The Burdened Vessel Part Two
Lesson the Fourth: Bringing the Giant Down
What do you do when you’re sitting at a lunch table with your best friend and all you can think about is how you had gone down on his girlfriend the day before? Logan had never thought he would have to ask himself that question, but today he had to face that very conundrum.
Duncan was sitting across from him, and Veronica, looking radiant in a blue sleeveless shirt and jean skirt, was beside him, appearing to be as uncomfortable as Logan. The Kane heir was oblivious, of course; he just laughed at some ridiculous story that John Enbom was telling. Lilly, finally realizing that no one was going to ignore Logan out of solidarity for her no matter who she was, was sitting at the far end of the table with Madison and Shelley, holding court. From the looks she was shooting Logan, he had a feeling that something was about to go down.
True to form, Lilly loudly interrupted, “So, Veronica, where were you yesterday? I tried calling you, like, a hundred times.”
Oh, it was a low blow to go after Veronica, and the blonde teen looked terrified as her “best friend” turned her gaze on her.
“I went to the library,” Veronica lied, taking a sip of her soda. “I had to study for my chemistry test.”
“You’ve been studying an awful lot lately. I’m starting to think you’re avoiding me or something.”
Veronica gave a high pitched laugh, obviously trying to shrug it off, but Lilly was having none of it. She was about to make another scathing remark when Logan spoke up, “She’s been tutoring me.”
He would’ve laughed at the way Lilly jerked her head if it wasn’t such a dangerous situation. “Really? Since when?”
“Last week,” Veronica replied, a bit more strength filling her tone. “He’s not doing so great in chemistry.”
“And, what, you just decided to keep this a secret?”
“She told me,” Duncan spoke up, surprising Logan. “Quit making a big deal out of it, Lil.”
“My best friend is going behind my back to spend time with my ex and I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it?!”
“Jesus, Lilly, it’s not like they’re trying to elope!” Duncan snapped.
“What kind of friend are you, Veronica?” Lilly railed, ignoring her baby brother. “Don’t you have any sort of loyalty?”
“Back the fuck off, Lilly!” Logan finally exploded, startling the rest of the table with the severity in his tone. “Don’t jump on her because the pool boy you decided to fuck hit it and quit it! Veronica’s more loyal to you than any of your other ass-kissers so maybe you shouldn’t treat the one real friend you have like shit!”
And then Logan stormed away from the table, leaving everyone, including the Kane siblings and Veronica, in shock.
* * *
When Logan slid into the driver’s seat of the X-terra, he was more than a little surprised to find Veronica in the passenger’s seat reading a copy of The Great Gatsby for English class. She didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that she had broken into his brand new car, made evident by the way she slid her bookmark between the pages and casually slid it back into her bag. Finally, she looked at him and declared, “My mom can’t pick me up today, and, since Lilly isn’t really talking to me, I can’t get a ride with her. Think you can take me home?”
“The car was locked,” was all Logan offered in return.
She shrugged. “You say that like it is important.”
“You broke into my car.”
“I prefer to think of it as ‘opened it without a key.’”
Shaking his head in amused disbelief, Logan declared, “I get the feeling there’s a real dark side to you, Veronica Mars.”
An enigmatic smile across her lips, she pronounced, “You don’t know everything about me, Logan.”
Veronica’s house was on Bay View, the very last road in the 09er zip code; it was so far removed from the Kane and Echolls mansions that it might as well have been on a different planet. There were no pools in this neighborhood, no sports car, no designer outfits brought home by housewives in Jimmy Choos. Logan didn’t spend much time in this section of Neptune; the further you got from the center of 09er-land, the closer you got to people who had no problem putting you in your place.
“You know, my dad, he’s been pretty busy with that E-string killer investigation,” Veronica began, almost casually, as they pulled into her empty driveway. “He’s probably not even going to be home tonight.”
“Uh-huh,” Logan said cautiously.
“And my mom, she’s in LA for the day visiting some friends from college. It’s just me and Backup here all night.”
“Yeah…”
Seeing that he would not make the first move, Veronica boldly offered, “You want to come in?”
Say no, Logan. Get her out of your car and drive home. Then, when you get there, get drunk and call Caitlin Ford; she’s always up for anything. Whatever you do, do not go inside that house with Veronica.
Removing the keys from the ignition, he nodded, following her inside the pleasant two-story house. He paused momentarily to give the pitbull puppy she had gotten for her last birthday a head scratch before following her into the living room. As she went into the kitchen to get some sodas, Logan took a moment to investigate the Mars’ living room. He had only been in Veronica’s house once before, and the Sheriff had been giving him a death glare, so he hadn’t really looked around. Now, as he did, he couldn’t help but smile.
It was like the shrine to Veronica. Framed photos of her were lined up across the mantle; one wall was full of pictures, both of the family and individual shots; academic awards announced that she was the brightest girl in the Neptune sophomore class. Logan smiled when he found a picture of Veronica at two, standing in the bathtub covered in bubbles, offering her rubber ducky to the camera man; that was Veronica, generous even as a toddler.
“Oh, god, don’t look at those!” she ordered, shooing him away from the mantle. “It’s so embarrassing, the way Mom keeps those out.”
Taking a seat on the sofa, Logan shrugged. “Just means she wants everyone to see that she’s proud.”
“All it shows them is that I had a Buddha belly, that pigtails were my hairstyle of choice, and that I couldn’t get food in my mouth to save my life.”
“You look adorable.”
There was only a hint of pink to her cheeks at the compliment, a step up from just a week ago when she had turned crimson at the most bland of compliments. “Well, when do I get to see Logan Echolls baby pictures?”
A grimace crossed his lips. “The only baby pics you’re ever gonna see of me are the ones that Dad sold to Vanity Fair for that bullshit ‘Aaron Echolls: Family Man’ story.”
Veronica remembered the story; it had run a year before, after the rumors of Aaron screwing the maid had surfaced. Logan had spent a solid month completely blitzed, and Duncan had been truly worried about him.
Impulsively cupping his cheek, she murmured, “You’re so much better than he is.”
He didn’t want those words to affect him so greatly, but Logan couldn’t help it; he was terrified that he would be like his father, the child abusing, philandering asshole. Lilly had known that, exploited that. More than once she had screamed that he was just like Aaron, and it was the quickest way to get Logan to back down from a fight. He just knew that if Veronica knew the truth about his father the way that Lilly did, she would never use it against him.
The kiss was slow, lazy, and Logan knew that he was taking his life in his hands by making out with the Sheriff’s baby girl on his couch. But Veronica fit so perfectly into his arms and she was everything he could ask for and did he really have to consider the fact that she was his best friend’s girl?
He jumped when he felt her hand press against the front of his jeans, applying pressure to his burgeoning erection. It was the first overt action that Veronica had taken since these “lessons” had begun and he couldn’t say that it didn’t feel good. When she tugged at his zipper, his erection was suddenly rock-hard. The heat of her hand seemed like enough to burn as she carefully freed him from his boxers. She kept her touch light, her thumb circling the weeping head, and Logan shuddered from the sensation.
It was when she moved to lower her mouth against him that he caught her shoulder, gasping, “You don’t have to do this.”
Veronica blinked, an indefinable emotion glimmering in her blue eyes. “I want to.”
“Duncan won’t expect...this.”
Pressing a tender kiss to his lips, she confessed in a whisper, “I’m not doing this for Duncan.”
Her mouth felt like a wet inferno, and Logan did everything he could to stop from thrusting upwards. It was obvious within the first thirty seconds that she didn’t have the experience of the girls who had done this to him in the past; it was also obvious that Logan did not care in the least. The feel of her doing this to him-for him-was too overwhelming for words.
She was careful at first, simply taking the tip of him into her mouth, sucking experimentally before swirling her tongue around the crest. The hand that clutched him at the base lightly stroked before tentatively caressing his balls, which caused him to whimper. As minutes ticked by, she became more comfortable, taking more and more of him into her mouth. She couldn’t do the deep throat thing that Lilly could, but she was able to take about half of his length before having to draw back.
Logan twined his fingers into her silken locks, not wanting to force her, but desperate to touch her. He began to move his head back and forth, nonsensical phrases spilling from his lips, asking, begging, pleading for more, for anything she was willing to give him. When she flicked her eyes upward, Logan met her gaze and was completely stunned by the emotions he felt reflected in her blue depths. He whispered her name reverently, a prayer to the divine in the midst of an unforgivable sin against a man they both cared for, and Logan urged her away from him as he climaxed.
As he lay there recovering from his orgasm, Veronica daintily cleaned up the mess he had made on his jeans, discarding the tissues into the trashcan before carefully tucking him back into his pants. It wasn’t until she had neatly curled herself into the crook of his arm that Logan realized with brutal clarity that he was in love with Veronica Mars.
Later, when his brain was not foggy with orgasmic afterglow and he could assess his actions, he would wonder why he had not held his tongue. But he did not and that was why he blurted out, “Break up with Duncan.”
Veronica pulled away so fast, her head whipping towards him, that he was almost certain that he had just told her that he murdered orphans and ate them in his spare time. “What?”
Not allowing himself to back off, he repeated, “Break up with Duncan.”
“Why?”
“Veronica…you can’t deny that what we’re doing…that it doesn’t mean something to you.”
“Logan-”
“Don’t tell me it doesn’t,” he interrupted, terrified that was what was going to spill from her lips.
“Of course it means something,” she assured him. “I mean, you’re my friend and you’ve been helping me and you’ve been amazing…”
“I’m more than just your friend. What we just did…you don’t do that with friends.”
Panic began to fill Veronica’s eyes. “Well, no, but we’re not…I can’t leave Duncan, Logan. Do you know what that would do to him, me breaking up with him for his best friend? That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair, Veronica! Isn’t it worse to stay with him when you’re…”
“When I’m what?” she prompted, the panic still not enough to stop her curiosity.
“I’m in love with you,” he admitted. “And it tears me up that you’re Duncan’s girlfriend. I don’t want to hurt him, either. But you can’t say…I mean…do you feel the same way?”
Tears began to pool, her eyelashes glistening as if they had diamonds on them. “Do you have to ask?”
“Then why can’t you break up with him? I know it’ll be hard-”
“Duncan loves me, Logan! It’ll destroy him to lose us both all at once! And Lilly! Even though she’s not your girlfriend anymore, she’s still my best friend!”
“She tried to humiliate you at lunch! That’s not a friend!”
“No, that’s Lilly! I know what Lilly is, Logan! I know the risks that come with being around her! Everyone who goes near her does! But I can’t just walk away! You said it yourself, I’m the only real friend she has!”
“But you love me!”
“I know! You think I don’t think about that every second? But we can’t do this!”
“Then why did you ask me to ‘teach’ you? Why, if you were so worried about Duncan and your precious Lilly, did you ask me to be your teacher?”
“Because you’re you, and I knew you wouldn’t say no, not when sex was involved.”
Logan had been hurt in many ways in his life. He had been beaten with fists, whipped with a belt, burnt by cigars, strangled, and held underwater until he had thought he would drown, but nothing had ever been as physically painful than to hear the girl he was in love with declare that she thought he was a slut.
He stumbled blindly out the door, Veronica tearfully calling after him, “Logan, wait!”, but he couldn’t. He had to get away from Bay View Drive, away from Veronica Mars, before he completely lost it.
He managed not to cry until he stood beneath the beating water of the shower, and when he did, he sank to the floor and wailed because no matter how distinguished his pedigree, Veronica still thought that he was nothing.
* * *
Lesson the Fifth: Never Swim Against the Current
“I fucking hate geometry,” Lilly sighed as Veronica dug through her locker for her history book. “I mean, seriously...my dad has, like, a jillion dollars. Do they really think that any college is going to look at my grades once they see his checkbook?”
“It’s good to know that you’re keeping your options in perspective, Lil,” she sarcastically replied.
“So are you excited for this weekend?”
Veronica nodded, feigning a smile. “Catalina sounds awesome.”
“Veronica, Catalina is not the draw here. You are leaving a girl, but coming back a woman. It’s, like, an epic journey.”
“Yeah, I hear Odysseus’s trip started that way.”
“Odysseus? Is he the Swedish exchange student?”
For the first time in days, a genuine laugh bubbled out of Veronica. “It’s a good thing your dad is Jake Kane, Lil.”
“Whatever. I gotta go. Clemmons wants to talk to me about my attitude. See you later, Veronica.”
She found the note between the pages of her history book. The moment she saw the handwriting, she knew who had slipped it inside and her heart momentarily stopped, her attention now focused on this slip of paper rather than the lecture on the Vietnam War.
Veronica,
Your practice run, if you still want it, is tonight. Come to the marina at 8, slip 5. I’ll be waiting.
L
She already had an alibi established to tell her mother before class was even over.
* * *
The last time Veronica had been to the marina, she had gone sailing with Duncan and Logan while Lilly went shopping with Celeste in Los Angeles. With waves that were crashing up onto the deck, Veronica had been terrified, clinging to anything that was nailed down while Logan chuckled and Duncan tried to reassure her she’d be safe. When he had gone below to get a bucket at Logan’s insistence that Veronica looked like she was going to vomit, Logan had slid an arm around her waist and given her a squeeze, promising her that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her.
Tonight, as Veronica slowly made her way to the slip where The Sun Dancer was docked, the warm breeze coming off of the sea caused the short skirt of her recently-purchased red halter dress to swirl around her thighs. She wasn’t sure why she had bought the dress on her way home from school today; it wasn’t her style at all, but the fantasy of Logan's reaction to it proved to be too tempting. Of course, the heels that matched it made her balance precarious at best and they were not appropriate boat footwear, but that was inconsequential right now.
She saw him seated on the deck of his father’s sailboat, his long legs crossed at the ankle in front of him, an inscrutably dark expression on his face. When he saw her, she saw the flash of approval in his eyes at the way the dress clung to her curves before he forced it away.
“You’re late,” he spat, getting to his feet.
Shocked at his tone, she countered, “By, like, two minutes.”
“I might have plans after this,” he continued, turning his back on her as he began to pull at ropes and cords that Veronica didn’t understand in the slightest.
“Well, unless you’re launching a nuclear strike against San Diego, I doubt two minutes will matter.”
“We can’t all cater to your schedule, Veronica.”
No longer titillated by the potential of this meeting or weighted down with worry about their last conversation, she snapped, “Why are you being so mean?”
Finally turning to face her, Veronica saw just how tired and sad he looked. It was as if all the fight had been taken out of him, and she didn’t like this Logan. “I’m not your boyfriend, Veronica; I’m your whore. I don’t have to be nice to you.”
She reeled back as if slapped. “Is that what you think, that…that you’re my whore?”
“I’m your hired stud, aren’t I? You wanted someone to fool around with, so you asked me because I’m so morally bankrupt I wouldn’t have any problem doing it to Duncan. You bought the experience.”
“I didn’t buy anything. I just wanted a favor!”
“Well, you gotta ‘em, baby.” Closing the gap between them, he mockingly inquired, “What do you want, darling? Tell me and I’ll be a good little boy and give it to you.”
Shoving him away from her with all of her strength, tears now sliding down her cheeks at his cruelty, she cried, “I want the Logan who made me feel like I mattered, like I was precious! I want the Logan that said he loved me! I want the Logan that didn’t treat me the way Lilly treats him! That’s what I want, Logan! Can you give me that or are you too busy pretending like I don’t matter at all?!”
They stood there, staring at each other, tears rolling down both their cheeks, at an impasse. Veronica finally turned to leave, when Logan hoarsely called out, “Don’t!”
She turned to face him and replied, “Why not?”
Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, he admitted, “I can’t go back to the way things were, Vee. I can’t just pretend that this hasn’t happened, that I don’t feel this way.”
“So you thought doing your best Dick imitation was the way to make me pay?”
“No! I…I love you, Veronica.”
“You know how I feel.”
“No, I don’t,” he argued. “You avoided it when I asked you. So I need to know, Veronica! Spell it out for me; tell me who you love!”
Lower lip quivering, she whispered, “As long as I’m on this boat, it’s you. When it’s just us, when we’re like this, it’s always you. But the world…it isn’t this boat, and it’s more than just me and you, and in that world, I can’t…I can’t hurt Duncan. I just can’t.” Her tears were falling faster as she confessed, “I wish I could.”
Taking a tentative step towards her, he murmured, “Then as long as you’re on this boat, you’re mine. Duncan doesn’t exist. It’s just you and me.”
“But what about when-”
He pressed a finger to her lips, stilling the words he didn’t want to hear. If she could just keep up this game of pretend where the siblings Kane did not exist, even for just a few hours, maybe she could keep her sanity. Tonight she just needed Logan and nothing more.)
“It’s just us.”
Logan navigated the boat away from the shore, finally dropping anchor far away enough that the lights of Neptune only looked like Christmas bulbs in the distance.
“Logan,” she began when he moved towards her, taking her into his arms, “I’m sorry for-”
“Shhh.” Brushing her hair away from her face, he swore, “It doesn’t matter. Just forget about that right now, okay? Let’s just have this be about us.”
Veronica nodded, accepting his proffered lips, wanting to be able to lose herself in the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and Logan stroked the exposed skin of her back, sending chills up her spine. When he felt her shiver, he asked, “Do you want to go down to the cabin?”
If Keith Mars had taught his daughter anything, it was how to identify when a guy was trying to work his way into her pants. In those situations, he had taught her exactly how to make a man infertile with a single blow. But right now, Veronica didn’t want to fight Logan off; she wanted to go down to that cabin and see what he was offering her.
“Yeah.”
Veronica’s hand was tiny in Logan's large one as he led her down the few steps to the cabin below deck. Aaron had the cabin professionally decorated, mostly as a place to take his mistresses, but Veronica didn’t care as she gasped at the ornate room. The centerpiece of the entire room was a king sized bed, covered in bedclothes that cost more than most people’s monthly salaries. Veronica lightly sat on the edge of the bed as Logan pressed a kiss to her forehead, before moving to light the few candles around the room. When tears pricked her eyes this time, there was no sorrow or frustration there; it was appreciation and adoration.
Logan stood before her and Veronica stared up at him, surprised to see the amount of vulnerability in Logan’s eyes. After a moment, he promised, “I’ll be good to you.”
Getting to her feet, she assured him, “I know.”
Their lips met with restrained passion as Veronica pressed her hands against his chest and Logan gently tugged at the strings of her halter dress. When the knot loosened, the flap of fabric fell, revealing the plump mounds of Veronica’s breasts, her nipples tight and demanding attention. Logan carefully pushed the dress down her frame, leaving her standing before him in nothing but a pair of lacy white panties and those dangerously high heels. The picture she presented was too overwhelming for words.
“Jesus,” was all Logan could get out before tracing the outer curve of her breast with his fingertips.
Her fingers trembled a bit as she tugged his shirt up, and she was grateful that he lifted his arms in order to assist her. Too nervous to try to remove his pants, Veronica pressed a soft, wet kiss to the patch of chest in front of her, and a noise of approval rumbled deep within him as he moved them backwards. Veronica’s knees hit the bed and she sat on instinct, continuing her trail of kisses down the meridian of his body. When she reached for his belt, Logan batted her hands away, urging her to move further towards the center of the bed. As she laid back on the blue comforter, Logan followed, pausing briefly to remove her shoes. He idly wished that they would have another time because the idea of making love to her with those heels on…
She stared up at him, her trusting blue eyes full of emotions that Lilly Kane could not even begin to comprehend, and Logan Echolls knew that he would remember this night for the rest of his life.
Logan shed his pants, watching as Veronica averted her eyes like the blushing virgin she was, and the movement was too sweet for words. When he was nude, he touched her kneecap and she brought her gaze back towards him. She gave him a small smile and he kissed her kneecap in return. As he began to move his lips further up her leg, she rasped, “Are you gonna…?”
“Do you want me to?”
Veronica enthusiastically nodded her head as the memory of her last foray into oral sex worked its way to the forefront of her brain.
Hooking his thumbs into the panties, Logan kissed each of her hipbones before dragging them down her tanned legs. Once they were free of her body, he positioned himself between her thighs. With a seductive grin, Logan dipped his head down and Veronica’s head fell back as she began to cry out in pleasure.
When she reached her peak, Logan slid up her body, barely giving her a chance to recover before his erection was pressing against the entrance to her body. Veronica gasped, her hands now grasping his shoulders tightly as the knowledge that they were truly about to become lovers struck her.
“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” Logan panted, praying to every deity under the sun that she would say anything but no.
Softly, sounding so very young, she requested, “Tell me you love me.”
Sincerity ringing through with every syllable, he swore, “I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my life. You’re it, Veronica. You’re my love.”
Veronica bent her knees, cradling his body, and she tightened her hold on him as she tipped her hips upwards, sending him a signal that she was ready. Logan stretched across to the bedside table, retrieving a condom. With precision, he rolled it down his length before sighing into her ear, “I love you, Veronica.”
The pain was sharp and immediate, and Veronica’s nails bit into the corded muscle of his back as Logan held still, hoping to give her enough time to adjust before moving. After several tense moments, Veronica relaxed the smallest degree and Logan whispered, “Are you okay?”
Slowly, Veronica nodded. “Just don’t let go, okay?”
His hips moved carefully, his movements achingly tender, and Veronica lifted her legs to wrap around his waist, squeezing his hips as she tentatively thrust back against him. It was not like in the movies, Veronica realized; soreness radiated throughout her though pleasure was slowly overtaking it, and their movements were awkward, but this also was the most treasured that Veronica had ever felt.
Logan twisted his hips, moving into her at a different angle, and Veronica gasped and froze as he grazed a spot inside her that made pleasure shoot through her. With a smile, Logan did again, knowing that he had found her g-spot, and this time Veronica moaned long and deep. By the third stroke, she was panting, “Faster, Logan, please!”
Wetly covering her throat with kisses, Logan sped up his thrusts, pushing powerfully inside her, and Veronica began to keep his rhythm, aching for the return of his body into hers. As they strained, sweat beginning to gather on their skin, Veronica felt herself teetering on the edge of her orgasm. When Logan thrust hard against her while simultaneously brushing her clit with his thumb, Veronica came with a cry. As her pleasure made her shake within his arms, Veronica lifted her head to kiss his collarbone before shakily confessing, “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you either.”
* * *
Later, as Logan navigated the boat back into the marina, Veronica sat on the deck, staring aimlessly out into the dark. When they were safely back into The Sun Dancer’s slip, she turned to him, a single tear trailing down her cheek. Before she could say a word, he assured her, “I know.”
“No,” she softly argued, getting to her feet, “I don’t think you do.”
Logan studied her for a long moment before agreeing, “Maybe I don’t.”
Veronica carefully stepped off of the boat, the night air chilling her to the bone. As she turned to face him, she saw that the mask he had worn earlier that night was in place. It was almost as if what he had said earlier was true; the boat was an entirely different world.
“Have fun with Duncan and Lilly this weekend.”
Heart breaking, Veronica nodded.
* * *
Lesson the Sixth: Always Watch for Flares
“You look totally hot in that bikini, Veronica,” Lilly informed her best friend as they laid on the deck of the Kane yacht. “Duncan isn’t going to know what hit him tonight.”
Veronica self-consciously tugged at the emerald green suit before shrugging. “I don’t think I’m going to do it, Lil.”
Twisting her head around so fast that her sunglasses fell off of her head, Lilly gasped, “What?!”
Avoiding her gaze, Veronica lied, “I just don’t think I’m ready, you know? Duncan’s not pressuring me, so why should I force it?”
Rolling her eyes, Lilly sighed, “Veronica, you don’t know anything about guys. If you don’t have sex with them, they’re not gonna stick around. Look, if there is one thing I know, it’s men, and men only want to be around someone who knows what they’re doing in bed and does it often. Take Logan, for example.”
“Logan?” Veronica echoed, hoping her voice didn’t waver.
“Logan is like, a total horndog. All the boy ever wants is sex. You can lead him around like a puppy if you suck his dick well enough. Like, okay, he’s not that great in bed and he’s always trying to be, like, ‘let's make love’ but he’s decent enough at it. And he’s Logan Echolls so that’s a good name value.”
“Name value?”
Lilly looked at her in disbelief. “Oh, c’mon, Veronica! You’re telling me that you’re not with Duncan 'cause our dad’s a billionaire? Sure, you might like him, but Daddy Warbucks certainly isn’t a hardship. It’s all about name recognition. And if you want to keep the name brand, you’ve gotta put in the grunt work...emphasis on the grunt.” Replacing her sunglasses atop her nose, she added, “It’s every girl’s burden to bear.”
“And that burden is…”
Lilly scoffed. “Sex, Veronica.”
“Sex is a burden?”
“You do what you gotta do.” Reaching for the suntan lotion, she added, “Hey, I forgot to tell you the big news.”
Already uneasy with the conversation, Veronica prompted, “Hmm?”
“Logan came crawling back last night.”
Horror shot through her so fast that Veronica thought she might vomit. “Really?”
“He was stinking drunk, of course, but he said that he was sorry, that he wanted to make sure that things were the way they were supposed to be. I forgave him, but gave him a guilt trip, so I figure that’s worth, at least, a piece of jewelry. I invited him to come along but he was all weird about it. Maybe he and the Donut had a fight.”
Closing her eyes so that Lilly couldn’t see the tears pooled there, she squeaked out, “Maybe.”
* * *
Veronica had never really been a big believer in revenge. Her father had always taught her that justice was what was important; revenge was for people that didn’t want what was right, but what felt like the easiest route to hurt the person who hurt them. Keith Mars believed in justice; Veronica was starting to see the benefits of revenge.
Except as she laid in Duncan’s bed, Duncan slobbering on her neck, his hands clumsily stumbling across the planes of her body, she didn’t feel vindicated. She didn’t want to have sex with Duncan, didn’t want to give herself to him in that way, but she wanted to hurt Logan. The pain that had seared her heart at Lilly’s revelation that they had reunited after she had given him her virginity was unlike anything she had ever felt. It didn’t matter that she had been the one to insist that it was only one night, that she couldn’t leave Duncan; it still hurt. She wanted Logan to feel that pain, to know what it was like to be easily replaced, to not matter.
Yet as Duncan began to lower her underwear, Veronica began to panic. Thrashing her lower body, she began to sputter, “I’m sorry, Duncan, please stop, I don’t wanna…”
Duncan immediately pulled back, breathing hard. Brushing hair away from his sweaty forehead, he panted, “Is something wrong?”
You’re not Logan. “I’m not ready, Duncan. I’m sorry.”
Confusion folded his face. “But…”
Drawing her shirt back over her head, Veronica prompted, “But what?”
“Well, Lilly said that you wanted this, that you thought I was going too slowly. She said you wanted this trip to be…the one where we did this.”
Veronica felt her stomach clench with anger. “Lilly told me that you wanted to have sex on this trip.”
Realization finally dawning on him, Duncan scoffed. “Typical Lilly, right? She was fucking with us.” Flopping onto his back, he declared, “I’ll talk to her, tell her this wasn’t cool.”
"You do that," Veronica retorted bitterly, snatching up her discarded headband.
"Veronica..." Duncan started to rise, alarmed.
She halted him by raising her hand, palm facing him. "Just...don't." She stalked down the narrow passage to her own sleeping cabin, hatred for her best friend burning so brightly inside her that she wasn’t sure she would ever forgive Lilly.
* * *
No one knew that Veronica sobbed in her room that night, that she cursed the lesson she had gotten. She might not have wanted to hurt Duncan, that was true; but at the end of the day, when all was said and done, neither she nor Logan could ever escape Lilly Kane. Until the day she died, Lilly Kane would be the one who controlled the universe, who laid out the relationships and the way things were supposed to be, and Veronica wanted to scream at her role in it all.
After all, for as long as Veronica stayed with Duncan, Lilly would stay with Logan, because Lilly knew Logan better than he knew himself, and she had known about his feelings for Veronica long before he did. That was the lesson Veronica should’ve learned: you can’t beat Lilly Kane.