Meh.
Hey all, it's been a few months since i last updated here so i thought i'd give it a poke.
For the most part things are going well, i've settled into my new place nicely now and my house mates are pretty awesome company when they're around. Independent living definitely beats living with my parents so far (I loved living with them too, but the extra sense of freedom here is definitely nice), though money is a biiiig worry at the moment.
Uni is going pretty well so far this semester, though the time table and workload are already a lot more harsh than last year. At the moment i have NINE pretty hefty assignments to do over the next 3 weeks, and the longest break i have between deadlines is 2 days (I have deadlines pretty much every monday, wednesday and friday at the moment), soooo i definitely have my work cut out for me. X_x
Not every thing's too great though, even though things have been going alright i've found myself in a bit of an emotional lull lately.
The cause is a loooong story, but i'll summarize it as best i can:
- I made an awesome friend online.
- After talking to him for about 5 years, I decided i wanted more than friendship.
- I eventually get the courage to tell him how i feel.
- He tells me he returns those feelings.
- We agree to wait a while before trying a relationship, due to a load of crap happening on his side which he needs to sort out first.
- We carry on chatting as usual, it doesn't get brought up again for a few months.
- I get the courage to bring it up again, we talk for hours about the idea, tings look good.
- He very suddenly changes his mind, and decides it won't work between us, with no explanation why.
- It hurts, but i accept it, and we continue talking as usual.
- A couple of months later, i ask him for another chance.
- He sends VERY mixed responses which could be taken as a yes or a no, leaving me VERY confused.
- He agrees to email me a real reply when he's ready, explaining his thoughts, so i'd finally get a conclusive answer.
- His internet 'apparently' goes down at home, so he can't send that reply.
- I wait, and wait, and wait, for OVER THREE MONTHS, with no sign of him, except a couple of texts saying his Internet's still dead.
- I find out that he's actually been lying about the whole thing, that his internet never had gone down, and that he'd basically just run away and blocked me out of his life...
- I email him about it, telling him how i feel (Pretty crushed), but also telling that i forgive him, since he's been too good a friend over the past few years for this to mess things up.
- He replies, admits to everything, and apologizes for it all, explaining his reasons.
- I reassure him that he's forgiven, and even though he's hurt me, a lot, i'm still happy just remaining friends, and i'm prepared to drop the subject, put it all behind me, and just get back to chatting like we always did.
It's been two weeks now, and he's just disappeared again. No response, not even any acknowledgment of my last reply. It seems that he's happy enough just cutting me out of his life completely now.
If that's the case, it's hurting a hell of a lot more than everything else that's happened so far!
We've been friends for years now, we've always gotten along well, he's always been there for me when i've needed someone to talk to (and visa versa).
He's basically been one of my best ever friends, online or offline.
I just don't know what the hell i've done to make him want to drop me so abruptly like he has. One day, we were talking about random crap like we always did. The next, he was lying about his internet dying and doing his best to avoid me for months.
I just feel discarded, unwanted, and generally pretty crushed...
I dunno how many sleepless nights he's caused, i keep spending ages just running through past conversations in my head and trying to figure out what i've done wrong, and by the time i get to sleep it's time for me to wake up again.
The problem is, i still love him, a lot. I just REALLY wish i didn't at the moment.
If he does respond, i am still prepared to let it all go and talk to him again. Over the past few years he's been too good a friend to me for me to hold this against him.
All i want is to just talk to him again, and get back to how things were.
I really miss him.
(Just a side note: I'm just posting this to get things off my chest. I don't want anyone bad mouthing him, he might be putting me through a load of crap but he still doesn't deserve it)
For the most part things are going well, i've settled into my new place nicely now and my house mates are pretty awesome company when they're around. Independent living definitely beats living with my parents so far (I loved living with them too, but the extra sense of freedom here is definitely nice), though money is a biiiig worry at the moment.
Uni is going pretty well so far this semester, though the time table and workload are already a lot more harsh than last year. At the moment i have NINE pretty hefty assignments to do over the next 3 weeks, and the longest break i have between deadlines is 2 days (I have deadlines pretty much every monday, wednesday and friday at the moment), soooo i definitely have my work cut out for me. X_x
Not every thing's too great though, even though things have been going alright i've found myself in a bit of an emotional lull lately.
The cause is a loooong story, but i'll summarize it as best i can:
- I made an awesome friend online.
- After talking to him for about 5 years, I decided i wanted more than friendship.
- I eventually get the courage to tell him how i feel.
- He tells me he returns those feelings.
- We agree to wait a while before trying a relationship, due to a load of crap happening on his side which he needs to sort out first.
- We carry on chatting as usual, it doesn't get brought up again for a few months.
- I get the courage to bring it up again, we talk for hours about the idea, tings look good.
- He very suddenly changes his mind, and decides it won't work between us, with no explanation why.
- It hurts, but i accept it, and we continue talking as usual.
- A couple of months later, i ask him for another chance.
- He sends VERY mixed responses which could be taken as a yes or a no, leaving me VERY confused.
- He agrees to email me a real reply when he's ready, explaining his thoughts, so i'd finally get a conclusive answer.
- His internet 'apparently' goes down at home, so he can't send that reply.
- I wait, and wait, and wait, for OVER THREE MONTHS, with no sign of him, except a couple of texts saying his Internet's still dead.
- I find out that he's actually been lying about the whole thing, that his internet never had gone down, and that he'd basically just run away and blocked me out of his life...
- I email him about it, telling him how i feel (Pretty crushed), but also telling that i forgive him, since he's been too good a friend over the past few years for this to mess things up.
- He replies, admits to everything, and apologizes for it all, explaining his reasons.
- I reassure him that he's forgiven, and even though he's hurt me, a lot, i'm still happy just remaining friends, and i'm prepared to drop the subject, put it all behind me, and just get back to chatting like we always did.
It's been two weeks now, and he's just disappeared again. No response, not even any acknowledgment of my last reply. It seems that he's happy enough just cutting me out of his life completely now.
If that's the case, it's hurting a hell of a lot more than everything else that's happened so far!
We've been friends for years now, we've always gotten along well, he's always been there for me when i've needed someone to talk to (and visa versa).
He's basically been one of my best ever friends, online or offline.
I just don't know what the hell i've done to make him want to drop me so abruptly like he has. One day, we were talking about random crap like we always did. The next, he was lying about his internet dying and doing his best to avoid me for months.
I just feel discarded, unwanted, and generally pretty crushed...
I dunno how many sleepless nights he's caused, i keep spending ages just running through past conversations in my head and trying to figure out what i've done wrong, and by the time i get to sleep it's time for me to wake up again.
The problem is, i still love him, a lot. I just REALLY wish i didn't at the moment.
If he does respond, i am still prepared to let it all go and talk to him again. Over the past few years he's been too good a friend to me for me to hold this against him.
All i want is to just talk to him again, and get back to how things were.
I really miss him.
(Just a side note: I'm just posting this to get things off my chest. I don't want anyone bad mouthing him, he might be putting me through a load of crap but he still doesn't deserve it)