Grogginess
I hate having to adjust to wake up on Saturday mornings. It's such a different world from waking up at 10 a.m. most mornings to waking up at 6:45 a.m. Seems like I'm groggy the whole day when I'm waking up early. Caffeine doesn't help either. I went to McDonald's and got a chicken biscuit on the way to work. Been somewhat busy this morning. Collected $325.00, worked twelve accounts, and now I'm just chilling until it's time to go this afternoon. I saw Kevin's suv over at Mark's when I was coming to work, so I texted him to tell him I saw his car. I guess he's been up all morning sketching over there. He asked if I was going out tonight, and I told him I was planning on it. I don't know how he does it. But it's his life not mine.
Bradley texted me lastnight one time and that was only to say "smooch." We have severe communication problems. And maybe we don't. But I'm pretty sure we do. We don't call each other at all. Texts are limited. It seems easier this way, but I'm not sure how healthy it is. I just know I prefer this more than trying to make him share something about his day each night. I know I'm not always in the mood to talk, especially on the phone, but it would be nice to see more effort, and I guess he would probably say the same thing about me. What can you do? I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and going no where with him, and so I don't want to expend the effort, if I'm not recognized for it. I've basically told myself that I'm not going to put more than I have to into him, when he's not doing the same. I believe relationships are give and take and need to be as close to balanced as possible. I seem him trying some, but then other times I see him almost pushing me away. I feel that he's afraid of true intimacy and closeness. So I withold from saying "I love you"...even though I yearn to tell him and I yearn to hear it from him. Deep down I know we love one another, I just wish he wasn't such a pussy about saying it. I don't want to scare him away. Not that I could, but he doesn't react too well to being told that too often.
I wrote Jon back finally. I figured I better, since I haven't in a while. Wrote him a two-pager. Feel bad that he's locked up for a while, and he's missing out on life as we know it out here. I know he doesn't have it as bad as he could have, but freedom is missed by him greatly. I am sure of that.
toriMODE/ Ron :0)
Bradley texted me lastnight one time and that was only to say "smooch." We have severe communication problems. And maybe we don't. But I'm pretty sure we do. We don't call each other at all. Texts are limited. It seems easier this way, but I'm not sure how healthy it is. I just know I prefer this more than trying to make him share something about his day each night. I know I'm not always in the mood to talk, especially on the phone, but it would be nice to see more effort, and I guess he would probably say the same thing about me. What can you do? I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and going no where with him, and so I don't want to expend the effort, if I'm not recognized for it. I've basically told myself that I'm not going to put more than I have to into him, when he's not doing the same. I believe relationships are give and take and need to be as close to balanced as possible. I seem him trying some, but then other times I see him almost pushing me away. I feel that he's afraid of true intimacy and closeness. So I withold from saying "I love you"...even though I yearn to tell him and I yearn to hear it from him. Deep down I know we love one another, I just wish he wasn't such a pussy about saying it. I don't want to scare him away. Not that I could, but he doesn't react too well to being told that too often.
I wrote Jon back finally. I figured I better, since I haven't in a while. Wrote him a two-pager. Feel bad that he's locked up for a while, and he's missing out on life as we know it out here. I know he doesn't have it as bad as he could have, but freedom is missed by him greatly. I am sure of that.
toriMODE/ Ron :0)