I survive working in photo yesterday, though only barely. The person before me screwed me royally, so I was totally stressed and couldn't get much other stuff done, but I did what I could and was told I did a hell of a good job considering the circumstances. But yes I did in fact survive.
Title: I'm Sorry isn't always enough-AKA Artie and Kurt's Version.
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: R-ish for homophobic language and bad language in general.
Warnings: Homophobic language, bad language, angst
Word count: 2655
Summary: This is I'm Sorry Isn't Always Enough, only retold to let you know what Kurt and Artie were thinking about/doing when not featured. ;)
A/N: Just a retelling of a story I once told you. Michelle wanted to see what Artie and Kurt were talking about/doing when not in the story I'm Sorry Isn't Always Enough, (Which can be found at my Journal!) and well who the hell am I to say no to that?
Artie watched as Puck and Finn argued heatedly over who wouldn’t share a room with Kurt, and couldn’t help but feel mortified. Holy Christ, Kurt was sitting right there! Speaking of Kurt, Artie glanced over and watched as Kurt slumped, eyes lowered, shame seeming to radiate off him in waves. He watches as Kurt seems to cringe and draw into himself as each hurtful word is flung around. When Puck calls him a cocksucker, Artie can’t help it, he has to do something, because Kurt looks so defeated.
“Kurt, don’t listen to them, they’re just pissy because they hate each other. Fuck them ok?” He says and the venom in his voice even startles him. “Seriously, just forget it. You’re the only half way normal person here, I’m happy you’re my roommate.” Kurt doesn’t meet his eyes and doesn’t respond.
Finn says gay in such a way that Kurt visibly flinches and his face is so red, and Artie knows it isn’t because Kurt’s embarrassed. He’s being forced to sit there and listen to people verbally trample all over him, and that’s not ok. Why hasn’t someone stopped this? He reached over and grabbed Kurt’s arm because he has to do something.
“I’m not trading, you will stay my roommate. I was never crazy about the idea of swapping.” Artie really does mean that. He was happy that Kurt would be his roommate, and he wasn’t happy when Mr. Schue brought up the idea of swapping. It isn’t until Finn calls him queer that Kurt stands knocking Artie’s hands loose and moves so quickly to the door that Artie doesn’t even have time to call out after him. It’s then he can’t help but let his temper explode.
“SHUT UP!” both Puck and Finn are surprised by the sheer volume of his voice. When they turn to look at him, Artie gears up to really let them have it. It seems to be then that then Finn notices Kurt’s not sitting in his chair anymore.
“Where did Kurt-”
“Where’s Kurt? Oh you’re worried about him now? What about a minute ago when you were so adamant about not rooming with him. Yeah remember us, we were sitting right here the whole time. He heard everything you said. Sorry Mr. Schue, but I refuse to room with either one of them.” Artie seethed, he couldn’t help it. Kurt was his friend and he had just had his feelings shit all over, and that was not ok!
“Artie,” Finn starts, “You know we didn’t-” But Artie won’t let him finish, because he doesn’t care about Finn’s attempts at placating him or trying to justify this as being alright.
“You two deserve each other. You’re scared of Kurt? Really, what do you think he’s gonna do? He has every reason to be scared of either of you; you’ve both done things to torment him in the past. You think a simple sorry is going to make up for all of that? Honestly Mr. Schuester, I don’t feel comfortable letting Kurt room with either Puck or Finn, at this point I don’t think either can be trusted not to hurt him. They can room together, or they can sleep in the halls, but I’m not trading my roommate for either of them.” Artie spoken his piece, shoots a meaningful look at Mr. Schue and then wheels himself out of the room, in search of his roommate.
He doesn’t have to go far to find Kurt, he’s sitting on the floor and that’s just wrong to begin with, but secondly his head in his hands. He hesitates for just a moment before wheeling himself over and parking next to him. They sit in silence for a while, and Artie almost wishes he could hear what was going on in the other room.
“I’m sorry.” Artie sighs after a while and Kurt shakes his head.
“No reason to be.” His voice is soft, but there’s an underlying current of hurt that cuts at Artie. He doesn’t know what to say. He hasn’t been in this position before; he’s never really been hated for something he couldn’t control. He chewed out Finn and Puck, but that doesn’t really seem like enough now.
“I would have been here sooner, but I uh, may have stayed behind to give Finn and Puck a bit of a reality check.” And Kurt meets his eyes for the first time in a long while and Artie can’t help but feel kind of bad because Kurt looks so surprised.
“What did you do Artie?” Kurt asks, but it isn’t upset or challenging, it’s genuine curiosity.
“I uh, shouted for a while, said something about not switching roommates…think I may have reminded them we were sitting like, two feet away from them…I don’t really remember it all, I was kind infuriated and all.” Artie shifts slightly and Kurt gives him this tiny little smile.
“You shouldn’t have done that Artie.”
“Of course I should have!” Artie really doesn’t mean to snap, but that’s how it comes out. “That wasn’t ok Kurt, none of that was ok!” And for the first time Artie has to wonder just what kind of shit Kurt dealt with all the time. Sure Kurt was upset, but if it had been anyone else, there would have been tears and a fuss, Kurt just took it until he couldn’t anymore and then quietly left the room.
“I know it wasn’t.” Kurt says and Artie tries to calm himself down. “I know Artie, and I do appreciate that you stood up for me, but I kind of thought that I found some place to fit in when I joined Glee.”
“You did Kurt.” Artie is quick to reassure. He does genuinely like Kurt, he sort of wishes he had gotten to know him sooner. But glee brought them together; he isn’t going to let homophobic tantrums make Kurt think everyone felt that way.
“I know that, in a way.” Kurt says with a sigh, and rubs at his forehead like he has a headache. “Really I’m just a little flustered and don’t want to be here at the moment.” It stung a little to hear him say it out loud, but Artie couldn’t blame him, he kind of didn’t want to be there either.
“If you call your dad, I’m sure he’ll come pick you up.” Artie ventured.
“I wouldn’t want him to come all the way out here. Plus he’d want to know why I wanted to leave, and I couldn’t very well tell him, or he’d probably freak out.”
“He would freak out.” Artie agrees, because he’s met Kurt’s dad a couple of times, and if he knew what had been said, especially with Kurt front row center for it, well he could only imagine how much shit would hit the fan.
“Probably make a big scene, best to avoid that.” And Kurt tries to sound like he's kidding.
“I could call my dad, he’d take us both home.” Artie suggests, because he can’t think of anything else to say. If Kurt wants to go home, Artie will go with him. Solidarity, it’s what Glee is suppose to be about.
“Just because I want to leave doesn’t mean you have too.” Kurt says before sighing and meeting Artie’s eyes again. “It doesn’t matter; I’ll just stick it out.” Artie thinks it does matter though.
“Are you going to tell the others?” Part of him wants Kurt to say yes, but he knows the answer as Kurt let’s out this little half laugh.
“No, if you freaked out like that imagine what Mercedes will do.” Artie almost smiles. He can almost see how that scene would play out, and really if Mercedes knew, Finn and Puck would lucky to be able to stand up for a few days afterwards.
“I am thinking about it, you should totally tell her. They both need to be taken down a couple of pegs.” Artie knows he sounds kind of pissed off, but he can’t help it, he really does think they need to be taken down a notch or two, and maybe take a few classes in human decency, because no one deserves to be treated the way they treated Kurt.
“Really, it’s ok Artie; I guess I just didn’t know they felt that way about me still.” Kurt sounds so resigned and Artie wants to reach out for him. Someone clears their throat before he can though and Artie’s eyes narrow as Puck and Finn come around the corner, both looking suitably shamefaced, but Artie isn’t really buying it. Kurt however barely even looks at them.
“So, um Hummel, listen…” Kurt cuts Puck off before he can finish though.
“Don’t worry about it.” Kurt says with a dismissive wave, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.
“Kurt,” Finn starts, shifting from one foot to the other, and Artie can‘t help but roll his eyes. “We didn’t mean for your feelings to get hurt.”
“Oh of course not.” Kurt replies a little bitterly, and Artie’s eyes cut to him in alarm. “I mean I shouldn’t be offended by any of that right? Not like I don’t hear it everyday anyway. You know the funny part?” Kurt asked, pushing himself up and pulling Artie out from the wall a little, taking hold of his handle bars, something Artie doesn‘t protest. “I didn’t really want to room with you either; when Mr. Schue brought it up I thought for glee club, we could make it work. Guess not.” He doesn’t give Finn or puck a chance to reply, and he starts pushing Artie down the hall.
“Kurt wait!” Kurt doesn’t stop, doesn’t even spare an extra glance over his shoulder when Finn calls out for him.
“Go on ahead, I’m gonna go talk to Mr. Schue.” Kurt tells Artie when they reach the elevators, and when he turns he finds himself just inches away from Puck. Artie’s pretty sure it’s just conditioning that makes Kurt flinch away, and not him actually thinking Puck might hurt him, but he doesn’t miss the way Puck’s face pinches slightly, upset at the reaction. Which strikes Artie as kind of odd, because really wasn’t Puck just throwing around a lot of abuse about not wanting to room with Kurt, why would he care about him flinching from him?
“Seriously Hummel, just listen for a second ok?” Puck requests and his voice is softer than Artie has heard before, and he glances at Kurt’s form, who is standing rather rigidly in front of the football players. Artie’s kind of mad, really haven’t they done enough, but Puck seems apologetic, which he isn’t sure he’ll ever see again, so he sticks around.
“You have a minute.” Kurt informs him. Artie watches as Puck fidgets and looks at Finn before he starts talking.
“Me and Finn will argue about anything now, so when I said I was going to room with Artie, he had to argue it, and vice versa.” Kurt doesn’t look impressed and really Artie isn’t either, this isn’t much of an apology.
“He’s right.” Finn says after a moment. “I think we just got caught up in the moment and both said things we shouldn’t have…I didn’t mean it though. I just didn’t want to room with Puck, and I think…I think I might have wanted to put him with you because I thought it might make him uncomfortable, and that wasn’t fair to you…I’m really sorry Kurt.” That didn’t seem to placate Kurt either, because knowing he was going to make someone uncomfortable was pretty awful.
Kurt crosses his arms across his chest, and Artie frowns, because he knows this posture, it’s a defensive one, Kurt deploys it during a lot of his run ins with the jocks, and while he hadn’t seen it for a while, he’s a little upset it’s making a comeback now, though he can’t blame him. He’s kind of defensive too.
“Uh huh.” Kurt says his tone decidedly cold. Artie knows the elevator has been sitting there waiting for him for a few moments now, but he can’t seem to get on it. Part of him thinks it’s because he doesn’t think he can trust the other two to leave Kurt alone if he goes, that they might try to bully him into submission. The other part just wants Kurt to stand up for himself, and he wants to be there to see it.
“It really wasn’t about you.” Puck finally says after a few moments of heavy silence. “It wasn’t fair to use you as an arguing point. I should have just said fine when Finn said he’d room with Artie, because well hell Kurt you’re one of the only people who hasn’t treated me like a leper since all this started.” Which isn’t exactly fair, because Artie hasn’t been particularly cruel to Puck either, but again, he didn’t talk to Puck much, or like, ever really.
“Well I guess that‘s good to know, but it’s to late for that now.” Kurt says, turning back towards Artie, who’s trying to pretend he’s not rather pleased with that answer. “Not sure what you two will end up doing, because you’re stuck together now. I’ll go home before I’d room with one of you.”
“Kurt,” Finn says, but Kurt’s patience with them has worn to thin for any more conversation.
“I can talk to Mr. Schue in the morning, I think I’m just going to go to bed, did you want me to drop you off somewhere first?” Kurt asks, pointedly ignoring the two jocks who Artie can’t help but think look entirely to surprised that Kurt just didn’t accept the apology and agree to room with one of them. He on the other hand is thrilled.
“Nah, let’s get something to eat and watch bad movies.” Artie suggests, and the elevator doors open and the two quickly get in. It’s quiet for a few moments as the elevator begins to move before Artie speaks again, a hint of pride in his voice. “I’m proud of you for that.”
“What?” Kurt asks and he looks at him in surprise.
“For standing up to them.” Artie replies and Kurt smiles a bit more genuinely.
“Well, I certainly wasn’t going to room with them. A simple apology isn’t going to just make things all great or anything.” Kurt didn’t say it, but his feelings were throbbing a bit. He wasn’t sure what they had wanted from him, the apologies sounded earnest enough, but he had been badly hurt to find out they still harbored feelings like that about him. It might take him a bit to get over it.
“No, but still, it took a lot to stand up to them like that.”
“It’s not a big deal.” Kurt says, shrugging slightly. “So what did you want to eat?”
“We could order a pizza.” Artie suggested which was something he had always loved to do in a hotel. He wasn’t sure why.
“Ok, sounds good to me.” The elevator dinged on their floor, and Kurt pushed him to their room. Once inside, Kurt went to change, while Artie ordered the pizza and settled on the Sci Fi channel, which was hosting a whole marathon of terrible movies.
The two made a night out of it, eating pizza and laughing at the horrible quality of the movies, all in all it was one of the best nights Artie had in a while. He really was glad that he had gotten Kurt as a roommate.
“We’ll have to do this again sometime.” Artie suggested and when Kurt nodded Artie thought maybe he could make this a routine for when they went on trips that required a hotel stay, Kurt was his roommate after all, and no matter what Puck and Finn tried to finagle, if Artie had his way, Kurt was going to stay his roommate.