life is a street with a big hole in front of us
last night was great, i dident hang out with chad at all. i was with beckey at her friend darwins house downtown, it was fuckin awesome. we were chillin in darwins friends apparment whos is down stairs from him ( they live in a charleston single house ). we were just listing to great music and we did some snow. the guy aj, whos house we were in was so damn hot and really sweet, he is 21 i think, adn darwin is 26 or 27. people stoped in and came and left all ngiht, but this cool guys charles came and stayed lol, he was really cool to, we talked a lot. im a little mad at myself because i spent a ton of money last night, about $170. i did snow and drake about 2 barcidi silvers, i was greeeat. i got home around 3am and my dad dident even really give he a hard time, he just said that i shouldent make a habit of coming home at 3am every night. my heat was pounding opening my door that late, all the other tiems i had i was in the shit. i met some really cool people last night, they are all in college and very chill. gotta love new friends.
today i worked in the yard with my dad, it was nice, i like getting that kinda stuff done. i hung out with john for a few hrs, we just chilled at his house and did a gram. we were laying on his bed and he was holding me. it felt so good. his hands started roaming and he started kissing my neck. i was cool with that and we started kissing, it felt so nice to kiss him. he started to go um, below the belt and i knew where it was all going so i had to say somthing. i told him that i couldent have sex with him, when he asked me why it took me forver to find my words. im so bad with words. and i ended up with somthing like this. " your into or getting over this girl that you were dealing with last weekend. and i usely save that for when i really with someone, like in a relationship with, or someone im very close to, i dont want to be some girl thats a frined that you fucked". he looked me right in the eye and said that he was cool with that and he understood, he also said that he wasnt into another girl. we just joked around and layed togeather for a while. and i had to hed home a little later because he has to spend the rest of the weekend at his dads house in summerville.i have to say that i love how john looks me right in the eye when i talk to him. i love the way it feels when we lay togeather. but i have no idea how he feels about me, i dont know if he has stronger feelings for me more than friends. i dotn know if i have feelings for him more than friends. all i know is that i want more of him.
tonight i layed on the grass while i smoked and looked at the stars and moon and hte dark clouds unrevealing them. its so beautful. all of a sudden i feel very confused about somthing but i dont know what it is, and i have a tight feeling in my stomach. i feel strange, like i havent sleped in days but im wide awake. maybe i just did a little to much snow in the past to days and its just in me. hell if i know. i feel like i want to be by myself, but never alone.
today i worked in the yard with my dad, it was nice, i like getting that kinda stuff done. i hung out with john for a few hrs, we just chilled at his house and did a gram. we were laying on his bed and he was holding me. it felt so good. his hands started roaming and he started kissing my neck. i was cool with that and we started kissing, it felt so nice to kiss him. he started to go um, below the belt and i knew where it was all going so i had to say somthing. i told him that i couldent have sex with him, when he asked me why it took me forver to find my words. im so bad with words. and i ended up with somthing like this. " your into or getting over this girl that you were dealing with last weekend. and i usely save that for when i really with someone, like in a relationship with, or someone im very close to, i dont want to be some girl thats a frined that you fucked". he looked me right in the eye and said that he was cool with that and he understood, he also said that he wasnt into another girl. we just joked around and layed togeather for a while. and i had to hed home a little later because he has to spend the rest of the weekend at his dads house in summerville.i have to say that i love how john looks me right in the eye when i talk to him. i love the way it feels when we lay togeather. but i have no idea how he feels about me, i dont know if he has stronger feelings for me more than friends. i dotn know if i have feelings for him more than friends. all i know is that i want more of him.
tonight i layed on the grass while i smoked and looked at the stars and moon and hte dark clouds unrevealing them. its so beautful. all of a sudden i feel very confused about somthing but i dont know what it is, and i have a tight feeling in my stomach. i feel strange, like i havent sleped in days but im wide awake. maybe i just did a little to much snow in the past to days and its just in me. hell if i know. i feel like i want to be by myself, but never alone.