(no subject)

[torasalem]

What is it about me that keeps me finding the crappy jobs or just finding jobs that can't hold my interest. Is it because I'm too flighty or something? I never thought I was until now. I've been out of college how long now and have had trouble keeping jobs and finding something good? Oh if only I could figure out what I really want to do. I mean I feel that I would seriously miss the kids I work with, but at the same time I just hate living with them. I feel so much for them because of their situation that I just don't know how to handle it anymore. I mean it makes me want to be lenient with them but they end up taking advantage of people who do that. However, now the person who works opposite shifts of me is soooo extremely hard on the kids that I am easier on them. She makes them so misserable and stays on their case. I also suspect that she is making things up about me or just trying to make me look bad. I have no real clue. Beth has told me some things that she's said or that have happened and it just makes me think "god I can't wait to get my year over with." I mean, Beth asked me if I thought I would really just move on after a year and I definetly think that I will. There is a job open in my county for a social worker with foster kids and I'm tempted to apply, but at the same time I just don't know if this is what I want anymore. Maybe living with these kids is just wearing me out because I know that I'm not really making a difference or anything and all my friends know that that is what I'm looking for. I'm really hoping to make a difference in the world and so far I feel like a failure...

Is anyone else having this problem or is it just me?

Sometimes I really think that the only exciting and fun think I'll ever have in my life...was college. Maybe I'm like those High School football people who stay stuck in the football age where that's all the talk about. Maybe college is that for me. Hmmm...something to think about.

Anyway, pray for me.