(no subject)
i just sent an email to a close friend, and i thought i would post it because it sums up how im feeling. to the person to which it was sent: you know who you are. and im sorry.
obviously i changed some parts. i just thought someone might want to know what the fuck is going on in my head right now. ha. as if.
i just got back from the random Christmas session in town. I hated it. It just made me realise how much of a bitch I am because everything that came out of my mouth was so totally cynical that I just wanted to grab the closest needle and stitch it closed.
I don't know why, but I’m starting to feel that maybe I would be better off dead.
I keep everything inside and I hate that.
Everything I say is a load of shit. I talk too much, which is pretty fucked because I hate my voice. I really hate me right now.
I hate the way I look. I hate the way I act and the way I talk a load of shit to everyone that hasn't learned to not listen yet.
I hate my figure and I hate the way I hide my cuts. I hate the way that (name hidden) shows her cuts off like they’re something to be proud of. I hate the way that I don't show you the person I really am, and that you think you need to hide yourself from me.
I just want to know why you feel you have to hide things from me. If you don't want me there anytime, all you have to do is say so. I’m not going to force myself into your life.
I can't ever see anyone wanting me in their lives, so why would I force them?
Anyway...all I can say is I’m sorry
At least you know ill never do that again. I hope you do anyway
You asked me not to do it and I did. And now I fucking hate myself for it.
All I can say is sorry.
I don't deserve someone like you in my life and I know that. I’m too shallow and repressed and I try far too hard. I don't belong with you because you deserve better then me. I belong with the fucking devil. I’m going to hell. How much of a drama queen am I? But it’s true. I belong someplace where I’m not upsetting anyone. Where I’m not getting in your way.
You’re such a special person, and don't you ever let anyone tell you anything different, because that would be a lie. You deserve everything. And I am nothing.
ok, so i know how fucking stereotypical that is, but thats what im feeling right now.
anyways...i have to go
goodbye.
obviously i changed some parts. i just thought someone might want to know what the fuck is going on in my head right now. ha. as if.
i just got back from the random Christmas session in town. I hated it. It just made me realise how much of a bitch I am because everything that came out of my mouth was so totally cynical that I just wanted to grab the closest needle and stitch it closed.
I don't know why, but I’m starting to feel that maybe I would be better off dead.
I keep everything inside and I hate that.
Everything I say is a load of shit. I talk too much, which is pretty fucked because I hate my voice. I really hate me right now.
I hate the way I look. I hate the way I act and the way I talk a load of shit to everyone that hasn't learned to not listen yet.
I hate my figure and I hate the way I hide my cuts. I hate the way that (name hidden) shows her cuts off like they’re something to be proud of. I hate the way that I don't show you the person I really am, and that you think you need to hide yourself from me.
I just want to know why you feel you have to hide things from me. If you don't want me there anytime, all you have to do is say so. I’m not going to force myself into your life.
I can't ever see anyone wanting me in their lives, so why would I force them?
Anyway...all I can say is I’m sorry
At least you know ill never do that again. I hope you do anyway
You asked me not to do it and I did. And now I fucking hate myself for it.
All I can say is sorry.
I don't deserve someone like you in my life and I know that. I’m too shallow and repressed and I try far too hard. I don't belong with you because you deserve better then me. I belong with the fucking devil. I’m going to hell. How much of a drama queen am I? But it’s true. I belong someplace where I’m not upsetting anyone. Where I’m not getting in your way.
You’re such a special person, and don't you ever let anyone tell you anything different, because that would be a lie. You deserve everything. And I am nothing.
ok, so i know how fucking stereotypical that is, but thats what im feeling right now.
anyways...i have to go
goodbye.