(Untitled)
tonight i feel battered. i feel like so much time was invested in so many things that ended up biting me in the ass. sometimes i wonder about trust and what it means. i wonder why in this world we have thrash around and hurt each other. for my own transgressions, whether they were consciencous or not, i apologize. i was hurt and i hurt others. ( Read more... )
I've been through a terrible breakup like this in the last decade and its amazing how toxic people can turn and how quick they are to blame you for your feelings. Well fuck them. I don't know, me, I find anger very helpful when turned outward - turned inward, it only harms. So you made mistakes - so what? Lots of other people do 50 bajillion times worse things than you ever have and they not only get away with it, people fucking praise them for it half the time.
I can't tell you how much better I've begun to feel since I decided to stop trying to be nice to slime who don't deserve it and give them a double finger up and then laugh in their face when they call me a bitch. It's been TREMENDOUSLY healing. This may or may not work for you but you seem to be going through a really rough time and now you're around to the part where you're blaming yourself and agreeing with the bad opinions worthless pieces of shit have of you. That's not going to get you anywhere.
Put yourself first. Whine all day long in your own damn journal if you want to. Ban anyone who complains to you about it and then mock them. What business is it of theirs? They're the ones who need to get a life. Anyone outside of your relationship can have their opinion on what happened but the reality is THEY WEREN'T THERE so their opinion means jackshit. You know what they say about opinions and assholes, anyway.
You don't sound like a person who's been "bad" to me. You sound like someone who is being mightily abused. That makes me want to go kick some motherfuckers in the teeth.
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