Light a room when you walk in
I had news, remember? I think about last week. I keep thinking about visiting Moses and Heaven on our road trip back to New York again, and taking a walk with Heaven around that nice little, none-too-fancy neighborhood and having some woman-to-woman bonding time. Asking if I could kiss her again, and talking her into it, to get to the best part of the whole evening, which was her total bafflement and the way she shook her head after I kissed her and said, "You're weird, Tori." Gods, she cracks me up. Why didn't I ever see how wonderful she was before?
She says she and Moses never fight. She says they fight about 'stupid stuff', but when I pressed her for details, she just said that it was usually because Moses wanted to talk about something and she wanted to ignore it, but Moses was usually right and it didn't take her long to realize it. They've been married almost a year. When I asked how they got that house, she just said Moses looked for some stuff on the internet, signed the lease, and they moved in. They're both fine with it. I guess they're compatible because Moses knows how to handle stuff and Heaven is absolutely content to let him handle it. They're playing out the father-child role, which seems to suit them, as far as I can tell, but which could never suit me. As much as I envy the ease with which they seem to handle conflict, or the apparent lack of confict, period, I could *never* bring myself to just agree with Blaine or let him handle things in order to keep the relationship smooth. Let's not count the fact that I married him, OK?
Because Blaine *would*. He would handle everything, he would take it all into his hands and take me along for the ride, he has all the connections and he knows what he wants and all he really wants for me is for me to be right there with him, and if I'm complacent or if I'm kicking and screaming, it doesn't make that big of a difference, because at least I'm there. But I'm not going to do that, go along to get along. I'm going to kick and scream. I have an opinion. We're building OUR life, not his life. So we fight about this. We fight about this and we fight about other things. We made a fort to sleep in in Heaven and Moses's livingroom, and when I got cozy with him and said, "We should just live in a fort," we spurred the fight *again*.
But, despite all that, I know I don't want what Heaven and Moses have. I know our disagreements are just a way that we communicate with each other, and we're Blaine and Tori, and I'd much rather be Blaine and Tori than Heaven and Moses anyday, no matter how much easier it is to be them. Our relationship has an intensity and a newness and a passion that theirs will never have. And that makes it worth it, the feeling of never being able to see eye to eye or bridge those gaps or find common ground, it's worth it.
But, now we're in New York, and we're still fighting about it. The same fight, a brand new hotel room to fight in. And we're really not in any hurry to resolve this argument, because it's kind of essential that we argue now, and when we quit argueing, we'll know we've found the place where we're going to live. We haven't found anyplace yet. Blaine was convinced that as soon as we started "looking" we'd magically come across something that we both wanted. There are some houses that completely charm me, but that I know Blaine will reject before we even get out the door--then there are others I like ever-so-tentatively, thinking they've got just enough class or history to also reel him in, only to find him make some nitpicky remark or follow up my enthusiasm with a, "But I wouldn't want to live somewhere with . . ."
Argh!
I'm absolutely amazed that we actually named our first child. Refresh my memory. *Do* we have anything in common?
She says she and Moses never fight. She says they fight about 'stupid stuff', but when I pressed her for details, she just said that it was usually because Moses wanted to talk about something and she wanted to ignore it, but Moses was usually right and it didn't take her long to realize it. They've been married almost a year. When I asked how they got that house, she just said Moses looked for some stuff on the internet, signed the lease, and they moved in. They're both fine with it. I guess they're compatible because Moses knows how to handle stuff and Heaven is absolutely content to let him handle it. They're playing out the father-child role, which seems to suit them, as far as I can tell, but which could never suit me. As much as I envy the ease with which they seem to handle conflict, or the apparent lack of confict, period, I could *never* bring myself to just agree with Blaine or let him handle things in order to keep the relationship smooth. Let's not count the fact that I married him, OK?
Because Blaine *would*. He would handle everything, he would take it all into his hands and take me along for the ride, he has all the connections and he knows what he wants and all he really wants for me is for me to be right there with him, and if I'm complacent or if I'm kicking and screaming, it doesn't make that big of a difference, because at least I'm there. But I'm not going to do that, go along to get along. I'm going to kick and scream. I have an opinion. We're building OUR life, not his life. So we fight about this. We fight about this and we fight about other things. We made a fort to sleep in in Heaven and Moses's livingroom, and when I got cozy with him and said, "We should just live in a fort," we spurred the fight *again*.
But, despite all that, I know I don't want what Heaven and Moses have. I know our disagreements are just a way that we communicate with each other, and we're Blaine and Tori, and I'd much rather be Blaine and Tori than Heaven and Moses anyday, no matter how much easier it is to be them. Our relationship has an intensity and a newness and a passion that theirs will never have. And that makes it worth it, the feeling of never being able to see eye to eye or bridge those gaps or find common ground, it's worth it.
But, now we're in New York, and we're still fighting about it. The same fight, a brand new hotel room to fight in. And we're really not in any hurry to resolve this argument, because it's kind of essential that we argue now, and when we quit argueing, we'll know we've found the place where we're going to live. We haven't found anyplace yet. Blaine was convinced that as soon as we started "looking" we'd magically come across something that we both wanted. There are some houses that completely charm me, but that I know Blaine will reject before we even get out the door--then there are others I like ever-so-tentatively, thinking they've got just enough class or history to also reel him in, only to find him make some nitpicky remark or follow up my enthusiasm with a, "But I wouldn't want to live somewhere with . . ."
Argh!
I'm absolutely amazed that we actually named our first child. Refresh my memory. *Do* we have anything in common?