(no subject)
Ok duders, I know you think I'm a space creature with 6 tentacles, but I've got to come clean. I have 4 tentacles and an auxillary antenna, not 6 tentacles. I can tell you're dissapointd, but fear not young ones! I have enclosed in my pantaloons an update on my daily life. The events described herein will shock and amaze you, and if you are squeamish read on, it's not that bad. Don't be a pussy, squeamish-face. Oh, so now you're gonna cry? Fine then, go cry like a baby! Waa waa, cry to mommy, baby! Anyway, a young aspiring actor named Jerry Blathers approached me today. He had several balloons, but refused to tell me the occasion. When disrespected in the arena of ballon events, I pay little attention to the person, their respect diminished to a bite-size as they go about their balloon-laden business. HOWEVER, my good friend Jerry that I don't know told me he had been casted for the movie "The Fresh Jive Embargo". I believe the plot was something about swingdancing, but it may also have involved stealing diamonds from dinosaurs inside a volcano. It doesn't really matter, the respect for being in a feature film far outweighs that taken away for unexplained balloon hoarding. So as Jerry described the film, which may or may not have had tangerines, I quickly began the scheme engines inside my mind. Of course jealousy drove this, and I was determined to lock him in a closet, tear the skin off his face, pop his eyes out, and make a mask out of his destroyed face, so I may be the heartthrob of the cinema! My plan is as follows:
THE PENNYFEATHER PLAN:
1: LURE JERRY INTO FAKE ELECTRONICS SHOP
Using a carefully made advertisement (see below) Jerry will skip merrily to my "borrowed" (read: drugged owners and employees) store, in the hopes of FANTASTIC SAVINGS.
The details after this are sketchy, but needless to say I'll get him in a closet somehow. Perhaps a trail of crackers with toothpaste on them leading to a closet? Jerry is crazy for toothpaste-coated crackers, or "Talaquian Treats" as he calls them. Maybe I'll just get over it and not be in the movie. OR MAYBE I'LL SHOW THAT GODDAMN BALLOON NAZI WHO'S BOSS. N00B.
At the very least I have begun crafting documents to be used in distributing orders to my future earth slaves (see below, not actual picture of me). I'm not sure when I'll get around to having my own dictatorial nation, but when I do, I'm getting some damn beefaroni, and I'm going to eat it from the abdominal cavity of a disemboweled lamb fetus.
THE PENNYFEATHER PLAN:
1: LURE JERRY INTO FAKE ELECTRONICS SHOP
Using a carefully made advertisement (see below) Jerry will skip merrily to my "borrowed" (read: drugged owners and employees) store, in the hopes of FANTASTIC SAVINGS.
The details after this are sketchy, but needless to say I'll get him in a closet somehow. Perhaps a trail of crackers with toothpaste on them leading to a closet? Jerry is crazy for toothpaste-coated crackers, or "Talaquian Treats" as he calls them. Maybe I'll just get over it and not be in the movie. OR MAYBE I'LL SHOW THAT GODDAMN BALLOON NAZI WHO'S BOSS. N00B.
At the very least I have begun crafting documents to be used in distributing orders to my future earth slaves (see below, not actual picture of me). I'm not sure when I'll get around to having my own dictatorial nation, but when I do, I'm getting some damn beefaroni, and I'm going to eat it from the abdominal cavity of a disemboweled lamb fetus.