Take it Or Leave it.
I have to say for the first time in almost two years I want to be home. I want to be some place where I knew I was invisable from day one. Where I could hide, pretend to be shy and likenothing way hurting me but under it all everything hurt. It suddenly feels like all the people I call friends here, they have all vanished. They no longer exist or if they do, I am invisible to them. I can count many times I have helped people through hard times, and I am trying to figure out the last time someone just spent time with me because I need someone to spend time with. Yes, I can remember once. But soon after that, I was suddenly ditched, worked into a calander. And soon, nothing. What exactly does that make me? Apparently, not a lot. But It seems like that is any place I go. For four years I felt that way, then I moved, hopeing for a change, hoping to find where I belong, where I feel like me, and I feel the same things I felt for those four years. I don't know what to do. I am tired of feeling as if you I am unwanted or anything of that nature. But that is how you are making me feel.
Things happen, so I suppose.
..... On other notes... Ive needed to say this to someone for a while, so I will say it here:
If you are going to be in my life, I need you to be in it. Not when you feel like it, but completely. Not when it is easy for you to fit into your schedule, but all the time. It means calling me back, talking to me, and so forth. You can't partly be in my life when you feel like you need to talk to me, or feel like you can be bothered with me. Its an all or nothing kind of thing. Hopefuly I can talk to you and let you know of this, because I'm sick of ripping myself apart waiting for the phone. Seirously, it's not hard. You say I string you along, I hate to tell you but you are the one doing to stringing. I haven't gone anywhere. You are the one who pops in and out of life as you please.
-Me.
Things happen, so I suppose.
..... On other notes... Ive needed to say this to someone for a while, so I will say it here:
If you are going to be in my life, I need you to be in it. Not when you feel like it, but completely. Not when it is easy for you to fit into your schedule, but all the time. It means calling me back, talking to me, and so forth. You can't partly be in my life when you feel like you need to talk to me, or feel like you can be bothered with me. Its an all or nothing kind of thing. Hopefuly I can talk to you and let you know of this, because I'm sick of ripping myself apart waiting for the phone. Seirously, it's not hard. You say I string you along, I hate to tell you but you are the one doing to stringing. I haven't gone anywhere. You are the one who pops in and out of life as you please.
-Me.