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ugh, why do things always gotta get messed up when everything was going great!!!!! I went out with Billy yesterday... he had some things to do so I went with him... it was perfect!!!.... Thennnnn I'm sitting there checking my voicemail cuz Angela left me one.... and he hears one he left me from a whilllle ago, like when we first broke up.... ( I never delete my voicemail... I'm about to start tho) anyways, his message was mean and angry, so he grabs the phone and was like why the hell do you still have this.... deletes it.... NEXT MESSAGE.... of course it has to be from the one person who is always creating issues in our relationship.... So he was like who is this?? I was like I'm not telling you, you're gonna get mad.... and he's like ___ (I'm not putting the name here cuz random ass people like to read this and he got enough problems...) but anyways I'm like yea... he throws my phone and gets pissed and gets out of the car... goes into his house and locks me out... So I'm sitting there waiting for him to open the stupid door... He comes back out and is like I wanna hear it (cuz he never finished) but when he threw it all the messages got deleted... I dunno... but I was telling it was from like a month ago (and they were, I haven't recently talked to him)... and then he started saying well maybe you broke up with me to be with him and then that wasn't all that great so now you came back.... I was soo upset, because really, I don't know why he's still an issue.... if anything was to ever happen with him, it would have already, but it hasn't so it never is gonna... it's just sooo frustrating, because no matter what I say it's always something else... if it's not this person, it was Matt, if it isn't him, it's someone else... he's so insecure and he always thinks that I'm going to like leave him or something... and he gets crazy jealous and to be honest it's annoying as hell... I mean, even if this guy would like to be with me or whatever, I don't want to be with him, and Billy should trust me enough to know that I'm not going to go chill with him, and I'm not going to do that to him... but anyways we were fighting... he mentioned how I broke his heart so many times, I broke up with him for no reason, because I wasn't happy, and how maybe that's why we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, so that I can go hook up with him if I want... I flipped out, I was like are you fucking kidding me, I broke up with you because I wasn't happy, and have we fought once since we started being together again?? No we haven't and maybe that's the reason I'm hesitant to start going back out... I got so pissed cuz he was really trying to convince himself that I hooked up with the guy... So I got out of the car and was like fuck it I'll walk... he drove 2 blocks then stopped, I went back into the car.... more arguing... then we got to my house... he was like do me a favor, don't call me... So I was like fine, and I got out of the car.... stupid me assumed he just needed some time to cool off (cuz he's like that when he's pissed) but nope.... he didn't call me at all... he came online last night and didn't im me or anything... So now, I have no clue what's going on... and I think that it's all sooo stupid and pointless... because I HAVE NOOOO FEELINGS for this guy anymore.. and it's still an issue after 3 years... oh and somewhere in this fight his whole smoking thing came up... because he doesn't want me to talk to this guy, but I do whenever he ims me or whatever, so he was like yea well out of respect for me you can't even stop talking to him... So I was like fuck that, how about you smoking regardless of me (because usually when I'm around and people are smoking, he won't, so that I don't feel uncomftorable or whatever... but last Sunday he did and I was mad but never said nething).. So he thought that was stupid to compare it to, and he was like smoking isn't even a big deal... But to me it is, and he knows alll the reasons why... So when I got out of the car, I told him that I hope when he gets married and has kids that he turns out to be a scumbag piece of shit and randomly doesn't come home, making his family not like him, and not rely on him at all... That was prolly not nice of me to say, but whatever...
So basically, I have no idea what's going on... Sorry from the randomness/out of orderness of all that ^^^... bye