~Kurt Cobains, "Suicide Note"~
To Boddah,
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true . I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
I kinda feel alittle like this sometimes ,but I'm still here which is more proof that though written by K.C'S hand he had no suicidal intentions ,If I ever got up the reason and guts to take my life. I'd imagine it would go something like this ....... I'M SORRY.....I'M SORRY...I'M SO SORRY ,THIS IS NO ONES FAULT BUT my OWN ,AND IF YOU EVER THINK IT'S SAD I WAS LOST ,KNOW IT WAS NOT YOUR DOING OR GODS UNFAIR GAME BUT BY MY OWN HAND AND OPTION, NOT A MOMENTARY LAPS OF JUDGMENT THAT I CAN'T TAKE BACK I AM CERTAIN THAT I'M SEVERELY LET DOWN BY MY LIFE AND WHAT I'VE DONE TO IT (and then I' would go on to tell everyone how i feel about them but the thought of dying scares the hell out of me so you will not see me assisting death anytime soon but,the point was kurt was murdered and not by his own depression or regret.
~Love~
*Janelle
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true . I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
I kinda feel alittle like this sometimes ,but I'm still here which is more proof that though written by K.C'S hand he had no suicidal intentions ,If I ever got up the reason and guts to take my life. I'd imagine it would go something like this ....... I'M SORRY.....I'M SORRY...I'M SO SORRY ,THIS IS NO ONES FAULT BUT my OWN ,AND IF YOU EVER THINK IT'S SAD I WAS LOST ,KNOW IT WAS NOT YOUR DOING OR GODS UNFAIR GAME BUT BY MY OWN HAND AND OPTION, NOT A MOMENTARY LAPS OF JUDGMENT THAT I CAN'T TAKE BACK I AM CERTAIN THAT I'M SEVERELY LET DOWN BY MY LIFE AND WHAT I'VE DONE TO IT (and then I' would go on to tell everyone how i feel about them but the thought of dying scares the hell out of me so you will not see me assisting death anytime soon but,the point was kurt was murdered and not by his own depression or regret.
~Love~
*Janelle