(no subject)
I've come across a situation with which I'm really struggling & would really some feedback on. The good, the bad & the ugly - I need whatever comments folks want to throw out there.
I'm curious if you've have gone through this ... if so, how did you handle it. Even if you haven't gone through it personally, just send over uncensored thoughts after reading. You know when you feel like you can't see the forest for the trees & you just need a little perspective - that's exactly how I feel.
I've been dating a great man now for 3 years. We've been engaged for 1 year - no date yet for getting married. We get along really well. We've lived for about a year so inevitably there is some distance between us from time to time but nothing that seems out of the ordinary. We argue some, but again, nothing major. Our sex life is dull but we've both talked about it & have been relatively ok with it. We are best friends.
Several weeks ago, I met a woman who, I discovered during the course of the evening, was interested in me. Since then, we've talked through email, talked on the phone & seen each other a few times in person.
At this point, I think about her a a lot. I want to spend more time with her and my biggest concern is that, by doing so, feelings will develop - if they haven't already.
I do love the man that I'm with - but I find myself really wanting to see more of this woman and not just on a platonic level. The good news is that I've been honest with the man I'm engaged to. I told him when I met her & how I felt about it. I've described the situation as I've told you here.
He & I agreed last week to "open" our relationship. We defined "open" to mean that both of us can go out on dates with other people and have physical relations with them. We agreed that we must be honest with each other when asked specifically about the topic but otherwise, disclosure was not required.
I've also been honest with her as well. I told her about the agreement between my fiance & I on Saturday night. Her response so far has been that she wants to have me in her life in some manner & realizes she needs to be flexible given my situation however, she's concerned about where this leads. In other words, down the line when we have a bunch of feelings for each other, what happens? (a very valid point)
I've had an increasing amount of anxiety about this issue this week. I talked again to my fiance about it last night. While I know it must be hard for him to listen to, it's the truth of what I'm going through & it seems like it needs to be an open discussion. I told him I'm afraid that each time I see her I will develop more & more feelings for her but that, since I haven't seen her much yet, I don't know for sure. I said I wanted to take her to dinner to find out more about the situation - I want to find out whether I will continue to develop feelings & want to see her more or whether this will all just die down. His response was that, per our agreement, I can take her to dinner so rather than worry too much about it now, just do that. I'm taking her to dinner tonight.
I've been attracted to both men & women now for years but I've always dated men. I've hooked up with women before but it's always been either late night at a club or a very private situation - never a public relationship.
I want to be honest with you too, reader. I have a history of getting several years into a relationship, meeting someone new & wanting to explore things with them (perhaps you could say a possible inability to keep a long-term commitment). I can't tell whether this situation is a "commitment" issue on my behalf or whether I've always wanted to see what it was like to date a woman & never looked for or was presented with an opportunity to try. I think it is likely some of both.
The bottom line is that, regardless of who your partner is, someone will always come along that peaks your interest and, at some point, you have to just say with certainty that you've chosen someone & are no longer open for exploration. On the flip side, when I spend time with her, it
I've probably talked too much already but just wanted to get that out there. Any thoughts, feelings, comments you have while reading - I'd really like to hear them.