Naked and alone
I dropped my sweetie off at the bus station earlier tonight. A whole week and a half without my partner in crime... what am I going to do? Socialize with other people???
Hmm. I think I might go to Odd Friday tomorrow night (it is tomorrow night, right? third friday??). Not sure why I was just struck with that urge, but I was, and i might just follow up on it.
I have to be up in five hours. not tired. Luckily, sonata will cure this. Short acting! Huzzah!
Tomorrow will be a grand, grand day of making the monies and bringing in the bitches. Then I will go make key copies at some point and feel awesome. Go feed rats. Lie in a bed that isn't mine and feel like I'm home.
I made my first New York Oriented purchase today- a five dollar Hard Core Pirate knife. It isn't too good for quick self defense, it's huge, and kinda dull... but damn if it doesn't look like an angry pirate knife. Plus, I've been working with it, and I'm actually getting pretty good at snapping it out in one motion already. Two months and some practise, and I'll be ready to stab any jerkass who tries to steal my shit when I'm in the Big Apple.
WTF I'M GOING TO NY!!!! AAAH!!!! I think I'll just creepily peer into shop windows on 5th Avenue all day, and sit in Central Park, and stand on some bridges, and go "Ayup, that's the empire state building." The more FREE things I can do, the better. From what I hear, it's fucking expensive as shit up there.
I'm about to pay off my credit card debt, only to rack up more yet again with my delicious all-purpose bond girl boots from Fluevog. I have $500 stashed away that I can't touch, I told my mom to stash that money away and not let me touch it. I'll be getting at least an extra $200 in christmas money. So, that gives me some time to pay off the credit card, thus meaning I'll have the $500 credit card as well. Plus a $500 line of credit, only to be touched if I'm DYING and out of money.
This is my basic stab at paying for the trip myself. I had a $700 jumpstart (it was orriginally $850 but I spent $150 on a new phone and some credit debt), and I'll have some christmas money help, but the rest will really be all me.
oh delightful!
It just goes to show that poor college kids can travel, too. I'm lucky though.
Tonight I had another "I don't have long to live" panic attack (more like sullen realization), and then finally, after dropping Jamie off, I screamed, "FINE! If I'm gonna die soon, I MIGHT AS WELL FUCKING LIVE, YOU JERKS!" and turned up the music till it blew my speakers.
Seriously. I miss being so assured of everything, thinking it was allllll going to be taken care of.
Basically, it is the ULTIMATE excersize in learning to let the fuck go, and admitting I have no fucking control over what happens. I'm only recently realizing that I tend to be a bit of a control freak. No really, it makes sense.
I'll explain it some time at a later date though.
In the mean time, I should at least attempt to sleep. meh.
-Alex