the end of a chapter
finals suck. taking a study break now, and have a lot to update on. Especially from this weekend.
I'm frustrated and can't focus on f-ing philosophy because of this weekend's events. You all know I'm a fairly easygoing person and nothing really pisses me off. That is, unless boys are dumb or people fuck with my friends. Both of those happened this weekend.
For basically the past year i've had a "whenever he's in town" realationship with someone, aforementioned in many journal entries as matt or my '97 spoofhound. the boy makes knows exactly how to push my buttons and make me crazy in both good and bad ways. Pretty much he's like a drug for me. I think he resembles heroin, because of the intense highs, lows, and the DAMN ADDICTION! On one hand he is the sweetest, funniest, most caring person, plus all the other qualities i look for in a guy-best matched person i've met to date for me. When we first met we were basically in or own little world the whole time he was here. We would talk just the two of us for hours, be completely random, and be very affectionate, even around our friends. However, after the first couple times of him coming back the good things have been fading a bit each subsequent time.
So Matt was in town this past weekend. I may have pointed him out to you or someone you know on Wed, Fri, or Sat night at the Palms. As usual he was busy with his boy friends right away when he got there, but eventually i got to talk to him a bit. He came to afterhours @ 7th & W with us and everything seemed ok. But then i realized he was being a bit standoffish towards me and not really anyone else which pissed me off. A bit later in the night his whole clan said see ya later, they were going to the beach house. Matt walked off, wasn't even going to say bye. I was on the porch at this time and pulled aside matt's friend that i'm the closest with (beacom), and said...
j-Are you guys really leaving
b- yeah, you want to come with
j-no pretty sure im not wanted there i think your friend hates me
b-whatever jess, we're coming back don't worry.
so i was out on the porch with pat o'hair at the time venting about this whole situation. Then we noticed that about half a block up the group had stopped, and had a mini powwow for about 5 min. Then all the sudden the group goes back to the beach house, except for matt who turned around and came back to our party. I thought, "yay! he's finally coming to his senses!" Pat and i were still outside smoking as matt walked back up the porch, but right past me and inside without saying a thing! Grr! that was just one example of how the boy screws with me. In about 5-10 min though he finally talked to me and things actually started going really well, kinda like old times. Then the rest of the boys got back and matt asked if i wanted to come out with him and the boys to his cabin. Of course i said yes, so we decided the boys were walking to beacom's house to get trucks, and matt and i would go to my house to get beer and blankets. this whole time matt was acting like the old matt, and i was one happy camper.
But looking back now I realize it was all probably just to get me to hump.
we get back to my house, and beacom says they'll be over in a few min. but a few min takes a while and then none of the boys will answer their phones. matt gets pissy, which makes me pissy. Katie who had arrived home shortly before us and was in her room, said what she heard sounded like an old married couple who slightly hated each other with some of our comments. Anyway things work out so-so we hump yada yada. But it was really strange, and was basically like we were using each other because we had nothing better to do. no pun intended. lol. but i think he was using me more than i was using him, so that's part of the reason why i'm pissed. and after the morning hump he almost immediatly put on his clothes and called his brother to ask for a ride, and left my room saying, "see ya around". GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
In the past year with matt i've never felt trasy with the fuck buddies thing, we were just two friends having fun. However after this time I did feel somewhat trasy, disrespected with the way he acted most of the night, and just overall dissapointed in what our situation has turned into.
that's the medium version of friday night's story. quite windy I know, but there is still a lot of important details left out! Anway fast foreward to sat, and i decide since he was an ass, im not talking to him unless he talks to me first. But that doesn't happen. There were times we were standing side by side and we didn't say a damn thing to each other both at the bar and afterhours. lots of strategic mind games were played on both of our sides that night, but it just ended up with neither of us talking to each other, and him taking off for austin yesterday. Details of sat may come in a later avoiding studying post.
So I decided until next time i hate him. And next time if he's still an ass, ill still hate him. Next time he's back i'm going to give him a piece of my mind, but not a piece of ass unless he snaps back into old matt--no matter how long i've went w/o humping. However i don't see that happening, so we may have just finished the chapter on Mr. Felton in my book. I really need to talk to PT about this since he knows the both of us very well, but i probably won't be able to have a back room night this week bc of finals. Also I want to see if i can pump any info from beacom. I really want this to be finished, but I can't be 100% put him out of my mind unless i hear some of the bad things matt said about me. that will hit home with me, and give me the motivation to put this boy down the garbage disposal.
you all think im nuts. that's ok bc i am. ;) yes i know we'll never be in a relationship bc he's in austin and im here. yes i know we're just fuck buddies. However, in my mind I've been banking on the image of him from when we first met and now i realize things have changed.
What about mr. managerial communications you ask? Ha ha funny story. Yeah, let's say I won't be hooking up with him. Since he started at the Palms he's became a pretty good friend, and I couldn't see us ever hooking up. He was pretty much my mystery man, but now is my buddy i bitch to. He helped me out a lot with the matt situation this weekend, even was my pretend boyfriend a bit (that's a funny story). However, now I have zero boys to daydream about, and I'm going nuts!
I've just wasted a ton of time, and i need nicotine. But i do feel better after venting to my dear friend live journal. i'll be back later this week with the people screwing with the friends part, and other details i forgot. peace yo
I'm frustrated and can't focus on f-ing philosophy because of this weekend's events. You all know I'm a fairly easygoing person and nothing really pisses me off. That is, unless boys are dumb or people fuck with my friends. Both of those happened this weekend.
For basically the past year i've had a "whenever he's in town" realationship with someone, aforementioned in many journal entries as matt or my '97 spoofhound. the boy makes knows exactly how to push my buttons and make me crazy in both good and bad ways. Pretty much he's like a drug for me. I think he resembles heroin, because of the intense highs, lows, and the DAMN ADDICTION! On one hand he is the sweetest, funniest, most caring person, plus all the other qualities i look for in a guy-best matched person i've met to date for me. When we first met we were basically in or own little world the whole time he was here. We would talk just the two of us for hours, be completely random, and be very affectionate, even around our friends. However, after the first couple times of him coming back the good things have been fading a bit each subsequent time.
So Matt was in town this past weekend. I may have pointed him out to you or someone you know on Wed, Fri, or Sat night at the Palms. As usual he was busy with his boy friends right away when he got there, but eventually i got to talk to him a bit. He came to afterhours @ 7th & W with us and everything seemed ok. But then i realized he was being a bit standoffish towards me and not really anyone else which pissed me off. A bit later in the night his whole clan said see ya later, they were going to the beach house. Matt walked off, wasn't even going to say bye. I was on the porch at this time and pulled aside matt's friend that i'm the closest with (beacom), and said...
j-Are you guys really leaving
b- yeah, you want to come with
j-no pretty sure im not wanted there i think your friend hates me
b-whatever jess, we're coming back don't worry.
so i was out on the porch with pat o'hair at the time venting about this whole situation. Then we noticed that about half a block up the group had stopped, and had a mini powwow for about 5 min. Then all the sudden the group goes back to the beach house, except for matt who turned around and came back to our party. I thought, "yay! he's finally coming to his senses!" Pat and i were still outside smoking as matt walked back up the porch, but right past me and inside without saying a thing! Grr! that was just one example of how the boy screws with me. In about 5-10 min though he finally talked to me and things actually started going really well, kinda like old times. Then the rest of the boys got back and matt asked if i wanted to come out with him and the boys to his cabin. Of course i said yes, so we decided the boys were walking to beacom's house to get trucks, and matt and i would go to my house to get beer and blankets. this whole time matt was acting like the old matt, and i was one happy camper.
But looking back now I realize it was all probably just to get me to hump.
we get back to my house, and beacom says they'll be over in a few min. but a few min takes a while and then none of the boys will answer their phones. matt gets pissy, which makes me pissy. Katie who had arrived home shortly before us and was in her room, said what she heard sounded like an old married couple who slightly hated each other with some of our comments. Anyway things work out so-so we hump yada yada. But it was really strange, and was basically like we were using each other because we had nothing better to do. no pun intended. lol. but i think he was using me more than i was using him, so that's part of the reason why i'm pissed. and after the morning hump he almost immediatly put on his clothes and called his brother to ask for a ride, and left my room saying, "see ya around". GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
In the past year with matt i've never felt trasy with the fuck buddies thing, we were just two friends having fun. However after this time I did feel somewhat trasy, disrespected with the way he acted most of the night, and just overall dissapointed in what our situation has turned into.
that's the medium version of friday night's story. quite windy I know, but there is still a lot of important details left out! Anway fast foreward to sat, and i decide since he was an ass, im not talking to him unless he talks to me first. But that doesn't happen. There were times we were standing side by side and we didn't say a damn thing to each other both at the bar and afterhours. lots of strategic mind games were played on both of our sides that night, but it just ended up with neither of us talking to each other, and him taking off for austin yesterday. Details of sat may come in a later avoiding studying post.
So I decided until next time i hate him. And next time if he's still an ass, ill still hate him. Next time he's back i'm going to give him a piece of my mind, but not a piece of ass unless he snaps back into old matt--no matter how long i've went w/o humping. However i don't see that happening, so we may have just finished the chapter on Mr. Felton in my book. I really need to talk to PT about this since he knows the both of us very well, but i probably won't be able to have a back room night this week bc of finals. Also I want to see if i can pump any info from beacom. I really want this to be finished, but I can't be 100% put him out of my mind unless i hear some of the bad things matt said about me. that will hit home with me, and give me the motivation to put this boy down the garbage disposal.
you all think im nuts. that's ok bc i am. ;) yes i know we'll never be in a relationship bc he's in austin and im here. yes i know we're just fuck buddies. However, in my mind I've been banking on the image of him from when we first met and now i realize things have changed.
What about mr. managerial communications you ask? Ha ha funny story. Yeah, let's say I won't be hooking up with him. Since he started at the Palms he's became a pretty good friend, and I couldn't see us ever hooking up. He was pretty much my mystery man, but now is my buddy i bitch to. He helped me out a lot with the matt situation this weekend, even was my pretend boyfriend a bit (that's a funny story). However, now I have zero boys to daydream about, and I'm going nuts!
I've just wasted a ton of time, and i need nicotine. But i do feel better after venting to my dear friend live journal. i'll be back later this week with the people screwing with the friends part, and other details i forgot. peace yo