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Hi, new flisters! Um, I'm posting fic. I don't usually do that. It's very silly.
Title: Fuck Whole Foods
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Pairing: J2
Disclaimer: I disclaim everything.
Word count: 1,453
Summary: Grocery store AU. Jensen is very particular about his fruits and vegetables. Jared is a produce ninja.
A/N: I don't even know. Here's my original plan. This is ridiculous. Prepare for cliche!Jensen and fruit/veg snobbery? Unbeta'd, let me know if you see anything weird.
Jensen hates grocery stores. Really, he does. And this grocery store is just like all the others. He can't believe the crap they're trying to market as FRESH PRODUCE (with unnecessarily bright letters, another thing he hates). Just because his restaurant can afford to buy produce at Whole Foods and other expensive places doesn't mean that he can, so he has to suck it up and buy the old carrots or what they're calling parsley.
Okay, maybe he likes kind of likes being grumpy, too.
But seriously, fruit is important, and the fruit selection here is abysmal. Jensen doesn’t understand it. He came to the store to buy some apples - his mother is coming to visit, he wanted to make her a nice apple tart - but he had to scratch that plan entirely because the whole fucking apple section was one giant bruise. How is he supposed to make anything decent when every single apple, every single kind of apple they have in this generic supermarket, is waxy, bruised, or squishy?
Jensen heaves a sigh and keeps marching down the aisle. Just as he's turning the corner, he nearly crashes into an enormous crate with FRESH STRAWBERRIES emblazoned on the side being pushed by an even more enormous man.
"Whoa, sorry man!" says Crate Man. "Didn’t see you there!"
Jensen mutters something and pushes his cart past until his eye is caught by the contents of the crate. He leans closer and picks up the nearest box, examining it thoroughly. Not to die for by any stretch, but maybe he could turn his apple tart into a strawberry tart.
"Don't knock yourself out there," says Crate Man, smiling at Jensen's scrutiny. "They just came in today, they're nice and fresh."
Jensen purses his lips and puts the box in his cart. "I wouldn't say nice," he retorts, "but they're better than the fucking apples." To his surprise, Crate Man laughs.
"Come on, they aren't that bad! Besides, we’re getting more in tomorrow."
“Is that so?” Jensen asks. His mom does love his apple tarts.
Crate Man just nods and starts whistling cheerfully as he carefully stacks the FRESH STRAWBERRIES.
The next day, Jensen finds himself outside the grocery store again. He eyes the building warily before stepping through the automatic doors into the excessively air conditioned depths. As he heads over to the fruit section, he sees Crate Man restocking the bananas. Crate Man, of course, sees him and straightens up, giving him a huge smile.
“I knew you couldn’t resist the siren call of new apples!” he says, setting down the last of the bananas. “I just brought them out, too, so you’re the first to have at them.”
Jensen’s mouth quirks into a smile against his will as Crate Man proudly displays the selection. Yeah, these apples are a lot better than yesterday’s.
“Well thank you,” Jensen says, pausing to look down at the nametag on Crate Man’s bright supermarket shirt, “Jared.”
“My pleasure,” Jared responds, blushing slightly, and he sets off to straighten the melons as Jensen carefully picks out his apples.
Jared is completely surprised two hours later when he sees that Mr. Stupidly-Hot-and-Picky has returned and is standing in front of the leeks, looking personally, mortally, cosmically affronted by the selection in front of him.
“Those leeks never did anything to you, you know,” Jared says, sidling up to Mr. SH&P.
“If I have my way, they never will, either,” Mr. SH&P responds, sighing. “One of my busboys threw out all my leeks this morning. Why, I’ll never know, because it’s not like he has anything to do with the leeks. Anyway, I need a dozen before the dinner rush, and Whole Foods only had four,” he says, holding up a bag with the greens sticking out the top. “I can’t take them off the menu, either, these people specifically requested a reservation on potato leek soup night.”
Jared glances down to see the word Morgan’s stitched on the front of Mr. SH&P’s crisp white shirt. Damn, no wonder this guy is so picky, if he’s a cook at Morgan’s, only one of the best restaurants in the city.
“Well, uh, I can take a look in the back to see if we have any more, since you don’t seem to like these.”
“Would you?” Mr. Stupidly-Hot-and-Now-Justifiably-Picky asks, looking up at Jared hopefully.
“Of course! Be right back,” Jared replies before dashing off to the back room. And indeed he is, bearing a box of the vegetables in question before him.
“Ah, bless you!” Mr. SH&NJP says, digging through the box. “These are fantastic. Why aren’t they on the shelf?”
Jared laughs and puts the remaining leeks on display along with their less impressive companions. “Glad to help,” he says. “Um, I never caught your name,” he adds, wincing at the crappy line.
Mr. SH&NJP just turns his head, smirks a little, and says “Jensen.”
That evening, as Jensen makes his famous potato leek soup, he can’t help but notice that, well, those leeks from Whole Foods? They kind of suck. Jared’s, on the other, are surprisingly good. Jensen figures that Jared must be some sort of produce ninja, to come up with these veggies out of nowhere. Jensen starts to ponder this more, but then the dinner rush starts and he has no time to think of anything but food that’s right in front of him, let alone far away in the care of a tall, smiley shelf-stocker.
Over the next few weeks, Jared’s activities only seem to fuel Jensen’s theory that Jared is a produce deity of some kind. He always knows when Jensen is coming in, even if Jensen wasn’t planning on stopping by, and has always just finished putting something new on the shelf, something Jensen hadn’t been thinking about before he stepped in the store, but suddenly can’t leave the store without. One week it was bell peppers, the next week it was honeydew. Jensen doesn’t even like honeydew all that much (cantaloupe is much better, in his opinion), but Jared is standing proudly by the display, telling Jensen all about this shipment and how he has just finished putting them on the shelf, and Jensen can’t help but take one.
Okay, maybe it helps that Jared is the one pointing the food out to him. Jensen, well, Jensen has kind of developed a soft spot for the guy. Or something. He’s not crushing, he doesn’t do that, but, uh, yeah. Jared sells really good fruit and vegetables, which is why Jensen likes him. Platonically.
Oh fuck it, he’s got an enormous crush.
The day after admitting to himself that maybe he might possibly want to hang out with Jared outside the grocery store (or, you know, fuck him silly), Jensen goes back to the store. He’s nervous, there’s no other word for it. His mouth is dry, his hands are a little sweaty, and he feels really out of place. Jared’s not in the produce department, either, so Jensen’s at a loss and just hovers awkwardly by the onions. He could be there for legitimate reasons, okay? Onions involve lots of important choices. Or something.
Fortunately, Jared shows up soon after Jensen starts reading the onion fact sheet. He appears at Jensen’s side and greets him with a blinding grin, as usual.
“Jensen, hey!” he says. “I’m glad you’re here, I’ve got something for you.” Before Jensen can say anything, Jared grabs his arm and takes him back to the store room. “We just got these in,” Jared is saying, opening up a box of grapefruit. “You won’t believe how they taste. I bet you never thought grapefruit could be this good!” he exclaims, holding one out to Jensen.
“Fuck grapefruit,” Jensen says, snatching the offending fruit out of Jared’s hands and kissing him full on the mouth. Jared makes a surprised noise, but quickly gets with the program. After a few moments, though, he pulls back and starts laughing.
“Oh man, thank God. I’ve been looking for the best produce for weeks, Jensen. It was getting difficult to find good stuff, and I know how picky you are.”
“I’m not picky,” Jensen mutters, “I just have high standards.” Jared laughs more, and Jensen nudges him with an elbow. “So, um, can I invite you over for some grapefruit sometime?”
“Really?” Jared asks. “You have an entire restaurant at your disposal and you ask me out on a grapefruit date?”
“You said they were delicious,” Jensen retorts, and Jared has no other choice but to shut him up with his mouth.
For the record, as Jared and Jensen confirmed the next morning in Jensen’s well-stocked kitchen, the grapefruit was indeed very delicious.
Title: Fuck Whole Foods
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Pairing: J2
Disclaimer: I disclaim everything.
Word count: 1,453
Summary: Grocery store AU. Jensen is very particular about his fruits and vegetables. Jared is a produce ninja.
A/N: I don't even know. Here's my original plan. This is ridiculous. Prepare for cliche!Jensen and fruit/veg snobbery? Unbeta'd, let me know if you see anything weird.
Jensen hates grocery stores. Really, he does. And this grocery store is just like all the others. He can't believe the crap they're trying to market as FRESH PRODUCE (with unnecessarily bright letters, another thing he hates). Just because his restaurant can afford to buy produce at Whole Foods and other expensive places doesn't mean that he can, so he has to suck it up and buy the old carrots or what they're calling parsley.
Okay, maybe he likes kind of likes being grumpy, too.
But seriously, fruit is important, and the fruit selection here is abysmal. Jensen doesn’t understand it. He came to the store to buy some apples - his mother is coming to visit, he wanted to make her a nice apple tart - but he had to scratch that plan entirely because the whole fucking apple section was one giant bruise. How is he supposed to make anything decent when every single apple, every single kind of apple they have in this generic supermarket, is waxy, bruised, or squishy?
Jensen heaves a sigh and keeps marching down the aisle. Just as he's turning the corner, he nearly crashes into an enormous crate with FRESH STRAWBERRIES emblazoned on the side being pushed by an even more enormous man.
"Whoa, sorry man!" says Crate Man. "Didn’t see you there!"
Jensen mutters something and pushes his cart past until his eye is caught by the contents of the crate. He leans closer and picks up the nearest box, examining it thoroughly. Not to die for by any stretch, but maybe he could turn his apple tart into a strawberry tart.
"Don't knock yourself out there," says Crate Man, smiling at Jensen's scrutiny. "They just came in today, they're nice and fresh."
Jensen purses his lips and puts the box in his cart. "I wouldn't say nice," he retorts, "but they're better than the fucking apples." To his surprise, Crate Man laughs.
"Come on, they aren't that bad! Besides, we’re getting more in tomorrow."
“Is that so?” Jensen asks. His mom does love his apple tarts.
Crate Man just nods and starts whistling cheerfully as he carefully stacks the FRESH STRAWBERRIES.
The next day, Jensen finds himself outside the grocery store again. He eyes the building warily before stepping through the automatic doors into the excessively air conditioned depths. As he heads over to the fruit section, he sees Crate Man restocking the bananas. Crate Man, of course, sees him and straightens up, giving him a huge smile.
“I knew you couldn’t resist the siren call of new apples!” he says, setting down the last of the bananas. “I just brought them out, too, so you’re the first to have at them.”
Jensen’s mouth quirks into a smile against his will as Crate Man proudly displays the selection. Yeah, these apples are a lot better than yesterday’s.
“Well thank you,” Jensen says, pausing to look down at the nametag on Crate Man’s bright supermarket shirt, “Jared.”
“My pleasure,” Jared responds, blushing slightly, and he sets off to straighten the melons as Jensen carefully picks out his apples.
Jared is completely surprised two hours later when he sees that Mr. Stupidly-Hot-and-Picky has returned and is standing in front of the leeks, looking personally, mortally, cosmically affronted by the selection in front of him.
“Those leeks never did anything to you, you know,” Jared says, sidling up to Mr. SH&P.
“If I have my way, they never will, either,” Mr. SH&P responds, sighing. “One of my busboys threw out all my leeks this morning. Why, I’ll never know, because it’s not like he has anything to do with the leeks. Anyway, I need a dozen before the dinner rush, and Whole Foods only had four,” he says, holding up a bag with the greens sticking out the top. “I can’t take them off the menu, either, these people specifically requested a reservation on potato leek soup night.”
Jared glances down to see the word Morgan’s stitched on the front of Mr. SH&P’s crisp white shirt. Damn, no wonder this guy is so picky, if he’s a cook at Morgan’s, only one of the best restaurants in the city.
“Well, uh, I can take a look in the back to see if we have any more, since you don’t seem to like these.”
“Would you?” Mr. Stupidly-Hot-and-Now-Justifiably-Picky asks, looking up at Jared hopefully.
“Of course! Be right back,” Jared replies before dashing off to the back room. And indeed he is, bearing a box of the vegetables in question before him.
“Ah, bless you!” Mr. SH&NJP says, digging through the box. “These are fantastic. Why aren’t they on the shelf?”
Jared laughs and puts the remaining leeks on display along with their less impressive companions. “Glad to help,” he says. “Um, I never caught your name,” he adds, wincing at the crappy line.
Mr. SH&NJP just turns his head, smirks a little, and says “Jensen.”
That evening, as Jensen makes his famous potato leek soup, he can’t help but notice that, well, those leeks from Whole Foods? They kind of suck. Jared’s, on the other, are surprisingly good. Jensen figures that Jared must be some sort of produce ninja, to come up with these veggies out of nowhere. Jensen starts to ponder this more, but then the dinner rush starts and he has no time to think of anything but food that’s right in front of him, let alone far away in the care of a tall, smiley shelf-stocker.
Over the next few weeks, Jared’s activities only seem to fuel Jensen’s theory that Jared is a produce deity of some kind. He always knows when Jensen is coming in, even if Jensen wasn’t planning on stopping by, and has always just finished putting something new on the shelf, something Jensen hadn’t been thinking about before he stepped in the store, but suddenly can’t leave the store without. One week it was bell peppers, the next week it was honeydew. Jensen doesn’t even like honeydew all that much (cantaloupe is much better, in his opinion), but Jared is standing proudly by the display, telling Jensen all about this shipment and how he has just finished putting them on the shelf, and Jensen can’t help but take one.
Okay, maybe it helps that Jared is the one pointing the food out to him. Jensen, well, Jensen has kind of developed a soft spot for the guy. Or something. He’s not crushing, he doesn’t do that, but, uh, yeah. Jared sells really good fruit and vegetables, which is why Jensen likes him. Platonically.
Oh fuck it, he’s got an enormous crush.
The day after admitting to himself that maybe he might possibly want to hang out with Jared outside the grocery store (or, you know, fuck him silly), Jensen goes back to the store. He’s nervous, there’s no other word for it. His mouth is dry, his hands are a little sweaty, and he feels really out of place. Jared’s not in the produce department, either, so Jensen’s at a loss and just hovers awkwardly by the onions. He could be there for legitimate reasons, okay? Onions involve lots of important choices. Or something.
Fortunately, Jared shows up soon after Jensen starts reading the onion fact sheet. He appears at Jensen’s side and greets him with a blinding grin, as usual.
“Jensen, hey!” he says. “I’m glad you’re here, I’ve got something for you.” Before Jensen can say anything, Jared grabs his arm and takes him back to the store room. “We just got these in,” Jared is saying, opening up a box of grapefruit. “You won’t believe how they taste. I bet you never thought grapefruit could be this good!” he exclaims, holding one out to Jensen.
“Fuck grapefruit,” Jensen says, snatching the offending fruit out of Jared’s hands and kissing him full on the mouth. Jared makes a surprised noise, but quickly gets with the program. After a few moments, though, he pulls back and starts laughing.
“Oh man, thank God. I’ve been looking for the best produce for weeks, Jensen. It was getting difficult to find good stuff, and I know how picky you are.”
“I’m not picky,” Jensen mutters, “I just have high standards.” Jared laughs more, and Jensen nudges him with an elbow. “So, um, can I invite you over for some grapefruit sometime?”
“Really?” Jared asks. “You have an entire restaurant at your disposal and you ask me out on a grapefruit date?”
“You said they were delicious,” Jensen retorts, and Jared has no other choice but to shut him up with his mouth.
For the record, as Jared and Jensen confirmed the next morning in Jensen’s well-stocked kitchen, the grapefruit was indeed very delicious.