I just can't seem to get enough, I'm addicted to these butterflies, addicted to those lips
Last night was the grand finale of steve's 4-day party.
Shit was crazy!
damn fine night though.
Lots of dancing, breaking things, BEING DROPPED HEAD FIRST ONTO CONCRETE, an attempt at another game of spin the bottle, very large amounts of alcohol, being way too loud, falling over...
Got a nice 5am phone call from a san diego beach just so I could hear the sound of the ocean. :]
I'm all out of sorts today.
Days of party will do that to you.
I think I'm over getting embarrassed though. Its just not really worth it.
It's nice having today to do nothing.
I need a bit of a break.
Too much has been going on the past month or so.
Reading some older writings has helped. Just realizing how well my life is actually going right now. I mean, there are things- but it's not unbearable. I'm doing quite well.
I laugh often, am almost always smiling, have incredible people to spend time with, eyes that drive me absolutely crazy and smiles that fill me, things to do everynight- So many things to fall in love with and enjoy.
Or maybe I'm just doing it all to keep from going mad.
Maybe I know if I stop, I'll find all the things that make me unhappy and anxious... I'll remember all those things I haven't done... I'll feel all those pieces of my heart that are out of reach...
Maybe I'm just too scared to stop.
Scared that those things will consume me, kick my ass and leave me small and broken.
It's hard too, when I've been getting so many opportunities thrown at me... Texas, San Diego... It would be so easy. Feel so good.
I guess I shouldn't worry about it. Just keep on going and see where things go.
There's just so much lately to care about. (and I dont really feel like I've been doing the best job at that.)
I always get scared, when people want a bit of space, that they're just going to slowly drift away. Slowly let the feelings change and leave me behind. It's the worst feeling in the world. Friends mean too much to me. Have too much of my heart. I'm trying to not be scared...
but that feeling is already growing.
Shit was crazy!
damn fine night though.
Lots of dancing, breaking things, BEING DROPPED HEAD FIRST ONTO CONCRETE, an attempt at another game of spin the bottle, very large amounts of alcohol, being way too loud, falling over...
Got a nice 5am phone call from a san diego beach just so I could hear the sound of the ocean. :]
I'm all out of sorts today.
Days of party will do that to you.
I think I'm over getting embarrassed though. Its just not really worth it.
It's nice having today to do nothing.
I need a bit of a break.
Too much has been going on the past month or so.
Reading some older writings has helped. Just realizing how well my life is actually going right now. I mean, there are things- but it's not unbearable. I'm doing quite well.
I laugh often, am almost always smiling, have incredible people to spend time with, eyes that drive me absolutely crazy and smiles that fill me, things to do everynight- So many things to fall in love with and enjoy.
Or maybe I'm just doing it all to keep from going mad.
Maybe I know if I stop, I'll find all the things that make me unhappy and anxious... I'll remember all those things I haven't done... I'll feel all those pieces of my heart that are out of reach...
Maybe I'm just too scared to stop.
Scared that those things will consume me, kick my ass and leave me small and broken.
It's hard too, when I've been getting so many opportunities thrown at me... Texas, San Diego... It would be so easy. Feel so good.
I guess I shouldn't worry about it. Just keep on going and see where things go.
There's just so much lately to care about. (and I dont really feel like I've been doing the best job at that.)
I always get scared, when people want a bit of space, that they're just going to slowly drift away. Slowly let the feelings change and leave me behind. It's the worst feeling in the world. Friends mean too much to me. Have too much of my heart. I'm trying to not be scared...
but that feeling is already growing.