(no subject)
I'm sad but I'm not. I'm happy but I'm not. I'm confused but I know exactly what's happening. All these emotions are raging inside me and I don't know how to get them out. I'm thinking but it's about nothing. I just sit and I think. I don't know why but I feel like I'm losing control. Of not only myself but my surroundings as well. Everything used to be so perfect. The perfect senior year I could have hoped for. Now everything's changing and I don't want to change with it. I'm trying to help all my friends at the same time with all their problems and it's hard to balance everything with my own life. I'll be the first one to admit that committment is one of my biggest fears. The thought of having someone you need to care about forever, or even just a period of time. I just don't want to mess up in their eyes. I'll be all I can be but that's not much of anything. I feel like I make up things but they're true. I feel like more than 50% of the moments of my life are in slow motion and I have the choice to change the outcome but I don't. I need to step up and find what makes me happy again. I need to stop drinking so much and actually concentrate on the things around me. I miss my family. I need to spend more time with them. They do so much for me and in return I lie to them continuously. I'm not a good person. I need a change but I don't.
I wish you were here.
I wish you were here.