Alkaseltzior!
(apologies to Longfellow... nah, screw him, he's dead)
The pains of gas were coming fast,
as dinner through the stomach passed.
The food of tacos, beans and rice
could be bested by just one device,
Alkaseltzior!
The ache was great with no relief,
from that wrap of cheesy beef,
and onion to my breath had clung,
what relief could soothe my tum?
Alkaseltzior!
Earlier I felt all right,
And thought of tex-mex for the night
But now its done and I sit at home,
upon my couch I weep and moan
Alkaseltzior!
"Take a Tums" the girlfriend said,
"Or Prilosec, perhaps instead"
But I felt a pain on my left side,
and knew that gas would split me wide,
Alkaseltzior!
So I turned to that which I knew best,
to calm the fire within my breast,
To the kitchen for a glass, went I
for water, then with heavy sigh,
Alkaseltzior!
Next to the bathroom, while my stomach roared,
to find a sort of peace accord,
Then within my guts I could declare
an answer to my desperate prayer.
Alkaseltzior!
I tore the packet and dropped the round
pellets with their merry sound,
The Effervescence sure was nice,
to calm the aftereffect of spice
Alkaseltzior!
Now in peaceful repose I lay,
as the darkness brings to end the day
and though tomorrow brings anal pain,
I fall asleep to the calm refrain:
Alkaseltzior!
The pains of gas were coming fast,
as dinner through the stomach passed.
The food of tacos, beans and rice
could be bested by just one device,
Alkaseltzior!
The ache was great with no relief,
from that wrap of cheesy beef,
and onion to my breath had clung,
what relief could soothe my tum?
Alkaseltzior!
Earlier I felt all right,
And thought of tex-mex for the night
But now its done and I sit at home,
upon my couch I weep and moan
Alkaseltzior!
"Take a Tums" the girlfriend said,
"Or Prilosec, perhaps instead"
But I felt a pain on my left side,
and knew that gas would split me wide,
Alkaseltzior!
So I turned to that which I knew best,
to calm the fire within my breast,
To the kitchen for a glass, went I
for water, then with heavy sigh,
Alkaseltzior!
Next to the bathroom, while my stomach roared,
to find a sort of peace accord,
Then within my guts I could declare
an answer to my desperate prayer.
Alkaseltzior!
I tore the packet and dropped the round
pellets with their merry sound,
The Effervescence sure was nice,
to calm the aftereffect of spice
Alkaseltzior!
Now in peaceful repose I lay,
as the darkness brings to end the day
and though tomorrow brings anal pain,
I fall asleep to the calm refrain:
Alkaseltzior!