(no subject)
im not really happy with myself lately.. i think ive sorta gotten into a rut or something i dunno.. not really depressed about anything just not satisfied. i need to change myself i just dont feel like a good person or friend anymore.. im working on it though.. god knows that i only have a few people left that are on my side and if i lose them too than im just fucked. vacation to orlando for a week was good but i had it out with marilyn one of the last days.. she gets upset when i dont talk much deeply anymore and i can understand where shes coming from.. i dont know what excuse to blame that on i just need to fix things.. it kills me inside to know that she thinks i act like im better than her or smarter.. neither which are true. what kind of person have i become? shes like the single person that means the most to me.. i need to start telling her personal things and my problems because as much as i try to deal with them myself sometimes i just cant and my behavior comes off the wrong way.. i need her right now more than anything, when the world is against me shes there to slap them all in the face and i love her for it.. for her generosity, kindness, selflessness.. no other person has done that for me.. it seems as time passes more friendships are ruined and i dont know how to stop it.. i try to move on but my heart still aches knowing that i could have given them another chance or done something better or not have done something stupid.. oh well.. no regrets it just wasnt meant to be