(no subject)
hey everybody-- no, i havent disappeared off the face of the earth, just been busy watching tv and going to class... but changing that now, and the notes make more sense when you take the time to read the books! hahaha, oh well... havent been up to much lately, havent been at my parents house since... what is it, memorial day? no thats not right, uhhhh OH YEAH! Labor day... lol haha. sometimes i get those mixed up...
its weird because i can remember everyones face in my family, but cant remember my baby sisters face... i keep meshing everyone elses baby pictures on her face and saying, no thats not right... i dotn know... its so hard to believe that shes gonna be a year old already... unbelievable. i think the next time ill be home is for her birthday party next month, but i might go back sooner... kinda hard to when you dont got wheels yet, even harder to try and find work. you wont believe how many people about run ya over on the west side... but its better than them yelling at you to get on the sidewalk when there is none like they do on the east side... even my bike doesnt help much, maybe 10 mins time saving, but thats not much really. unless im really out of shape like that, but i dont wanna be so pessimistic :)
my classes are pretty easy, nothing to sweat too much about just yet. but i do have a psyc exam on thursday, and it seems like i have a history project due every week too... i kinda hate that, but its better being in school than in a real job, the whole time i was working at the salon, i was so grateful that i went thru with going to college, because i wanted more than anything to go back to school after feeling totally useless in a deadend job. i kinda feel like i got a hand up, but a push back down. salons dont want to work around school schedules, they figure if you are there, its because you've already decided your career. well i havent! i want to be educated in at least a couple of things first before i decide to make any life rendering decisions.
i have been watching things that i didnt know exsisted, like dave chappelle and mind of mencia. southpark i had been watching, but now i get to see it more often, which is awesome. i was up til 3 last night and something weird happened... i looked at my cell and it said 2:56 am... next time i looked at it, it said 12:03 am... i checked the date too, which said Monday... so i had to go in and hand fix it since stupid auto time and date update was obviously freaking out... dont me if im being chatty, i just feel like i havent let it all out in a good long while...
hopefully mom and dad will get it together so that they can file taxes and i can get my loans and shit thru, and finally get my laptop. im hoping they wont stall too much longer, seeing as how i gotta schedule for classes in november... they make me mad sometimes, seriously... i feel more adult than they are half the time! but im so glad im even in the dorms, to get away from them... you can only be around someone for so long without feeling psycho around them...
i was just remembering today about how i had had a dream about mom having diabetes when she was pregnant last year, and then not being surprized when she told me. i dotn think she has diabetes anymore, i think that was just pregnant diabetes, which is totally different. so you can imagine my surprize when i had a dream about my parents dying in a car crash and me having to take care of the household... it still scares me somewhat, because i hope to God that it never happens. i have had some pretty messed up dreams, all of which i hope never happen, but some i think happened more figuratively than literally.
my intution has been coming and going lately... for a while, it was with me everyday and i would get things like a picture, lets say, a pencil rolling on the floor and you feel down. you dont even think about it until that moment happens, which could be now, later or anytime, but it often happens and you only remember it when it happens. for the first time in a long time, i just feel pretty blank about everything. nothing exciting yet... except being overdrawn because i had to bounce a check to get my books for my classes, which is partly my parents fault, since they put me in this mess. but i dont wanna get pissed, im in pretty much a good mood right now, and i dont wanna break it...
i have tried to stop talking to my gay friend danni over the last week. even though we have been friends for 2 yrs, we have nothing in common anymore and hes a criminal. he cant stay out of trouble and hes got to learn how to. im afraid to even hang out with him since he could get me in trouble with him. i dont want to get into trouble. and apparently, im not the only one... last week he tried to have a party, and nobody showed up. out of all the people he knows, NOBODY SHOWED UP?! that kinda says something. i told him i couldnt come because i didnt have a ride (when really, i didnt want to go to pricehill, which is understandable...) and he was telling me, take the bus. just get here or your not my friend. i said, i dotn have any money (which i do have a couple of dollars, but thats not the point). he said, go borrow money, go beg money. i said, i dont know anyone here! he said, so?..... ugh... so i when he called me last week and was drunk at 2 in the afternoon, i said, enough. i cant take this DRAMA anymore. today he kept trying to talk to me, but im done. GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER, THEN WE"LL TALK. i feel bad, but oh well, its for his own good. hes got to know when to say enough.
ive had enough cuz of whats been done
im at the end of my run, does it sound like fun?
alright, so im not angel, but do you wanna tangle
with this badass chick, from under the sun?
^one of my early song writings, still hangs around from time to time. somehow, im never done when im done writing a song... and its weird, its like ill start singing some song off of the radio and my own songs just take over and thats how they come. i have no control over my song writing, dispite what other people think... well, this entry is really long, but its nice to get it all out and over with, and i feel like my therapy session should come to an end... well, i gues i kinda made up for the last 20 entries that were so short! ugh... well if you seriously read my rant, let me know! lol ill give ya something for caring so much... Laura