to see inside the car, he’s babbling again, “oh god, oh god!” like that’s helping anyone right now. Puck sets him with a glare, and Kurt flinches, but the other boy can’t tell if it’s because of pain or the fact that some guy is screaming in his ear.
Kurt’s right hand, reaches out for Puck’s arm, and he grabs rather ineffectively at his wrist, it’s then Puck sees the broken fingers. He quickly moves his hand so Kurt can feel the contact.
“Hey, it’s ok…can you tell me what hurts?” Puck thinks it would be more efficient for Kurt to tell him what doesn’t hurt, and apparently so does Kurt, because he lets out this little half sob of laughter.
“Everything.” Puck can’t help but feel like shit, because he knows there’s nothing he can do for him. Kurt coughs wetly, and blood trickles out the side of his mouth.
“Don’t worry; the ambulance will be here soon.” Puck just hopes Kurt can hang on that long, because there’s so much blood, and Puck isn’t sure how much more Kurt can possibly spare. It feels like an eternity before the sirens are heard, and when Puck is gently tugged at, he glances at the concerned looking EMT, before meeting Kurt’s half-lidded gaze.
“Kurt, hang in there ok? The EMT’s need to work, but I’m gonna ride to the hospital with you.” And he’s not really giving the medics a choice in that matter. He waits off to the side, in the rain, wringing his hands slightly and feeling completely useless. It takes even longer to actually get to Kurt, because as it turns out, they do have to cut him out of the car. And when he’s finally freed and placed on the stretcher, Puck really gets a full look at him.
He’s pretty sure that sight is going to haunt him for a really long time.
*****************
The front desk of the hospital attempted to call Burt twice, each time, they left a short message, but so far, they hadn’t heard anything, and they really needed to inform his father, and get consent for any other procedures that may be required. Puck finally breaks down and uses a payphone to call someone else; someone he thinks can get into contact with Burt easier.
Carole Hudson answers the phone on the fourth ring, having to get from the other side of the house. She’s expecting it to be Finn, maybe Burt, or more likely someone trying to sell her something. So she’s surprised when she hears Puck’s voice on the line. She had never been overly fond of him, but she had known him since he was a little boy, and he sounded so freaked out, she couldn’t find it in her to hang up.
“Mrs. Hudson…I’m sorry I don’t mean to bother you, but you’re kinda seeing Kurt’s Dad now right?” and he sounds so anxious, she suddenly feels a little sick with apprehension.
“Yes, why?”
“They’ve tried calling him, but he isn’t picking up his cell phone, but they really need to talk to him.”
“Who does?” Carole asks, and her concern is palpable now.
“The hospital,” He lets out a frustrated noise. “I’m telling this all wrong. Kurt was in a car accident, it…it was pretty bad. The doctors, they just took him up to surgery, but they need to tell his-” Carole cuts him off, mind reeling.
“I’ll get his dad, are you staying there?” She asks, and she’s surprised when Puck snaps back with anger.
“Of course I am, I’m not going to leave him alone now!”
“Ok, just give me a few minutes.” She hangs up before he can reply, takes a deep breath and dials Burt’s cell phone number. He picks up on the second ring.
“Hey.” His greeting is warm, but she’s upset at this point.
“Why were you ignoring your phone?” She demands, and there’s a startled silence before she continues. “The hospital has been trying to reach you; Kurt’s been in an accident.”
“I’m on my way.” And then there’s a nothing, he‘d already hung up. She sighs before taking a moment to compose herself and grabbing her coat and an umbrella, she doesn’t know what she can possibly do, but she’s going to go down there and at least sit with Puck, because at least someone was there.
*****************
Carole makes it there before Burt does, and since she works there, it’s relatively easy to get a nurse to tell her what she knows about Kurt. The list of injuries is horrifying and she isn’t sure where to even begin. She takes the seat next to Puck, who is currently wearing a pair of medical scrubs. He catches her glance and then looks down.
“My clothes, they were all wet and bloody.”
“How is it that you were there?” Carole asks, and Puck sighs.
“I don’t know I was just waiting for it to stop raining so hard, when some idiot hydroplaned and just smashed right into him. Look Mrs. H, I may be an asshole, but even I’m not so much of a bastard I’d pretend I didn’t see that. Plus the guy who hit him was no help, whatsoever. Completely oblivious to the fact that he hit another person.”
When Burt and Finn do arrive, Carole thinks that several speed limits must have been broken, but she’s too worried about Kurt to reprimand Burt about how if he had an accident, it wouldn’t have done anyone any good. She watches as Finn just ignores Puck’s presence and turns to his mother.
“How is he?”
“Not good.” She admits, “The force of the impact crushed the door, and consequently Kurt’s left side, most of his ribs on that side are broken, and it fractured his hip. He has several other injuries as well.”
“Surgery?” Burt asks impatiently, and Carole chews her lower lip a little.
“There’s massive internal bleeding, Burt.” She tells him. “They have to stop it.” She doesn’t say why, they all know why. The color drains from Burt’s face and he falls into the nearest chair, dropping his head in his hands. He had just spoken to him this afternoon, before the storm had rolled in. He had been upset, and Burt had brushed it off. It seems like he’d being doing a lot of that lately.
“But…he’s gonna be ok, right?” Finn’s voice has an edge of desperation in it, and Carole gives a little pathetic shrug.
“We don’t know yet sweetheart. What I do know is that if Noah hadn’t been there, this could have been even worse.” And Puck shifts as attention is suddenly drawn to him. Burt just gives him this tight nod, but Finn glares, even if it is half-heartedly. He doesn’t actually say anything though, just slumps down beside his mother, and the four wait for some kind of news.
Two hours later, they get something. A harried looking nurse approaches and gives Carole’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“I take it your Kurt’s father?” She asks and Burt gives a jerky nod.
“The doctor will be out to speak with you shortly, there were a few complications.” For a second, Carole thinks Burt may pass out; his face has gone completely white. The nurse glances at them apologetically before she’s called away, and it feels like an eternity before a doctor comes out, and Burt stumbles to his feet, shaking the man’s hand when he introduces himself.
“Kurt’s pulled through his surgery, we were able to get the bleeding under control, but, there was a slight arterial bleed that we were not completely prepared for.” And at the horrified look on Finn’s face, the doctor quickly went on, in an attempt to placate. “We were able to successfully stop it. Unfortunately, we had to take out a large portion of his spleen because it was to badly damaged, and there is a risk that he still may loose one of his kidneys.” He explains gently. “When he’s a little stronger we’ll talk about what to do about his hip. His left side took the burnt of the damage; there are lots of bruises, scratches, a few fractures and breaks. The fingers on his right hand however, three of them were broken.”
“Will he be ok?” Finn asks, and his voice sounds kinda small.
“We’re doing all we can for him, and with any luck, given some time he should be fine.”
“Can I see him?” Burt asks.
“Soon, we’re settling him into a room.” He offers them all a slight smile, before moving out of sight, and further down the hall. It takes another hour before someone comes to take Burt back. Carole and Finn trail behind, but Finn immediately darts back out of the room once he sees Kurt. Who is pale and looking…well lifeless on the bed.
He doesn’t move for three days.
*****************
When Kurt finally does flicker back to awareness, it’s after his kidney has been removed and the first thing he’s aware of is that Carole is asleep against the bed, with her hands resting on his right arm. He takes a quick stock, categorizing his hurt before realizing he couldn’t really move. He was sure that was because he was covered in plaster. It takes him a few moments to realize that Carole is the only person in the room, and while he’s relived he’s not alone, he can’t help the little stab of pain in his chest that his dad isn’t there. Carole must have felt him move ever so slightly, because she’s suddenly lifting her head up, and her eyes just light up when she sees his eyes are open. She’s leaning over the bedrail and giving him the gentlest hug, she can, to convey her relief.
“Oh Kurt, I’m so glad you’re awake!” She gushes, and he can’t help but be appreciative of her. “Your dad should be back anytime now, he and Finn just went to get some lunch.” Kurt’s expression closes off a little, Carole notices, but decides not to push.
“Do you remember what happened?” And it seems to take Kurt entirely to long to figure out what happened.
“I was in a car accident wasn’t I?”
“Yes, someone hydroplaned and hit you.” She explains, and after a few moments, he speaks again.
“Puck…was he with me?” He seems to remember flashes of him; talking to him…he had gone with him to the hospital.
“He saw the accident, stayed with you until the ambulance arrived.” Carole says as she leans over to push the call button. A few moments later a nurse bustles into the room before smiling at seeing Kurt awake. She tells them she’ll get the doctor.
“While the doctor is looking you over, I can go get your dad.” Carole is telling him.
“That’s alright; I wouldn’t want to interrupt whatever he’s doing.”
There’s something about the way he says it, that makes Carole feel absolutely terrible. It isn’t sarcastic or rude, it’s just, he genuinely doesn’t want to bother him. Burt had told her a little, about how he felt he had ignored the fact that Kurt was upset because at the time, it didn’t really seem like something he wouldn’t get over. She knows he feels bad about that, but something in the way Kurt said that, made her heart sink and her chest kind of hurts. All she can think of is how badly he’s hurting, both physically and emotionally, and what a stupid streak of bad luck it is, that now of all times Burt finally conceded to get out of the room and get something to eat.
“Sweetie,” she starts, but when the doctor interrupts, she goes to make her way out of the room.
“Thanks for staying with me Carole, I appreciate it.” Kurt tells her, and the honesty in his voice breaks her heart. He was genuinely thankful he hadn’t woken up alone.
“Of course, I’ll be back as soon as the doctors done.” She sits outside of his room and sends a text to Burt, because she can’t actually bring herself to leave now. After thinking for a few moments, she also sends a text to Puck, because she thinks he might want to know. The doctor exit’s the room before Burt and Finn get there.
“I’ve explained everything that’s happened to him. He took the news surprisingly well; I don’t know how much of it he’s actually processed however.” The doctor explains. “He would like to see the boy that came in with him.”
“I’ll let him know.” Carole says, before heading back into the room. She seats herself next to him again. “How you feeling?”
“Tired.” Kurt admits attempting, and failing, to shift in bed. She can tell he’s hurting. She can see it, the lines in his face. She knows he’s medicated, but there’s just too much pain. There are too many injuries, and he would have to be knocked out again to not feel it, at least she hoped he hadn’t been in pain while he was unconscious. Instead she just smoothes out his blankets, and smiles reassuringly at him, wondering where the hell Burt was.
Burt shifts impatiently in the elevator, because he’s already feeling awful about ignoring those phone calls, and now he finds out he hadn’t even been there in the room when Kurt woke up. Three days of nothing and Kurt chooses the one time he’s not in the room to regain consciousness. Though he knows it’s not really fair to blame Kurt for that, he didn’t really have any control over the matter.
When it finally reaches the floor, he all but pushes Finn out of the elevator to get there. He startles both Kurt and Carole when he flings open the door and comes charging in. And for once, he doesn’t even bother to greet Carole, he just zones in on Kurt, and then he can’t seem to form any kind of coherent thought. He just stares and after a while, Kurt starts to squirm under his fathers look.
Finn breaks the tension, though it was most likely unintentional.
“Dude, finally! I’m gonna have to tell the others, I thought Mercedes was gonna snap my neck when I told everyone what happened!” Burt turns to look at Finn, a little incredulously, but Kurt smiles wanly.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare everyone.” And he just sounds so apologetic, and Burt thinks that’s just wrong. Kurt didn’t cause the accident; he was the victim in this. He glances at Carole, and she knows what he’s asking. She gently tugs on Finn’s arm.
“Come on kiddo, let’s go. We’ll come back later.” Finn looks like he wants to protest, but he’s lead out of the room before he’s actually given the chance too.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” Burt says as he takes Carole’s vacated chair. Kurt just gives him a glance he can’t really figure out, and gives him that same wane smile he gave Finn.
“It’s ok.” It isn’t, not really. They both know it, and Burt has to think for a few moments, because everything he wants to say sounds like an excuse, reasoning as to why he’s been hanging around someone else’s kid and not his own son. Kurt had pretty much told him that day of the accident he wasn’t happy. He hadn’t come right out and said it of course, but Burt knew his son. He knew Kurt wasn’t happy, hadn‘t been for a while.
“No, it’s not.” Burt tells him, and decides he needs a little time to work out what he needs to say, so he switches topics. “How are you feeling?”
“It hurts.” It’s honest and it kills Burt just a little to know he’s suffering and he can’t do a damn thing about it. “I’m tired.” He says suddenly, because his eyes feel really heavy and he just wants to go back to sleep. Before Burt can even tell him to rest, he’s drifted off again. Burt just sits there and waits for him to wake up again, using the time to try and come up with the right thing to say.
*****************
The next morning Puck arrives, looking a little weirded out. Somehow, while it’s less frightening than when Kurt was trapped in his car and covered in blood, this is somehow more disturbing. To see more white of bandages and casts than Kurt. The smaller boy gives him a tired, but honest smile and Puck can’t help but smile back.
“So I’m told you may have very well saved my life.” Kurt tells him as Puck settles into the chair next to his bed.
“Uh, I wouldn’t go that far. All I did was make sure you kept breathing.”
“Thank you.” Puck doesn’t really think Kurt should be thanking him for anything, he was pretty sure anyone else would have done the exact same thing. He doesn’t want to show his discomfort though, so he changes the topic.
“Are they going to let you start having more visitors soon? Cause Aretha keeps having fits.” He understood why the doctors were limiting the amount of visitors Kurt could have, he looked weak, pale, and tired. And Puck feels kinda guilty that he’s even sitting there, taking away time Kurt could be sleeping.
“Yes, well at least who I ask for, anyone from the glee club who wants to swing by can.” Kurt admits, and Puck nods. He’s fairly certain everyone from glee club will stop by at least once.
“Have you heard from the guy who hit you?” Puck asks curiously and Kurt suddenly looks really tired again.
“Once.” He doesn’t elaborate and Puck doesn’t push it, because he can already tell the meeting didn’t go well.
“Dude, where’s your dad?” Puck asks suddenly. When he had arrived, Finn’s mom had been in the hall and told him to go in. He had assumed he’d be having an awkward conversation with Kurt’s dad hovering all around. He realizes he must have said the wrong thing when Kurt’s face closes off a little.
“I don’t know, probably somewhere with Finn.” There’s no bitterness in his voice, but there’s a sadness that makes Puck’s chest ache a little bit. Contrary to what most people think, Puck is not stupid. He had pieced together what was most likely going on and he felt bad. Kurt was suffering, and wanted, hell needed his dad, and he wasn’t there.
“Well, I promised my mom I’d pick my sister up from Girl Scouts today, but do you think I could come by tomorrow?” Puck asks, and he really doesn’t want to leave, but he does have to pick his sister up.
“Of course.” Kurt assures him with a smile. Puck stands and kind of wants to squeeze Kurt’s shoulder or something, tell him to hang in there, but Kurt looks so damaged, that he’s afraid any contact might just finish him off. So instead, he just smiles, offers a wave and leaves the room. He gives a brief goodbye to Finn’s mom as she goes to take his place.
Once he’s outside in the parking lot, he runs into Finn and Burt, and suddenly, he’s irrationally angry. Because he’s thinking of Kurt so small and hurt. He can feel Finn glaring at him, but he doesn’t care, not really, because if Finn wants to hate him, then fine. Because really he doesn’t care, not at the moment. Kurt has been there to be his friend when he needed it, and he was still feeling rather protective of the smaller boy.
“Mr. Hummel,” He finally says, and Kurt’s dad looks at him like he wants to say something, thank him, but Puck continues before he’s able, he‘s to damn angry not too. “Just so you know, your kid, you know your real kid; he kinda needs you right now. Not sure if you actually care, but just so you know.” And he takes off across the parking lot before either has a chance to respond. He does feel a little guilty at the look of pain that had flickered across Burt’s face at his words though. Not that he’d ever admit it. Finn catches up with him halfway to his car, spinning him around angrily.
“What the hell, we’re going through enough without you-” But Puck cuts him off angrily, because out of everyone, he thinks Finn is the last person who should be lecturing him.
“Stop it.” Finn actually falls silent due to the sheer amount of honest anger in Puck‘s voice. “This may come as a surprise to you Finn, but not everything is about you, or what’s going on in your life. This is about Kurt, who’s in pain, and hell, kind of scared. It’s about Kurt, who just wants his dad to give a damn. Which he can’t really do, because he’s so caught up in you. So really, back the fuck off, stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about him, aren‘t you the one who keeps telling him he’s your friend? You could try acting like it for once.” Finn looks so startled and wounded he doesn’t reply, just released his hold on Puck’s shoulder and lets him leave.
*****************
Burt was bad at talking to his son. He knew it, Kurt knew it, he was pretty sure everyone knew that. He tried though, god help him he tried! He was currently sitting beside Kurt as he shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a spot that wasn’t causing him pain. The glee kids had been coming in shifts, so far today, Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Artie had already come by. Mercedes had actually gotten in the bed with his son. It would have been more amusing if she hadn’t been crying the whole time. He glanced at the clock; he had a good half hour before Puck would arrive, and Burt thinks that’s enough time for at least some of the talk that’s desperately overdue.
“Listen Kurt, we need to talk for a minute ok?”
“Ok.” Kurt agreed, still trying to find a more comfortable position, which was next to impossible given his current state.
“You’re uh, friend, Puck was it?” Kurt nods a little distractedly. “He told me some things I needed to hear as he was leaving the other day.” Now he has Kurt’s undivided attention. He looks curious and a little apprehensive. “And he was right. I’m really sorry I haven’t been there for you recently.”
“It’s fine. Like you said, we’ll hang out some other time.”
“It’s more than that though, isn’t it?” Burt says and Kurt’s quite for a few moments to long before he heaves a heavy sigh.
“Dad, I get it ok? I understand why you’re spending so much time with Finn, and why I’m not invited along on outings, I get it.”
“I’m glad one of us does.” Burt tells him and Kurt sighs before letting his eyes stray down to his bandaged fingers.
“I know my being gay is hard for you. I know it is, and you try so hard for it to be ok. It’s only natural you’d want to spend time with someone you didn’t have to try so hard with sometimes. I tried to make it easier, and we know how badly that worked out. I know it‘s stupid and selfish, because Finn needs to like you, because you are dating his mom, and it’s good for him, I think, because he never really knew his dad, but sometimes, it‘s…” and he just trails off, uncertainly.
“It’s what, come on Kurt, what is it?” Burt asks gently, he can tell Kurt’s trying not to cry.
“It’s like, you’re here, but you’re not, and I…I miss you.” Kurt flinches, because he doesn’t like feeling so exposed, even in front of his own dad. “I don’t know what Puck said to you, but really you don’t-” He’s cut off when his dad gets him in an awkward hug, it’s difficult because of the position Kurt’s in, and the fact he can’t really move to accommodate it.
“I love you.” Burt says, and really, it’s as simple, and as complicated as that. He feels Kurt take a shuddering breath before nodding slightly against his shoulder.
“I love you too.”
It’s not enough, Burt knows as much, and he strengthens his resolve to start including Kurt more, and doing things with him more often, but he knows it’s a start. He needed the reality check, no matter how painful it had been. He’d have to thank Puck for that.
He still wasn’t crazy about the idea of the bigger boy hanging around his son though.
Title: Maybe Tomorrow The Good Lord Will Take you Away
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: R-ish
Characters: Kurt, Puck, Burt, Finn, Carole, Mr. Schue, and mentions of members of the glee club.
Warnings: Language and gore
Word count: 5384
Summary: Kurt just wants to matter too.
A/N: This is a prompt that was done for anon over at glee angst. They wanted an au ending to Laryngitis, where Burt doesn't see Kurt's performance, and goes for Hoagies with Finn. Kurt then gets into a car accident...here's my attempt at that.
Kurt finished the last note, falling into a crouch, before he takes in a deep breath, lets it out real slowly, and straightens. He’s still upset, that hadn’t helped as much as he had hoped it would, but at least he felt a little more balanced. He had already spoken to Brittany, broken off whatever weird, thing, it was that they had. She’d just hugged him and starting telling him about how much she liked chickens. That was about the extent of the good. He takes another deep breath, and it startled by a voice.
“I believe that, way more than the other song.”
“I didn’t know anyone else was in here.” Kurt says discomforted, avoiding looking at where he knows Mr. Schue must be standing.
“Did you want to talk about it?” He’s genuinely concerned for him. He isn’t sure what’s been going on, but he knows enough to know that whatever it is, it’s hurting his student. It’s been hurting him for a while, and he wishes he knew what exactly was going on, if he could stop it for him.
“No.” It’s flat, hard, and even the well-meaning teacher knows to back off.
“My door is open if you change your mind.”
“Thank you, but I’m fine.” Kurt picks up his bag and head off the stage. “I’m sorry for what happened earlier in glee.” And with that, he’s gone, not looking back. Will watches him go with concern, wishing he had been able to do something to ease Kurt’s suffering.
Kurt, for his part, feels like an idiot.
If he had known that Mr. Schue was there, he wouldn’t have just laid it all out like that. But he can’t take that back now. It’s raining, which really, is just the icing he needs on this shitcake of a day. He’s going to ruin his scarf. Of all the times to not be dressed like he raided his dad’s closet, and it’s pouring outside. He makes a mad dash to his SUV, and gets there just in time to be absolutely soaked to the bone. He sits in the car for a minute or two, before starting the engine. He doesn’t look at the school, and he briefly wonders if his dad would even notice if he didn’t come home that night.
He quickly shoves that thought out of his head, because that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone. He sighs, before flicking his headlights on and carefully pulling out into the road. He can barely see, but he’s able to keep it steady, and he thinks if he can just get home, he can lock himself away in his basement and then he can do whatever the hell he wants.
*****************
Puck was waiting under a slight overhang for it to stop pouring. So he gets a front row seat to what’s about to happen. He recognizes Kurt’s SUV as it moves carefully past him, he knows it’s his car from the amount of times he may or may not have vandalized it. He follows it’s movements for a moment, and he sees what’s going to happen, before it actually does. It’s a horrible moment of realization, knowing he couldn’t actually do anything to stop it, but he’s already running forward, not caring about the rain anymore.
The sound of metal on metal is one of the worst sounds he’s ever heard. The horrible crunching sound doesn’t make it much better. There’s shattered glass on the ground, and the owner of the car that just smashed into Kurt’s SUV is staggering out. He’s looking shaken up, but otherwise fine. At first Puck thinks that Kurt hasn’t exited his vehicle because his door is caved in. It isn’t until he gets up to the now non-existent window that he realizes how badly hurt he is.
“Shit, Hummel!” Puck swears loudly and it startles the other man into a rambling babble.
“I hydroplaned, oh my god, I can’t believe that just happened!” Puck tunes out the rest of what he’s saying, because the fact that Kurt is drenched in his own blood, yeah that’s a little more pressing at the moment. There’s a gash up by his hairline, and the left side of his face is bloody. There’s blood on his clothes, but he can’t tell if that’s just dripping from his head, or if there are other injuries, he just can’t see.
Kurt’s left side seems to be meshed in with the twisted metal of the door, and Puck realizes a little sickly, that they’re probably going to have to cut him out of the car. He turns back to the guy, who is still going on about how he can’t believe that just happened, and how it’s a miracle, he isn’t hurt. It hasn’t even occurred to him that he hit another person.
“Calm the fuck down, and be useful!” Puck ends up snapping, more viciously than he actually intended, as he slides his hand through the now glassless window to probe at Kurt’s neck, his fingers slid in blood, and he tries not to shudder. He’s praying there’s still a pulse. There is one, though it seems a little weaker than Puck thinks is normal. It’s then it dawns on the other man that someone else was involved, and he’s shaky again; on the phone, babbling now to what Puck assumes is an emergency service worker.
Kurt isn’t moving, and Puck is starting to panic, even though its pouring rain, he can’t actually get to Kurt from this position, and he isn’t sure if there’s anything he can do. He lets his hand probe a little to see if there’s any other pressing injuries, and when his hand comes away bloody when he touches Kurt’s side, he steels his nerves and cranes his neck to look.
He kind of wishes he hadn’t.
It looks like something, probably part of the car door, has actually stabbed through Kurt’s side. He quickly moves to the passenger side, wrenching open the door and sliding in. He isn’t sure why this hasn’t occurred to him earlier. Kurt stirs a little, and part of Puck feverishly hopes that Kurt will stay unconscious. He must be in agony, and consciousness would only make that worse. Of course, things never go the way Puck wants them too, and Kurt’s eyelids twitch and then flutter open, a small gasp escaping his lips. Puck’s hands reach out before Kurt can move.
“Easy, relax Hummel, there was an accident.” Kurt blinks tiredly, before rolling his head uncoordinatedly to look at Puck. If he’s surprised to see Puck there, it’s overshadowed by the fact that he can’t freaking move. He draws in a shaky breath, and Puck is just grateful he’s breathing. Which is weird, in the grand scheme of things. Sure, he hasn’t thrown Kurt in a dumpster for months, and he hasn’t slushied him in nearly as long. They’d come to a tentative truce really, but they weren’t really friends.
Puck isn’t such a bastard that he can stand such suffering though.
“Are you ok?” And Puck knows it’s a stupid question, Kurt is quite obviously not ok.
“I…I don’t think so.” Kurt admits, and that freaks Puck out even more. This was the same kid who nearly cut his finger off in biology and never made a sound, the fact that he was admitting to pain…it was freaking him out.
“The ambulance is coming!” For once Puck is grateful for the idiot who can’t shut up. And when he bends down to see inside the car, he’s babbling again, “oh god, oh god!” like that’s helping anyone right now. Puck sets him with a glare, and Kurt flinches, but the other boy can’t tell if it’s because of pain or the fact that some guy is screaming in his ear.
Kurt’s right hand, reaches out for Puck’s arm, and he grabs rather ineffectively at his wrist, it’s then Puck sees the broken fingers. He quickly moves his hand so Kurt can feel the contact.
“Hey, it’s ok…can you tell me what hurts?” Puck thinks it would be more efficient for Kurt to tell him what doesn’t hurt, and apparently so does Kurt, because he lets out this little half sob of laughter.
“Everything.” Puck can’t help but feel like shit, because he knows there’s nothing he can do for him. Kurt coughs wetly, and blood trickles out the side of his mouth.
“Don’t worry; the ambulance will be here soon.” Puck just hopes Kurt can hang on that long, because there’s so much blood, and Puck isn’t sure how much more Kurt can possibly spare. It feels like an eternity before the sirens are heard, and when Puck is gently tugged at, he glances at the concerned looking EMT, before meeting Kurt’s half-lidded gaze.
“Kurt, hang in there ok? The EMT’s need to work, but I’m gonna ride to the hospital with you.” And he’s not really giving the medics a choice in that matter. He waits off to the side, in the rain, wringing his hands slightly and feeling completely useless. It takes even longer to actually get to Kurt, because as it turns out, they do have to cut him out of the car. And when he’s finally freed and placed on the stretcher, Puck really gets a full look at him.
He’s pretty sure that sight is going to haunt him for a really long time.
*****************
The front desk of the hospital attempted to call Burt twice, each time, they left a short message, but so far, they hadn’t heard anything, and they really needed to inform his father, and get consent for any other procedures that may be required. Puck finally breaks down and uses a payphone to call someone else; someone he thinks can get into contact with Burt easier.
Carole Hudson answers the phone on the fourth ring, having to get from the other side of the house. She’s expecting it to be Finn, maybe Burt, or more likely someone trying to sell her something. So she’s surprised when she hears Puck’s voice on the line. She had never been overly fond of him, but she had known him since he was a little boy, and he sounded so freaked out, she couldn’t find it in her to hang up.
“Mrs. Hudson…I’m sorry I don’t mean to bother you, but you’re kinda seeing Kurt’s Dad now right?” and he sounds so anxious, she suddenly feels a little sick with apprehension.
“Yes, why?”
“They’ve tried calling him, but he isn’t picking up his cell phone, but they really need to talk to him.”
“Who does?” Carole asks, and her concern is palpable now.
“The hospital,” He lets out a frustrated noise. “I’m telling this all wrong. Kurt was in a car accident, it…it was pretty bad. The doctors, they just took him up to surgery, but they need to tell his-” Carole cuts him off, mind reeling.
“I’ll get his dad, are you staying there?” She asks, and she’s surprised when Puck snaps back with anger.
“Of course I am, I’m not going to leave him alone now!”
“Ok, just give me a few minutes.” She hangs up before he can reply, takes a deep breath and dials Burt’s cell phone number. He picks up on the second ring.
“Hey.” His greeting is warm, but she’s upset at this point.
“Why were you ignoring your phone?” She demands, and there’s a startled silence before she continues. “The hospital has been trying to reach you; Kurt’s been in an accident.”
“I’m on my way.” And then there’s a nothing, he‘d already hung up. She sighs before taking a moment to compose herself and grabbing her coat and an umbrella, she doesn’t know what she can possibly do, but she’s going to go down there and at least sit with Puck, because at least someone was there.
*****************
Carole makes it there before Burt does, and since she works there, it’s relatively easy to get a nurse to tell her what she knows about Kurt. The list of injuries is horrifying and she isn’t sure where to even begin. She takes the seat next to Puck, who is currently wearing a pair of medical scrubs. He catches her glance and then looks down.
“My clothes, they were all wet and bloody.”
“How is it that you were there?” Carole asks, and Puck sighs.
“I don’t know I was just waiting for it to stop raining so hard, when some idiot hydroplaned and just smashed right into him. Look Mrs. H, I may be an asshole, but even I’m not so much of a bastard I’d pretend I didn’t see that. Plus the guy who hit him was no help, whatsoever. Completely oblivious to the fact that he hit another person.”
When Burt and Finn do arrive, Carole thinks that several speed limits must have been broken, but she’s too worried about Kurt to reprimand Burt about how if he had an accident, it wouldn’t have done anyone any good. She watches as Finn just ignores Puck’s presence and turns to his mother.
“How is he?”
“Not good.” She admits, “The force of the impact crushed the door, and consequently Kurt’s left side, most of his ribs on that side are broken, and it fractured his hip. He has several other injuries as well.”
“Surgery?” Burt asks impatiently, and Carole chews her lower lip a little.
“There’s massive internal bleeding, Burt.” She tells him. “They have to stop it.” She doesn’t say why, they all know why. The color drains from Burt’s face and he falls into the nearest chair, dropping his head in his hands. He had just spoken to him this afternoon, before the storm had rolled in. He had been upset, and Burt had brushed it off. It seems like he’d being doing a lot of that lately.
“But…he’s gonna be ok, right?” Finn’s voice has an edge of desperation in it, and Carole gives a little pathetic shrug.
“We don’t know yet sweetheart. What I do know is that if Noah hadn’t been there, this could have been even worse.” And Puck shifts as attention is suddenly drawn to him. Burt just gives him this tight nod, but Finn glares, even if it is half-heartedly. He doesn’t actually say anything though, just slumps down beside his mother, and the four wait for some kind of news.
Two hours later, they get something. A harried looking nurse approaches and gives Carole’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“I take it your Kurt’s father?” She asks and Burt gives a jerky nod.
“The doctor will be out to speak with you shortly, there were a few complications.” For a second, Carole thinks Burt may pass out; his face has gone completely white. The nurse glances at them apologetically before she’s called away, and it feels like an eternity before a doctor comes out, and Burt stumbles to his feet, shaking the man’s hand when he introduces himself.
“Kurt’s pulled through his surgery, we were able to get the bleeding under control, but, there was a slight arterial bleed that we were not completely prepared for.” And at the horrified look on Finn’s face, the doctor quickly went on, in an attempt to placate. “We were able to successfully stop it. Unfortunately, we had to take out a large portion of his spleen because it was to badly damaged, and there is a risk that he still may loose one of his kidneys.” He explains gently. “When he’s a little stronger we’ll talk about what to do about his hip. His left side took the burnt of the damage; there are lots of bruises, scratches, a few fractures and breaks. The fingers on his right hand however, three of them were broken.”
“Will he be ok?” Finn asks, and his voice sounds kinda small.
“We’re doing all we can for him, and with any luck, given some time he should be fine.”
“Can I see him?” Burt asks.
“Soon, we’re settling him into a room.” He offers them all a slight smile, before moving out of sight, and further down the hall. It takes another hour before someone comes to take Burt back. Carole and Finn trail behind, but Finn immediately darts back out of the room once he sees Kurt. Who is pale and looking…well lifeless on the bed.
He doesn’t move for three days.
*****************
When Kurt finally does flicker back to awareness, it’s after his kidney has been removed and the first thing he’s aware of is that Carole is asleep against the bed, with her hands resting on his right arm. He takes a quick stock, categorizing his hurt before realizing he couldn’t really move. He was sure that was because he was covered in plaster. It takes him a few moments to realize that Carole is the only person in the room, and while he’s relived he’s not alone, he can’t help the little stab of pain in his chest that his dad isn’t there. Carole must have felt him move ever so slightly, because she’s suddenly lifting her head up, and her eyes just light up when she sees his eyes are open. She’s leaning over the bedrail and giving him the gentlest hug, she can, to convey her relief.
“Oh Kurt, I’m so glad you’re awake!” She gushes, and he can’t help but be appreciative of her. “Your dad should be back anytime now, he and Finn just went to get some lunch.” Kurt’s expression closes off a little, Carole notices, but decides not to push.
“Do you remember what happened?” And it seems to take Kurt entirely to long to figure out what happened.
“I was in a car accident wasn’t I?”
“Yes, someone hydroplaned and hit you.” She explains, and after a few moments, he speaks again.
“Puck…was he with me?” He seems to remember flashes of him; talking to him…he had gone with him to the hospital.
“He saw the accident, stayed with you until the ambulance arrived.” Carole says as she leans over to push the call button. A few moments later a nurse bustles into the room before smiling at seeing Kurt awake. She tells them she’ll get the doctor.
“While the doctor is looking you over, I can go get your dad.” Carole is telling him.
“That’s alright; I wouldn’t want to interrupt whatever he’s doing.”
There’s something about the way he says it, that makes Carole feel absolutely terrible. It isn’t sarcastic or rude, it’s just, he genuinely doesn’t want to bother him. Burt had told her a little, about how he felt he had ignored the fact that Kurt was upset because at the time, it didn’t really seem like something he wouldn’t get over. She knows he feels bad about that, but something in the way Kurt said that, made her heart sink and her chest kind of hurts. All she can think of is how badly he’s hurting, both physically and emotionally, and what a stupid streak of bad luck it is, that now of all times Burt finally conceded to get out of the room and get something to eat.
“Sweetie,” she starts, but when the doctor interrupts, she goes to make her way out of the room.
“Thanks for staying with me Carole, I appreciate it.” Kurt tells her, and the honesty in his voice breaks her heart. He was genuinely thankful he hadn’t woken up alone.
“Of course, I’ll be back as soon as the doctors done.” She sits outside of his room and sends a text to Burt, because she can’t actually bring herself to leave now. After thinking for a few moments, she also sends a text to Puck, because she thinks he might want to know. The doctor exit’s the room before Burt and Finn get there.
“I’ve explained everything that’s happened to him. He took the news surprisingly well; I don’t know how much of it he’s actually processed however.” The doctor explains. “He would like to see the boy that came in with him.”
“I’ll let him know.” Carole says, before heading back into the room. She seats herself next to him again. “How you feeling?”
“Tired.” Kurt admits attempting, and failing, to shift in bed. She can tell he’s hurting. She can see it, the lines in his face. She knows he’s medicated, but there’s just too much pain. There are too many injuries, and he would have to be knocked out again to not feel it, at least she hoped he hadn’t been in pain while he was unconscious. Instead she just smoothes out his blankets, and smiles reassuringly at him, wondering where the hell Burt was.
Burt shifts impatiently in the elevator, because he’s already feeling awful about ignoring those phone calls, and now he finds out he hadn’t even been there in the room when Kurt woke up. Three days of nothing and Kurt chooses the one time he’s not in the room to regain consciousness. Though he knows it’s not really fair to blame Kurt for that, he didn’t really have any control over the matter.
When it finally reaches the floor, he all but pushes Finn out of the elevator to get there. He startles both Kurt and Carole when he flings open the door and comes charging in. And for once, he doesn’t even bother to greet Carole, he just zones in on Kurt, and then he can’t seem to form any kind of coherent thought. He just stares and after a while, Kurt starts to squirm under his fathers look.
Finn breaks the tension, though it was most likely unintentional.
“Dude, finally! I’m gonna have to tell the others, I thought Mercedes was gonna snap my neck when I told everyone what happened!” Burt turns to look at Finn, a little incredulously, but Kurt smiles wanly.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare everyone.” And he just sounds so apologetic, and Burt thinks that’s just wrong. Kurt didn’t cause the accident; he was the victim in this. He glances at Carole, and she knows what he’s asking. She gently tugs on Finn’s arm.
“Come on kiddo, let’s go. We’ll come back later.” Finn looks like he wants to protest, but he’s lead out of the room before he’s actually given the chance too.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” Burt says as he takes Carole’s vacated chair. Kurt just gives him a glance he can’t really figure out, and gives him that same wane smile he gave Finn.
“It’s ok.” It isn’t, not really. They both know it, and Burt has to think for a few moments, because everything he wants to say sounds like an excuse, reasoning as to why he’s been hanging around someone else’s kid and not his own son. Kurt had pretty much told him that day of the accident he wasn’t happy. He hadn’t come right out and said it of course, but Burt knew his son. He knew Kurt wasn’t happy, hadn‘t been for a while.
“No, it’s not.” Burt tells him, and decides he needs a little time to work out what he needs to say, so he switches topics. “How are you feeling?”
“It hurts.” It’s honest and it kills Burt just a little to know he’s suffering and he can’t do a damn thing about it. “I’m tired.” He says suddenly, because his eyes feel really heavy and he just wants to go back to sleep. Before Burt can even tell him to rest, he’s drifted off again. Burt just sits there and waits for him to wake up again, using the time to try and come up with the right thing to say.
*****************
The next morning Puck arrives, looking a little weirded out. Somehow, while it’s less frightening than when Kurt was trapped in his car and covered in blood, this is somehow more disturbing. To see more white of bandages and casts than Kurt. The smaller boy gives him a tired, but honest smile and Puck can’t help but smile back.
“So I’m told you may have very well saved my life.” Kurt tells him as Puck settles into the chair next to his bed.
“Uh, I wouldn’t go that far. All I did was make sure you kept breathing.”
“Thank you.” Puck doesn’t really think Kurt should be thanking him for anything, he was pretty sure anyone else would have done the exact same thing. He doesn’t want to show his discomfort though, so he changes the topic.
“Are they going to let you start having more visitors soon? Cause Aretha keeps having fits.” He understood why the doctors were limiting the amount of visitors Kurt could have, he looked weak, pale, and tired. And Puck feels kinda guilty that he’s even sitting there, taking away time Kurt could be sleeping.
“Yes, well at least who I ask for, anyone from the glee club who wants to swing by can.” Kurt admits, and Puck nods. He’s fairly certain everyone from glee club will stop by at least once.
“Have you heard from the guy who hit you?” Puck asks curiously and Kurt suddenly looks really tired again.
“Once.” He doesn’t elaborate and Puck doesn’t push it, because he can already tell the meeting didn’t go well.
“Dude, where’s your dad?” Puck asks suddenly. When he had arrived, Finn’s mom had been in the hall and told him to go in. He had assumed he’d be having an awkward conversation with Kurt’s dad hovering all around. He realizes he must have said the wrong thing when Kurt’s face closes off a little.
“I don’t know, probably somewhere with Finn.” There’s no bitterness in his voice, but there’s a sadness that makes Puck’s chest ache a little bit. Contrary to what most people think, Puck is not stupid. He had pieced together what was most likely going on and he felt bad. Kurt was suffering, and wanted, hell needed his dad, and he wasn’t there.
“Well, I promised my mom I’d pick my sister up from Girl Scouts today, but do you think I could come by tomorrow?” Puck asks, and he really doesn’t want to leave, but he does have to pick his sister up.
“Of course.” Kurt assures him with a smile. Puck stands and kind of wants to squeeze Kurt’s shoulder or something, tell him to hang in there, but Kurt looks so damaged, that he’s afraid any contact might just finish him off. So instead, he just smiles, offers a wave and leaves the room. He gives a brief goodbye to Finn’s mom as she goes to take his place.
Once he’s outside in the parking lot, he runs into Finn and Burt, and suddenly, he’s irrationally angry. Because he’s thinking of Kurt so small and hurt. He can feel Finn glaring at him, but he doesn’t care, not really, because if Finn wants to hate him, then fine. Because really he doesn’t care, not at the moment. Kurt has been there to be his friend when he needed it, and he was still feeling rather protective of the smaller boy.
“Mr. Hummel,” He finally says, and Kurt’s dad looks at him like he wants to say something, thank him, but Puck continues before he’s able, he‘s to damn angry not too. “Just so you know, your kid, you know your real kid; he kinda needs you right now. Not sure if you actually care, but just so you know.” And he takes off across the parking lot before either has a chance to respond. He does feel a little guilty at the look of pain that had flickered across Burt’s face at his words though. Not that he’d ever admit it. Finn catches up with him halfway to his car, spinning him around angrily.
“What the hell, we’re going through enough without you-” But Puck cuts him off angrily, because out of everyone, he thinks Finn is the last person who should be lecturing him.
“Stop it.” Finn actually falls silent due to the sheer amount of honest anger in Puck‘s voice. “This may come as a surprise to you Finn, but not everything is about you, or what’s going on in your life. This is about Kurt, who’s in pain, and hell, kind of scared. It’s about Kurt, who just wants his dad to give a damn. Which he can’t really do, because he’s so caught up in you. So really, back the fuck off, stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about him, aren‘t you the one who keeps telling him he’s your friend? You could try acting like it for once.” Finn looks so startled and wounded he doesn’t reply, just released his hold on Puck’s shoulder and lets him leave.
*****************
Burt was bad at talking to his son. He knew it, Kurt knew it, he was pretty sure everyone knew that. He tried though, god help him he tried! He was currently sitting beside Kurt as he shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a spot that wasn’t causing him pain. The glee kids had been coming in shifts, so far today, Brittany, Mercedes, Tina, and Artie had already come by. Mercedes had actually gotten in the bed with his son. It would have been more amusing if she hadn’t been crying the whole time. He glanced at the clock; he had a good half hour before Puck would arrive, and Burt thinks that’s enough time for at least some of the talk that’s desperately overdue.
“Listen Kurt, we need to talk for a minute ok?”
“Ok.” Kurt agreed, still trying to find a more comfortable position, which was next to impossible given his current state.
“You’re uh, friend, Puck was it?” Kurt nods a little distractedly. “He told me some things I needed to hear as he was leaving the other day.” Now he has Kurt’s undivided attention. He looks curious and a little apprehensive. “And he was right. I’m really sorry I haven’t been there for you recently.”
“It’s fine. Like you said, we’ll hang out some other time.”
“It’s more than that though, isn’t it?” Burt says and Kurt’s quite for a few moments to long before he heaves a heavy sigh.
“Dad, I get it ok? I understand why you’re spending so much time with Finn, and why I’m not invited along on outings, I get it.”
“I’m glad one of us does.” Burt tells him and Kurt sighs before letting his eyes stray down to his bandaged fingers.
“I know my being gay is hard for you. I know it is, and you try so hard for it to be ok. It’s only natural you’d want to spend time with someone you didn’t have to try so hard with sometimes. I tried to make it easier, and we know how badly that worked out. I know it‘s stupid and selfish, because Finn needs to like you, because you are dating his mom, and it’s good for him, I think, because he never really knew his dad, but sometimes, it‘s…” and he just trails off, uncertainly.
“It’s what, come on Kurt, what is it?” Burt asks gently, he can tell Kurt’s trying not to cry.
“It’s like, you’re here, but you’re not, and I…I miss you.” Kurt flinches, because he doesn’t like feeling so exposed, even in front of his own dad. “I don’t know what Puck said to you, but really you don’t-” He’s cut off when his dad gets him in an awkward hug, it’s difficult because of the position Kurt’s in, and the fact he can’t really move to accommodate it.
“I love you.” Burt says, and really, it’s as simple, and as complicated as that. He feels Kurt take a shuddering breath before nodding slightly against his shoulder.
“I love you too.”
It’s not enough, Burt knows as much, and he strengthens his resolve to start including Kurt more, and doing things with him more often, but he knows it’s a start. He needed the reality check, no matter how painful it had been. He’d have to thank Puck for that.
He still wasn’t crazy about the idea of the bigger boy hanging around his son though.