oh the endless guilt and frustration
when you are nineteen years old, is it really normal to be unable to come and go as you please, see who you want to see, stay out til you want to come back and do other normal things? like visit friends you havent seen in four or more months? and its not like i can say anything because there is the constant cloud of "dont upset your mother" . i cannot win. when will it be my life? when will i be able to choose what i want and not what makes my parents happy? i'm only allowed to do what i want when it totally coincides with what they want too. i'm exhausted. i hate this situation. it isnt like i'm thirteen and asking to go see shady friends from school. money. money is the only thing that keeps me bound to them. i dont do what they ask, i'll be cut off. i force myself to do what they ask, i'm taken care of. most of the time i just feel like a pathetic piece of crap.