Title: Swallow Your Story
Author:
torturedbarbiePairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Six boys grow up, on, and around each other creating a tight-knit pack of blood brothers from a very young age. As they grow, and change, and learn what it is to give and take; they find themselves with connections they never thought possible to the ones they love.
Disclaimer:Its my idea, yes. But I don't own the characters, or the title.
Warnings: None.
Author Notes: Summer school and drinking consumed my life for a short while, as well as another story. I'm very sorry to have made you wait. I still love you all, and I pray you're still out there, ready to finnish this story with me. haha <3
NineteenEighteen.b.Eighteen.a.EighteenSeventeenSixteenFifteenFourteenThirteenTwelve ElevenTenNineEightSevenSixFiveFourThreeTwoOne Things seemed to slip into some weird version of home before Gerard had left. He ate dinner with his mother, hung around with his friends when they were available, and sat by himself in his room a good portion of the time.
It wasn’t that they didn’t love him. They did love him, and they invited him everywhere with them. They invited him to lunch, and to the mall, and to the park, and the store. They didn’t want to leave him alone. But Gerard was still feeling the distance between them. He could feel the mental gap between them that cut Gerard out of their lives. Not completely, but enough to show.
Mikey had Pete, Ray had Bob. Frank had Jamia and a side of Norma as far as Gerard was concerned. They all seemed to have their separate lives, and he felt like too much of a third wheel between them, or fifth wheel according to if they paired up, like Frank and Mikey often did with their additions. Even Joey seemed to have a life, drifting among them all. Gerard was just the odd man out.
As much as he tried not to let it get to him, he wasn’t like them. He couldn’t connect anymore. They were all paired up, and Gerard had barely gotten anything. No girlfriend, no nothing. He had art school, and that was it. He was out of the loop.
He was more suited to hang around with Megan and her picture-perfect fiancée, that grilled every night with the men and drank beer like a pro. But he was too quiet, and they didn’t have anything in common, and so he stayed away. Megan was family, but she was more of the distant cousin twice removed somehow than she was the sister. She was a completely different planet than Gerard, and she didn’t seem bothered with the distance, as long as he smiled at her every once in a while.
His mind was stuck somewhere messy and dark, and it wasn’t from lack of sleep. He knew he was cramping their new way of life, so he tried to stay out of the way. It hurt to be around them just as much as it hurt to be away from them.
There were dark bubbles of poison under his skin that would pop whenever he spent too much time around Frank and Jamia. They were the perfect couple, as it seemed to be. They were fairly match-made, height-wise and food wise. They arm wrestled and rough housed in front of Gerard openly, and shoved one another just far enough to still keep close to each other. It made Gerard ache.
He spent most of his time in his room doodling and listening to the tapes he’d left behind. He threw off Frank when he tried to visit, because he just felt like throwing up. And he locked his doors when Joey came around because all he did was sit around and grin like an idiot. It was annoying.
The only people he really allowed himself to hang out with were Bob, Ray and Mikey, and Mikey was always busy sneaking out to see Pete in the middle of the night because he just couldn’t get enough of him. It was cute, especially for Mikey. It was something Gerard wasn’t entirely used to, but that he wasn’t against.
On the rare occasion he muted the screaming in his head and braved an event with his friends, it was awkward. Frank and Jamia smoked like wildfires, annoying everyone else in the group. Joey wiggled around too much and tried to get in-between his brother and Bob as much as possible. Mikey barely registered anything other than what Pete said. And Norma popped up every now and again looking to sell to Frank or Mikey.
Gerard sat in the bathroom, running the water, pretending to shower. It was ten at night, and everyone was supposed to be sitting in the living room watching some movie Jamia brought over, but he was pretty sure nobody was actually paying attention to the movie.
Gerard knew because it was a Wonder Woman film, and nobody had complained. It was odd after so many years of writing off women super heroes completely as a group. It was the whole reason Megan hadn’t been allowed in their tree house; it was the ban on female super heroes, and women in general that tried to bring them about. If anyone had been paying attention, there would have been some discussion, even if it was Jamia’s movie. Something would have been brought up.
Even Gerard couldn’t stand to watch it.
He was pretty sure Jamia and Frank had slipped outside claiming a smoke break to make like animals in his back yard. He was guessing that Joey was the only one really watching the movie, or maybe scouring the fridge for left-overs of any sort. He was sure that Pete and Mikey were talking about something deep and meaningful, while Ray and Bob slept on the couch, head on shoulder though they were still in denial.
Gerard sighed, and calculated how many days there were left of winter vacation, before he had to get home and get back to reality. How many more days until he went back home and became unnecessary again, drinking and smoking and pretending to belong to yet another life he didn’t seem to be apart of. How many days there were until he could be settled again, and not think about things that were wrong and immoral concerning his friends and their dating habits. How many days there were until Kitty would be calling him a pussy again and Lyn-z would be spoon-feeding him vodka.
He knew he should think about why he seemed excluded, and stop being weird about it. But ignoring it was easy. He was good enough at pretending. Because really, he already knew what it was when he felt that bubble of hate in his gut concerning Frank and Jamia. He just wasn’t going to acknowledge it. Once he did, the world would come unraveled, and he couldn’t pretend again.
And that wasn’t the best option to chose in the long run. Not when Frank was happy.
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“Six days in counting to Christmas.” Joey heard leak in from the pantry window way high above the shelves of food piled up. He loved the Way house for their pantry of endless food. There was always something to get his hands on, since the Way’s were more of snackers than real meal eaters.
“What are you getting me?” Frank asked with a laugh. Joey snorted quietly at the commercial flirting and tipped into a few granola bar boxes to check variety. Mikey was infamous for always getting to the best snacks first, but there was always the rare occasion where he forgot one in the bottom.
“A rock.” Jamia answered, giggling afterward to show she wasn’t serious. “No, I don’t know. Depends on what you’re getting me.” Joey shoveled through the gallons of purified water and kool-aid packets to search for forgotten singles of snacks that often got pushed to the back.
“How about… that zippo you were eyeing, and that one shirt I have that you tried to steal from me.” Frank offered. Joey hoped he wasn’t talking about the one shirt that he had already taken and hidden in the back of his closet until Frank forgot where he’d seen it. Jamia wasn’t getting that one, no matter how pretty she was.
“I think that sounds like a good present.” Jamia speculated.
“Well, what about me then?” Frank asked eagerly. Joey had to remind himself that Frank was indeed older than he was. The sad thing was that he had to do it fairly often.
“How about….” She mimicked Frank,” A boyfriend?” She tittered at the end again, and Joey snorted. Frank groaned and protested non-verbally through a series of sighs and un-pleasurable moans. Joey could just tell from the carry that Jamia was smiling at him.
“Don’t get into this again.” Frank pleaded lightly.
“What again?” Jamia asked innocently.” Its so obvious, its painful. Its like Pete and Mikey times twenty, because he doesn’t even know, Frank! And this has been going on how long? He doesn’t even know, and he’s obviously depressed. Have you seen him? No, you haven’t, because he locks himself in his room and cries himself to sleep.”
There was a pause where Joey was sure that Frank shrugged instead of answering. He could smell the smoke from their cigarettes, so he assumed that Frank was pulling the trick where he acted dependent on the smoke and refused to take it far enough away from his mouth to talk like a regular person. He mumbled when he did it. Joey knew the trick.
But Jamia had a point, and he felt like seconding it just to make Frank see. But he didn’t want to risk giving up his spot just yet. He wanted to hear the plan and maybe help it along. Joey wanted to play a bit of cupid, because well… of all the people Joey knew, Gerard was the most deserving. Frank and Gerard were the most deserving. And it wasn’t even awkward, like Joey assumed it would be when he’d first figured it out.
When he’d been sleeping on the floor after a long night of drinking in Frank’s room while he was under house arrest Frank had called him, and just the shit he’d said, and the round-about way of speaking. It was just like his brother and Bob. Joey saw it right away. Frank didn’t even know what he was talking about, but he kept on the phone just to keep talking to Gerard. He was the only one. After the call Joey was just between sober and drunk enough to ask about it, and Frank replied honestly after Joey asked him if he was in love. With who was implied well enough.
Joey watched Jamia and Frank after that night, but he realized they weren’t exactly a normal couple. They were too careful around each other, always afraid to cross that friends-with-benefits line. Frank didn’t mind talking about it once Joey had figured it out. They had a complicated ordeal going on, for the sake of Jamia’s reputation. She was still chasing after boys who wouldn’t completely have her, and she was still seeking jealousy on their part. Frank was consenting enough to play Gerard’s role from so long ago, only to a new extent.
Neither of them had expected it to last through Christmas, but it had become a routine to play the part. And the Gerard part of the equation was nothing new, just harder to deal with in the flesh.
Joey was far too observant for his age. He wondered briefly why Gerard couldn’t be the all-seeing and all-knowing once again. He was too smart to be dancing around this. He was like Ray and Bob only worse, because at least they’d acknowledged each other. Frank and Gerard were still way off the mark.
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Gerard pulled one of Frank’s couch pillows over his eyes and groaned into it. He could already tell that it was far too early to be awake, but he could also hear the television on, and it seemed that there was a particularly uncomfortable weight on his calves. He knew there were still a good few days before Christmas. He peeked around the cushion to the end of the couch where Frank was huddled up with a mug of coffee clutched to his chest. His hair was ruffled around, and he was wearing a pair of Gerard’s old joker pajama bottoms from his fat freshman days. Frank had rolled them up and safety pinned the holes back together. Gerard recognized his Van Halen shirt as one of Ray’s.
Gerard wiggled his numb toes under Frank’s ass and tried to pull them away.
“Sorry, man. Thought I missed you.” Frank said tiredly. He slowly rearranged himself and allowed Gerard to pull his feet back. He moved just enough so that the sleeve of his long shirt lifted to show the bruises of a hand. Gerard started and felt the kick-start in his brain.
“The hell happened to you?” Gerard asked gruffly, voice still syrupy with sleep. He blinked his eyes a few times and reached forward to lift the excess fabric up over the bruise. Upon further inspection, the bruises looked new and fresh. He looked up into Frank’s eyes and saw that he hadn’t slept for even five minuets the night before.
“You should see the other guy.” Frank scoffed comically, rolling his tired eyes. Gerard didn’t bother asking again, he just stared at Frank expectantly, waiting for the answer that he knew would come eventually.
“What?” Frank sighed,” The guy grabbed me, that’s all. No hitting in the face or anything.” Frank turned his head from side to side dramatically to show Gerard that his face had remained untouched. “I’m fine.”
“You’re sulky.” Gerard observed as Frank pulled the mug close to his chest.
“I’m tired.” Frank argued.
“Where’s Mikey?” Gerard tried instead of arguing. Frank would squeeze it out when he wanted to. Maybe after he finished his mug. And if Gerard didn’t get it out of him, Ms. Iero was likely to. And Gerard was the type to stick around to hear.
“He’s too good for house coffee these days. Can’t stand anything but Pete’s precious Starbucks.” Frank said, a bit of bitterness seeping in. Gerard could tell that something had happened even more now that Frank was acting out of character. Frank Iero didn’t sulk. He was an annoying shit, but he did not sulk for real.
“What time is it?” Gerard asked instead.
“Six.” Frank answered, “Pete’s shift started at 4 this morning, but the earliest Mikey could get up was six. For coffee.” Frank said repetitively.
“You don’t want to go to sleep?” Gerard asked, stretching back in to place on the couch. He watched Frank shake his head through slitted eyes.
“You’re really not going to tell me what happened?” Gerard asked with a small sigh. He didn’t like having to fight out information. He wasn’t used to it. Frank never put up walls that Gerard couldn’t break down. Gerard was just used to knowing shit about everyone, but he’d become far less observant.
“No, because its fucking embarrassing. Let it fucking go, Gee.” He huffed, annoyed. He hid behind his large coffee mug, holding it up close to his face like a shield. Gerard tried to settle back into sleeping comfort, but his stomach was turning all which-ways riddled with Frank’s new mental block. He averted his eyes and watched the television in silence with Frank.
Gerard stayed with Frank for the rest of the day and recognized the distinct lack of Jamia in his schedule. No calls, no messages, no visits. Gerard knew it had something to do with Jamia, and it made him ache for Frank.
In the days that followed, Jamia just wasn’t there. And although the bruise of Frank’s arm was mostly covered and healing, Gerard could tell the bruise on his heart wasn’t. The fact that Frank wouldn’t openly talk about it with Gerard, even though they fell into spending much more time together was concerning. It meant Gerard might have to fix something he didn’t approve of in the first place.