happy
i am happy. a lot of things are scaring me right now, but it's not really phasing me too much. whatever happens next friday, i am a survivor.
and i love matt. i finally am ready to start working towards that point that i know luke is not what i thought he was. it's hard to drag a deity down from his pedestal, but i'm ready to start. i was watching the notebook today, because it was on tv, and i love it. and i remember how i used to fantasize an allie/noah situation with luke and i: how matt was the perfect lon but he wasn't noah, and thought it wasn't his fault, he just couldn't be that "one.''
not only is the notebook only going to happen in the movies, but luke couldn't be noah. he would never build my dream house or a room for me to paint in (not that i love to paint, i'm just sticking to the story here), because he never cared to ask what i love in life, what my dreams are. really, luke doesn't know me. i don't think he ever cared to pay attention, despite all of those things he said to me.
i put too much pressure on matt to complete me. it's not his job, it's mine. and even if i cannot accomplish the task (who can?), i have wonderful friends that do. who made up that rule that you were supposed to fall in love with someone who would lift the world for you? isn't the fact that matt's love is 99% unconditional and i adore him enough? i can say anything i want to around him and he loves me all the more for it. i really am lucky. and unafraid with him.
i am used to thriving on the fear of losing someone, and i'm not sure if i'm mature enough to let go of that fetish, but i don't long for anyone else's arms right now. and i wish more than many things that matt and i can be together for a long while.
he's a splendid man.
ocean
i am from the ocean let the tide come and take you away
frozen ancient memories are painted over gray
high above the maple trees you're soaring on a gentle breeze
the grass that grows beneath your feet gets longer every day*
*matt
and i love matt. i finally am ready to start working towards that point that i know luke is not what i thought he was. it's hard to drag a deity down from his pedestal, but i'm ready to start. i was watching the notebook today, because it was on tv, and i love it. and i remember how i used to fantasize an allie/noah situation with luke and i: how matt was the perfect lon but he wasn't noah, and thought it wasn't his fault, he just couldn't be that "one.''
not only is the notebook only going to happen in the movies, but luke couldn't be noah. he would never build my dream house or a room for me to paint in (not that i love to paint, i'm just sticking to the story here), because he never cared to ask what i love in life, what my dreams are. really, luke doesn't know me. i don't think he ever cared to pay attention, despite all of those things he said to me.
i put too much pressure on matt to complete me. it's not his job, it's mine. and even if i cannot accomplish the task (who can?), i have wonderful friends that do. who made up that rule that you were supposed to fall in love with someone who would lift the world for you? isn't the fact that matt's love is 99% unconditional and i adore him enough? i can say anything i want to around him and he loves me all the more for it. i really am lucky. and unafraid with him.
i am used to thriving on the fear of losing someone, and i'm not sure if i'm mature enough to let go of that fetish, but i don't long for anyone else's arms right now. and i wish more than many things that matt and i can be together for a long while.
he's a splendid man.
ocean
i am from the ocean let the tide come and take you away
frozen ancient memories are painted over gray
high above the maple trees you're soaring on a gentle breeze
the grass that grows beneath your feet gets longer every day*
*matt