Comments | torrenziale: 20 :: Varia Classifieds [Written/Action]

torrenziale

20 :: Varia Classifieds [Written/Action]

May 11, 2010 10:27

Housekeeper Position OPEN
Interviews will be held beginning at twelve noon today at Seventh Heaven
Duties and compensation to be negotiated
Faint of heart and weak-willed losers need not apply
Must like cats

[After one too many "housewife" conversations with Mammon, Squalo's decided enough is enough. He's a core member of the Varia! He doesn't ( Read more... )

come work for the mafia, no hope for advancement, where'd i put that crossword, bel's socks are dangerous, bester is a "cat", looking for grunts, great job security, help wanted

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

[Voice] vipermirage May 11 2010, 20:35:15 UTC

[As soon as the advertisement is up a strange noise filters through the journals. It's not really strange, it's clearly a laugh, but the strange is the voice that accompanies it, chances are Squalo has never heard it before. But now he does. He hears Mammon laughing out loud while basically rolling around the floor.]

[Voice] torrenziale May 11 2010, 20:44:51 UTC

[The hell is this? Squalo stares wide-eyed at his journal once he figures out who's on the other end. Say what you will, but that laughter is damn strange. After a few moments, however, the shock wears off and he just gets pissed off.]

WHAT?!

[Voice] vipermirage May 11 2010, 20:49:10 UTC

[Still laughing. On her defense you can hear her try to get serious and talk... Before she starts laughing again. Give her a few minutes.]

[Voice] torrenziale May 11 2010, 21:04:36 UTC

...

VOOOII! I've got things to do you know. Spit it out or I'm closing this damn journal.

[Voice] vipermirage May 11 2010, 21:19:27 UTC

[The laugh stops, but so does the communication as a whole when Mammon closes the journal. This girl has something about closing the journal right on Squalo's nose, doesn't she?

Though then, after not more than a second, Squalo will hear again the laugher. Inside his head, as Mammon transmits it telepathically to him.]

[Voice] torrenziale May 11 2010, 21:44:54 UTC

[Squalo shuts his own journal with a scowl....and then he cringes. WhatthehellwhatthehellWHATTHEHELL! Goddamn that's creepy. He's about to shout at her when he remembers he's in a restaurant and that will just make him look like a crazy person. Instead, he settles for thinking really, really loud and hopes she hears it.

GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!]

[Voice] vipermirage May 12 2010, 05:56:58 UTC

[And miss this? No way, I want to see who shows up and how bad you mess up. Just try to make sure that you hire someone useful and not someone who will give you more work.

And she keeps laughing inside his head.]

[Voice] torrenziale May 12 2010, 22:25:30 UTC

VOI! Just who- [Just who do think it is that handles staffing after Xanxus has gone and lost his temper or Bel's gotten "bored?!" I got this. Squalo laces his fingers together and stretches his hands out before him with a smug look on his face.

Might want to stick around anyway, Mammon. Maybe you'll pick up some people skills.]

[Voice] vipermirage May 13 2010, 19:12:02 UTC

[That would be you, but I thought you put that up to find help, not to give you more things to do. If you're really that bored you should have just said it, I would do all I can to make sure you had a more entertaining daily life.

Words probably punctuated by the feeling of a tentacle climbing Squalo's leg.]

[Voice] 1/2 torrenziale May 13 2010, 22:33:45 UTC

[HOLY FUCKING- The coffee cup that was on it's way to his lips is suddenly slammed back down on the table. ...uuugh Squalo grimaces at the creeping sensation, and it is all he can do to not check under the table for the tentacle he knows is not there. Instead, the swordsman shifts his attention and shoots a murderous glare at fellow restaurant patron who has been giving him odd looks.

[Voice] 2/2 torrenziale May 13 2010, 22:43:54 UTC

[...Voi, keep up! This is temporary additional work. I'm not hiring some unqualified schmuck! And you can keep your weird-ass "entertainment" to yourself.

He smirks to himself and asks innocently:

Electra complex, Mammon?]

[Voice] vipermirage May 14 2010, 05:50:23 UTC

[For you? Always, daddy. But at least I'm not in denial, like you are with the boss. Have a nice mental picture of Squalo and Xanxus kissing. Following him just for the vow, sure, and Belphegor isn't a lazy psycho prince.]

[Voice] torrenziale May 14 2010, 19:56:24 UTC

[What is this? WHAT IS THIS! Squalo is a hair's breadth away from chucking his coffee cup at the wall. VOOOOOIII! Don't fucking trivialize my vow!

He takes a second to collect himself. You have one HELL of an imagination. But that's all part of complex, right? There's gotta be a therapist here somewhere that can bring you back to, well, not normal, but you know, closer to it.]

[Voice] vipermirage May 14 2010, 21:54:22 UTC

[Yes... I shouldn't trivialize it. You're quite loyal to that vow after all, it's not as if you go around making those unlike other things. Another image, a familiar one as she pulls it from his mind, Squalo kissing a red-haired girl. You're the one who stays loyal and following a vow that you know can't be fulfilled. Not to mention the time in which the boss was basically an ice cube and you still remained loyal to him and all. I think you should get an appointment for you too once you find that therapist.]

[Voice] torrenziale May 14 2010, 23:33:44 UTC

[His eyes go wide and he inhales sharply when the second image appears. Mammon could have easily worked up the first on her own, but the one with Erza? Squalo is certain she's digging around in his memories. That is NONE of your fucking business! Any of it. He takes a deep breath and laughs wryly. Maybe we'll get a group discount if we all do therapy together.]

[Voice] vipermirage May 15 2010, 12:36:18 UTC

[She's camping at your head Squalo and you have never been one of a strong mind, strong will yes, but mind is another matter. You know I don't care if it's my business or not, stop wasting thoughts that way. Discounts would be nice, then again it could be for free if we manage to drive the therapist crazy.

Insert here an image of all the Varia in a room with a therapist, see Xanxus shooting at him, Lussuria hitting on him before trying to kill him so he's more his type, Squalo yelling, Belphegor sleeping in the couch, Levi just filling up space and crying for Xanxus to pay him attention and Mammon taking anything valuable from the room to sell it later. I say he would last less than five minutes.]

Back to all threads