Dreading Excitement
As I lay here, unable to sleep, decided maybe to release some thoughts, see if it'd help me sleep. Tomorrow morning at 8:45 I have my doctors apt. I'm nervous for a few reasons...One, I get my blood work results, and I'm curious to what they found but also a little nervous, two I'm getting my vagina poked at and probed and swabbed and stared at by some strange woman...thats nerve racking in itself...and then I probably have to wait for all my results but idk how long..and see if there is some sort of explanation to why I haven't had a period in 7 months...and quite frankly some of the possibilities scare me...especially given some sequence of events...like the possible abnormalities that showed up last time I got a papsmear. But other then that...should be great. I don't really think it'll be anything tragic and im probably going to worry over nothing, but I never expect that to be the case. Expect the worse and only better results are left to follow :p And if the worst happens at least you can pretend to have been ready for it. So yeah...there's that. So while I lay here contemplating tomorrow, I find myself browsing my okcupid lol as if im actually going to find anything on there I'm interested in. I kind of did find one thing the other day...just randomly messaged this cute girl who caught my eye in my "matches" email, which I usually ignore and delete. But this one got opened and she caught my eye for some reason, so I felt compelled to message her and tell her I felt the need to tell her she is really pretty. lol She replied pretty quickly :P we then talked about JCC a little because I noticed she goes there...and now im apparently gonna grab a coffee with her before class on tuesday...should be interesting. I don't even know what my intent is with this...Its weird how Im open to meeting someone and sort of search it out at times...but just like I was with Tori or anyone else I hang out with out of the norm, I'm not like...overly excited about it..I'm not unenthusiastic about it entirely or anything...Just an interesting observation on how things have changed over time. This use to be the kind of thing I'd be all over and think about constantly, but im pretty nonchalant about things like this these days. Maybe I won't be afterwards or at the time, depending how it goes, but for now I guess we'll just see how that goes. To be completely and absolutely honest, I get more excited when I'm going to hang out with Nathan. But no surprise there, I'm always excited about that lol Speaking of which...What I'm most excited for right now is going out to Necto with Nathan tomorrow. I've been wanting to go for awhile and I think it'll be a good night for it. I've missed dancing with him on a normal monday night. So it should be fun :)
So as my 'subject' today states, I'm dreading tomorrow and im excited about it...but at the moment what im dreading is the fact i can't sleep...but thats what happens when you're a night person trying to go to bed before 1 or 2 or 4am. Well I guess I should go try harder...at least curl up deeper into my blankets and close my eyes, soak in the coziness, and drift into my fantasy world, where I think up beautiful scenario's and play them out in my head...like that beautiful face that haunts my waking thoughts and dreams...and the many possibilities we'll never actually be able to experience...and then eventually as im getting to the good part, I'll fall asleep ;) lol cuz that's how it usually works. He's probably either at or on his way home from his Murder Junkies concert. I hope he had fun, he deserves some fun time. Is it creepy I usually know where he's at and when? lol I might as well be his stalker, it wouldn't take much further effort haha just the physical transportation of myself to where he is...muahahaha. Okay anyways, im drifting again...bed time...lets do it. Go Team sleepy Erin go!
So as my 'subject' today states, I'm dreading tomorrow and im excited about it...but at the moment what im dreading is the fact i can't sleep...but thats what happens when you're a night person trying to go to bed before 1 or 2 or 4am. Well I guess I should go try harder...at least curl up deeper into my blankets and close my eyes, soak in the coziness, and drift into my fantasy world, where I think up beautiful scenario's and play them out in my head...like that beautiful face that haunts my waking thoughts and dreams...and the many possibilities we'll never actually be able to experience...and then eventually as im getting to the good part, I'll fall asleep ;) lol cuz that's how it usually works. He's probably either at or on his way home from his Murder Junkies concert. I hope he had fun, he deserves some fun time. Is it creepy I usually know where he's at and when? lol I might as well be his stalker, it wouldn't take much further effort haha just the physical transportation of myself to where he is...muahahaha. Okay anyways, im drifting again...bed time...lets do it. Go Team sleepy Erin go!